i mean honestly, a month from now, who will i still be talking to?  and when i come back for christmas, will it even matter anymore?  there are certain people i could never imagine being without.   i know that i could do it in the long run, i did it with rachael this year, but it's just not something i wanna do again.

somehow cassie has become my ( Read more... )

As i drove home with him on the phone tonight i realized i don't deserve this.  I deserve someone who wants me...all of me...who wants to be with me...really be with me.  I don't deserve to feel like he doesn't care...whether he does or not.  I've waited my whole life to be loved...and I deserve to be.

and in the past three weeks i have been with a ( Read more... )

i'll lay it out for you.  i'll lay it out for you right now.  there are so many of them that i can't even keep them all straight.  and i feel like this awful, terrible person.  and everytime there's a new one who comes in i still see your face and i feel awful.  you, you are the only one that actually cares.  meanwhile, it isn't you that i want.  ( Read more... )

it's not like i'm a slut
or that i really like to fuck
i just want every boy i meet to walk away with part of me
until there's nothing left to love
until there's nothing left to hold
i appreciate your help but even you can't save me from myself.

I can only tell you the truth:  I'm sad but I'm trying desperatly to be happy, but something tells me it shouldn't be this hard.  I'm afraid to love and to be loved, but at the same I'm afraid of not loving and never being loved.  I think I'm lost...lost in a way in which I know where home is, but that's never where I want to be.  Promises are ( Read more... )

a piece of her was missing.

i'm done with this, and through with you.

i know i say that a lot, but i'm serious this time.

i'm erasing you from my life.  my phone. my buddy list.  my life. i refuse to let this go on any longer.  i refuse to go into my last summer still caring. i refuse to care every again.  i can't go to college still caring.  because the truth is, you never did ( Read more... )

and all this talk about love makes me miss you suddnely.  but maybe suddenly isn't the correct word of choice.  i miss you everyday and you know this...everyone knows this.  But here i am, missing you, and you've never once missed me.  you're my favorite person in the entire world...and that makes me feel bad.  because i know i shouldn't waste my ( Read more... )

"i think about you every second of everyday.  i think about you before i got to bed at night and wish you were there wih me.  i think about you when i wake up in the morning and i wish you were there with me...for the sole purpose of you being there with me...i need you.  i need you here with me.  come see me.  i need you olivia, i need you ( Read more... )

Rollins.  I'm pretty sure that's what it's come down too.  And i wanted rochester more than anything.  and i got in, and i was allowed to go.  and i have waited years to get the hell out of florida and make my way back home somehow.  and here it is, on a platter, and i'm not reaching out to it.  it's so close and i have rejected it.  and i'm ( Read more... )