I hate to say this..ladyartemisaJune 28 2007, 14:40:34 UTC
but that is why i dont let my husband pick dates for anything... and that is also why i put reminders in his calendar for him. It solves this problem and we both have saved ourselves many a headache thanks to this.
Re: I hate to say this..ladyartemisaJune 28 2007, 14:46:33 UTC
well its one thing or another sometimes.. some people are just not good with dates.. my husband doesnt remmeber his father's bday! and this was 3 or 4 different things that you let him do that were messed up I think... doing at least one or two of them would have made a world of a difference, or planning them together might have been a better idea. It doesnt have to be all his reponsibility if it is an event that both of you are taking part in. Mike plans stuff for me that are special but for our couple activities i make sure that they are all remmembered and in dates that work for everyone.
Re: I hate to say this..cme2694June 28 2007, 14:50:42 UTC
No, I let him plan these two because the wedding was his family and really didn't care either way (the camping was with friends that he has 90% of the contact with, too).
I let him pick the weekend of the baseball thing because I *knew* he had other things going on, I just didn't know what the dates were.
Oh, my husband regularly forgets his own parents birthdays. Even when we have them set up in Google calendar and have it set to a reminder.
I really do not think you need to be his mother or his secretary, a grown man should be able to remember when he has things going on. I can see why you're frustrated!
If it were me and mine, I would step back and let him suffer the consequences of being so disorganized - perhaps he'd have to miss a show or be in hot water trying to explain to someone why he's double-booked. Maybe give it a try - it's possible that a single frustrating snafu would be enough to get him kick started, or at least to see that he needs to be responsible for his own life rather than relying on his wife.
usually i would agree but when its her life that is going to suffer too (missing a wedding, missing a great weekend out) then I dont blame her for wanting to make sure that it is done right.
If my husband has plans with his friends that I have nothing to do with I dont bother with those, but it seems that these were things that had other people involved or that were a couple's event... that I wouldnt want to miss.
It sounds like she is doing all she can - he picks a weekend, she gets the tickets. IMO, if missing one great weekend with friends is what needs to happen to kick-start a cycle of responsibility, that to me would be worth it.
But that is just me, and I'm married to the most organized man who ever walked the planet, so other people may feel differently.
I don't know. Some things are just not worth having a power struggle over. I'd just take it over. I do all the scheduling in our house - mine, my husband's, and the three kids. My husband's one job is to get his TDY dates on the central calander. After that, I fill everything else in and just let him know what the plan is. :) Sometimes it's OK to "caretake" a little bit.
My husband does all the van maintenance for me because I simply don't think about it. Of course I am capable of filling the tires, bringing it to get the oil changed, cleaning out the trash, etc but for some reason it never registers on my radar. Does that mean he is treating me like a child because he picks that up and takes care of it? I don't think so. I think it is his strength playing to my weakness. I see scheduling/social life director as a similar situation.
exactly, if it makes our lives better why not do it? I would see not being ok with picking his clothes out for him or some people that dont like do to the other's laundry because that is their own deal... but if this is something that affects both of them then why not help mitigate the circumstances?
Ugh. I guess my problem is that I feel I do the majority of the things around here. I pay the bills (if he were in charge, they'd be late), I take care of the car stuff (I'm the only one who drives it), I do a lot of the cleaning (I'm a teacher and am only teaching half-days for only a month in the summer). We both cook because we like to cook, although he does clean up after dinner.
But what does scorekeeping do but breed resentment? I have never seen a marriage where the tasks were split 50/50, but I've seen a lot that were miserable because people kept trying to acheive that.
It makes more sense to me to just do what needs to be done and not worry about who has more tasks. I guarantee you that he's doing more than you think - you just aren't seeing it. I figured that out when my husband was deployed for a year. I was freaking stunned at how much he did around the house that now I had to do or hire someone to do. Made me appreciate him a lot more.
My perspective on your problem is slightly different because my FH has trouble remembering little things - like scheduling a haircut, etc. etc. I handle a lot of the details in our relationship because he has ADD and just can't remember. He handles our bills and makes sure that they're paid on time - he checks our online bill payment calendar religiously and just tells me how much things are.
Does he know that you're upset with him because of his inattention? I'd have a talk with him about setting up a system that works for you both, like an Outlook or Yahoo calendar you both manage.
Oh yeah, we talked about it last night. The sad thing is that we already have the Google calendar set up! He just doesn't put dates into it or check it when he's booking things.
Don't get me started on this boy needing a haircut. I'm half-temped to go out and buy some nice scissors tonight to be able to give him one myself rather than have to remind him (again and again) to get a haircut!
My FH used to cut his own hair. It wasn't a good thing, haha. Now he'll just tell me when, I make the appointment, and he keeps it. I think I'm lucky that he's extra-aware of his attention deficit and knows how to manage it.
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It solves this problem and we both have saved ourselves many a headache thanks to this.
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But I don't want to be his mother. I don't want to be the one to have to write everything down. I guess I don't have a choice.
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and this was 3 or 4 different things that you let him do that were messed up I think... doing at least one or two of them would have made a world of a difference, or planning them together might have been a better idea. It doesnt have to be all his reponsibility if it is an event that both of you are taking part in.
Mike plans stuff for me that are special but for our couple activities i make sure that they are all remmembered and in dates that work for everyone.
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I let him pick the weekend of the baseball thing because I *knew* he had other things going on, I just didn't know what the dates were.
Oh, my husband regularly forgets his own parents birthdays. Even when we have them set up in Google calendar and have it set to a reminder.
Reply
If it were me and mine, I would step back and let him suffer the consequences of being so disorganized - perhaps he'd have to miss a show or be in hot water trying to explain to someone why he's double-booked. Maybe give it a try - it's possible that a single frustrating snafu would be enough to get him kick started, or at least to see that he needs to be responsible for his own life rather than relying on his wife.
Reply
If my husband has plans with his friends that I have nothing to do with I dont bother with those, but it seems that these were things that had other people involved or that were a couple's event... that I wouldnt want to miss.
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But that is just me, and I'm married to the most organized man who ever walked the planet, so other people may feel differently.
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My husband does all the van maintenance for me because I simply don't think about it. Of course I am capable of filling the tires, bringing it to get the oil changed, cleaning out the trash, etc but for some reason it never registers on my radar. Does that mean he is treating me like a child because he picks that up and takes care of it? I don't think so. I think it is his strength playing to my weakness. I see scheduling/social life director as a similar situation.
Reply
I would see not being ok with picking his clothes out for him or some people that dont like do to the other's laundry because that is their own deal... but if this is something that affects both of them then why not help mitigate the circumstances?
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It makes more sense to me to just do what needs to be done and not worry about who has more tasks. I guarantee you that he's doing more than you think - you just aren't seeing it. I figured that out when my husband was deployed for a year. I was freaking stunned at how much he did around the house that now I had to do or hire someone to do. Made me appreciate him a lot more.
Reply
Does he know that you're upset with him because of his inattention? I'd have a talk with him about setting up a system that works for you both, like an Outlook or Yahoo calendar you both manage.
Reply
Don't get me started on this boy needing a haircut. I'm half-temped to go out and buy some nice scissors tonight to be able to give him one myself rather than have to remind him (again and again) to get a haircut!
Reply
My FH used to cut his own hair. It wasn't a good thing, haha. Now he'll just tell me when, I make the appointment, and he keeps it. I think I'm lucky that he's extra-aware of his attention deficit and knows how to manage it.
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