Such a silly little thing is she....
So, my father and I had a talk this morning, well it was more like he talked and I listen but whatever same diff. It was like 7 and he comes in my room, sits on my bed and I wasn't fully asleep so I woke up. He just looks at me and goes...
"Ya know Jammie, I love you. You scared the shit out of me. You really need to cut your anorexic bull shit."
"What anorexic bull shit? I eat...."
"You're a show eater, you eat when people are around you so no one will say you don't. I don't want you to end up locked up again because you refuse to eat. And sleeping once in a while can't hurt either. You need to take care of yourself, no one else will. But you've been a trooper, always have been. I thought you might let this knock you down, but you don't give in. "
Then he just told me to go back to sleep, it as a short conversation, he had to go to work. Yeah, I don't know...
I feel really bad.... I didn't tell Josh that I killed my car... I thought he knew, but he didn't... **sigh** I love him soooo much... There's something on his mind... I don't know what because he won't tell me... I fucked up so bad, so many times with him... It sucks, but I mean he still talks to me so it could be worse.... I would love to go back and fix it all, change all the mistakes I made... He's a very quiet, to him self person.... I want him to be able to talk to me, but I understand that he can't... I wouldn't trust me either... But I trust him, more than anybody I've ever trusted... I don't know what it is... I never had a gaurd with him.... It was like we started talking and instantly I trusted him and started falling for him... I broke all of my rules with him... ~*~Don't let your gaurd down ~*~Don't want to let anyone in or get close to you ~*~ Don't fall for someone who's fallen for someone else ~*~ Don't fall for someone who won't fall for you back ~*~Don't fall in-love ~*~ I had simple rules, not hard to follow, but I broke them... But... If I had the chance to go back in time and do it again, I wouldn't change a thing, okay well I wouldn't make all the mistakes with him like trust wise but other than that.... It's all worth it... He's worth it... He's the happiest part of my life, but also my saddest... This whole always crying thing sucks... Everyone is always like there's someone else out there for you, but what if I don't want there to be someone else... I want him, only him... No one else will ever be good enough to take his place, no body can ever be more perfect than him... He's almost impeccable, to me atleast... I don't want to look for someone else, because I don't want to find another person, he's the person that I've fallen in-love with and no one else can replace that... He's the best thing to ever happen to me... He means so much to me... He's my world, he really is... I wish everything wasn't just one sided and that he felt this way about me... But he doesn't......