July Week 1

[_lippie_]

My entry for the 

Comments

[triplescorpio]

You write very well. The entry "drew" me in and I was interested immediately. I like your syntax and pacing.

[aisling87]

Hello!

I am your primary editor for this round. If you'd like to find out a little bit about my background or editing philosophies, you may do so hereFirstly, I'd like to congratulate you on a truly unique, provocative, and resonating piece of writing. It's visceral, and the tone of the piece translates into a mood, which is very impressive

[_lippie_]

I definitely agree with that last bit. Those words have more personality, though, at the same time, I don't want to overuse colorful words in this piece. So basically I need to be careful and find a creative balance. Thanks for the feedback! I'll look over it and see if there are any other options that fit within the narrative.

[aisling87]

You are very welcome! :) Yes, definitely find a creative balance with your verbs. I agree that too many that are too out of the ordinary would detract from the stark honest tone. I like to think of words as jewelery. You can wear a few really priceless, dazzling pieces, but if you pile on too many the effect stops being dazzling and just ends up being gaudy.

Good luck with wherever you take this and once again thank you for posting!

[kirbygal]

Great writing style. I liked the crossed out words since it makes the readers look over them a second time. Overall, it was a shocking yet well written piece. I used to hate my weight (not to the point of eating disorder, thank goodness), but now I come to accept to who I am. I hope girls understand that there is NO SUCH THING as a perfect weight. Good job on your writing!

[smz12231994]

Wow! It's really great! I can totally place myself in her shoes.

[_dead_air_]

read Chuck P. much?

[_lippie_]

Nope, never have, but I've heard of him. :)
Margaret Mitchell is probably my heaviest influence, she's my favorite. :]