(no subject)
Smoke rings dissipated into the still air, destroyed by nothing but atmosphere and anger seeping through his pores. Nicotine didn’t sooth him the way it used to. He couldn't decide if he was cold or hot - chills coursed through his red-hot blood. He shivered, but salt perspiration dripped down the small of his back. He was uncomfortable but too comfortable to move.
He knew it was the drugs but he couldn’t do anything but wait them out. He would just tell himself to breathe as his last marb light withered down to its filter, but there was nothing much left to do. He was never going back, but it's not like he really had a decision. He'd call her in an hour, and tell her that of course he’s clean and that, yeah, that book really helped.
Really.
With enough Adderall and SoCo coursing through your bloodstream, you’re conscious really takes a nose dive, but with another girl in his bed and a girlfriend on the phone, you can't really hand out relationship advice anyways.
He can’t help but cringe, thinking of last night. A phone clasped to her ear, his girlfriend rasping words of desire into his body, while another girl moved up and down over him, her mouth wrapped tightly around his cock. At least he thinks it was a girl. The last few days have been such a blur, and when you're on the road, you'll do anything for a bit of release.
Sometimes he flirts with the idea of just blurting it once, proclaiming his infidelities and just dealing with the consequences, so what if he can't remember his life before her. It couldn't have been so bad, or he wouldn't be playing these games, coming home with peoples undergarments in his toiletry kit, empty condom boxes lining his suitcase. But she still loves him.
And it's not like it's ever been his fault.
It's never been her fault either, though. He doesn't know whose fault it really was, and he didn't like not having someone to blame for the misfortunes of his life. He didn't know what life would be like without the band, without her.
But for some reason, he wanted to know. He wanted to know that this wasn't all his life was ever going to be.
And that, well that's where you came in.
You, and your sympathetic eyes, he'd stare at you, the golden child and you wouldn't know what to feel, other than that you'd give anything to be that girl in his bed right now.
Before she realizes she's just another mistake.
"Frank."
He turned at Mikey's voice. He always turned at Mikey's voice, he didn't know why, but it was a magnet, especially when Frank felt like this. But he turned his head back around, and sat, his back to Mikey. His hand slid under the waistband of his boxers. His other hand drew the cigarette to his mouth again.
"Frank?"
He had to fight the reflex to stare at Mikey, Neither one of them really knew why Mikey was repeating his name, he already knew the whole story, he'd been through this too many times before to not. Mikey was well rehearsed in the emotional Frank after a binge, he knew that in a few minutes, he'd be holding up a sobbing Frank in a shower and he'd inspect the hickies on his neck, and he'd make Frank better again.
The room was quiet, the smoke curling into the still air. Mikey stared at Frank with bated breath.
"Frank."
Franks shoulder slumped at the sound of his name. Mikey exhaled deeply, knowing that Frank could only be addressed so many times with out acknowledging the speaker. Mikey stepped forward, and placed a hand on Frank’s goose-bumped shoulder.
"You’re freezing," Mikey said, and Frank shrugged.
Mikey went around the white hotel room and quickly shut all of the windows. A sober Frank would have laughed at Mikey's shuffling around and motherly nature, but he didn't, he just sat there, trying his hardest not to shiver, because at the core he was just a little boy that didn't want to be proven incorrect. So it was Mikey's turn to laugh, and not at himself, but instead at Frank's getup, he looked disassembled off stage, without Gerard telling him what to wear. He was stripped down to a cotton shirt, Popsicle printed boxers and pair of sunglasses that Mikey had never seen before.