The almighty fishing weekend

[purpleangelz]

This isn't necessarily a huge problem per se, but something I'm a bit miffed about, and I'm looking for opinions as to whether I'm being unreasonable.

My husband is an avid fisherman, and every year, he goes on several fishing trips with his buddy. There is one weekend in particular which seems to be the "sacred boys wekend", which falls on the May

Comments

[zyta_zebra]

I would just assume that he's always going to go fishing with his buddy on that weekend. I don't think it's a matter of putting his buddy ahead of you. They have a ritual and it's something they are compelled to perform. Plus, you didn't mention anything about how often he sees this friend. If he only sees his friend during this fishing weekend, then I can understand how he would drop everything to see his friend. I wouldn't take it personally if I were you. My brother does the same thing with his friends and it just meant that family trips anywhere on that weekend were without him.

[heighlo]

would just assume that he's always going to go fishing with his buddy on that weekend. I don't think it's a matter of putting his buddy ahead of you. They have a ritual and it's something they are compelled to perform.

IAWTC

[sapphirebullet]

When you told him how you felt about his ditching you for this buddy last year - how did you tell him? Hands on your hips, raised voice and a pouty expression? Or were you calm and collect and presented your thoughts in a rational manner, like you did just here?
If you can be calm and collected about it - speak to him after this weekend. You haven't said anything to him about your feelings and if you do it now it's going to look like you stewed on it for a few days / weeks, worked up a good argument and then blindsided him. Let him go this year without fault and when he gets back, sit him down and explain to him how you feel. Just as calm and collected as you explained it to us.
I don't think you are being unreasonable - I think your timing has been a bit off.
Best of luck.

[purpleangelz]

I'm usually able to express myself more calmly in writing, but last year I tried to be as diplomatic as I could about it, although I'm sure I could have been a little calmer about having to cancel our weekend getaway plans. I'm not always the best about accepting disappointing, especially when it's been built up for at least a few weeks. Sometimes my husband just hears what he wants to hear regardless of how I put it though, and for whatever reason, last year he immediately went on the defensive that I was jealous of his friendship or resentful of the weekend.

I think I may try saying it exactly as I've said it here though, and hopefully he can at least try to see my point of view.

[mop_top417]

I think maybe he thought the issue was with the fact that he was going for the weekend at all, rather than just the fact that you felt slighted that he quickly abandoned your plans without rescheduling, etc. for the last minute trip.
I would just explain to him that you love that he has a tradition with friends and hope that he continues and that you understand it's something important to him, but at the same time, you would like to feel that you are of similar importance when it comes to spending time with him and that the way he abandoned plans with you and/or refuses to make plans because of X,Y, and Z hurts your feelings and doesn't make you feel valued in your relationship.

[fireyirishangel]

I can understand your feelings being hurt, but I don't necessarily think it's fair to expect him to turn down the opportunity to spend time with someone he sees a few times a year, at most (I'm gathering, anyway

[purpleangelz]

I think the fact that we haven't had a lot of quality time together lately because of the home renovations is making me a little overly sensitive to it as well. I feel a little lost in the shuffle too, and sometimes I guess I expect him to just KNOW this. I should suggest an interruption free night as well; it sounds fun. :)

[itsajhthing]

Every year my husband goes to Las Vegas during March Madness. Sometimes he is gone for 3 days, sometimes 6. I know this trip is very important to him. When I was pregnant last year with our son, I casually brought up a conversation stating that once our son was born, he shouldn't go on this trip anymore. Well, March came, and he went.

Yes, I felt slighted, because I take care of our son when we are at home, and I work a full-time job. When do I get to go on MY trip, you know? I know the circumstances are different in your case, and our feelings are hurt for different reasons.

But in the end, I know that the trip is important to him. And he was going on this annual voyage long before we got married, so it's something I accept and move on.

It's once a year, and he's with his friends. He's home the rest of the time and that's what matters.

[purpleangelz]

Logically, I know that he could be so much worse, especially since I know guys who are like this pretty much all the time. And I can sympathize when you have a child in the mix as well!

And deep down, I think I reasonably know that he's going to enjoy a weekend of drinking, fishing, and the outdoors more than watching a sappy chick flick and talking about his feeelings. ;)

[mop_top417]

I think I'd be more peeved at the friend, who likes to wait til last minute to call! Haha. Okay, seriously. I can understand definitely why you are upset. I would just ask your husband to pick a day/weekend/week whatever and tell him you'd like to do something that you'd both enjoy together. If he made an excuse, I would just tell him it's really something that you would enjoy and it does hurt your feelings because you feel like he is almost taking advantage of you and your availability to him. Just because you don't live far away and are only available certain days/weekends, whatever doesn't take away the consideration he should put into your relationship.

[purpleangelz]

No kidding! His friend is notorious for calling while he's already on his way home, and just kinda expecting my husband to drop everything. (Which he does, of course) It drives me nuts, since I'm the type of person who likes to plan things in advance!