The Clinic (One Shot)

[_matriculated]

Title: The Clinic (One Shot)
Author: _matriculated
Pairing: Gerard Way / Matt Skiba (Alkaline Trio)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Out of the shadows emerges a figure, limping its way towards them in tattered and bloodied clothing. It doesn't seem to notice them at first, but when it does, its face changes almost immediately, its eyes filled with hunger and rage.

Comments

[anonymous]

The graphics are great, but a tip on writing: using epithets (the older man, the taller man, etc.) is a really, really bad form of writing and turns a lot of people off. You can never go wrong just using their names and it wouldn't take anything away from the story.

[_matriculated]

In this story, they don't have names for a reason. There is a huge idea for this in my head but this is just a tiny piece of it. I honestly don't think I'll ever get around to writing out a full chaptered version of my vision but I just wanted to share this little ficlet.

[_matriculated]

Also I'm turning off anon because I don't see any reason why anyone would feel the need to say this as anon and I'd like to know who is reading, especially if they feel compelled enough to comment. :]

[ehroobeeah]

I disagree with Anonymous, epithets do not signal bad writing, if used carefully, thoughtfully, and/or sparingly. I mean no one would accuse Jack London's "To Build a Fire" as an example of bad writing. `

Anyway, Matriculated, considering you know how to string a complex sentence and handled the tension pretty well, I'm sure you know what you are doing by keeping your characters nameless. I am very intrigued about how this pair will interact and experience this Planet Terror Verse, and can only wish you'll write more. At least another ficlet? :]

Oh, and in paragraph 11, first sentence, I'm sure you meant baseball bat, right? (^-^ Haha, it was quite a funny image visualizing Gerard K.O-ing a zombie-thing with a metal baseball.)

[_matriculated]

Thanks for your input and thanks for reading. Haha, also, thank you for catching that mistake, it's fixed now. :]

[slaughtermatic]

So idk what this is or who you are, (I think I found my way here through ontd lol idek), but I felt like I had to say something because those graphics, man? They get me legit EXCITED. Like they're a cover of the most amazing comic ever, and this snippet blows my mind because I can just see it, and the grimy, saturated feel of it and just. If you never write on it again the idea itself is fucking amazing, I'm already dead.

[_matriculated]

Oh wow. Thank you so much for reading.