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We're driving. I like it when we drive. The sun is shining and the windows are open just enough to let a soft breeze blow across my face and let my hair blow comfortably back out of my face. His hands slide slowly down the gear stick and if this wasn't John I would probably make some form of a crude comment. I don't know where we're going and I don't think he does either, but we both know that we'll like it when we get there because, wherever it is, it'll have us there and that'll be enough.
I haven't spoken to Pierre since that day in the coffee shop. I saw him though, he was on TRL and was being his normal annoying self. I briefly thought about calling up the show and on air, in front of everyone telling him that he might have HIV. Of course I would have used a disguised voice but I thought it would have been funny to see his face as people across the nation heard the notion that he might be infected. I didn't call though. They weren't accepting phone in's for some reason. Disappointing. I watched the whole show though and I was sickened to see that they played one of our videos on there. I hated the conversation that followed too. Pierre said I was 'hawt' and that he'd 'do' me like I was some cheap fucking five dollar whore. I'm not. Pierre is the whore not me.
John turns to smile at me, that awkward half smile that to everyone else looks fake but I know it to be real. His truest smile. John's never been able to smile with his whole mouth and mean it. He only does that when he's faking it. He does that when girls shove their tits in his face and tell him they want his babies. He does that when he gets invited to parties he doesn't want to go to. His side smile, it's reserved for me. It's his JohnandJessetime smile. I love that smile. I've tried to photograph it loads of times so I can keep it in my wallet but he always stops me. He tells me that if it was captured then it wouldn't be special anymore would it? I then agree and kiss his cheek, loving the way his mind works.
"We're here."
He slows the car down to a stop and I see that we're at the sea side. Climbing out of the car we walk along the promenade, slowly and closely so that our hands brush up against each others every now and then before wandering inside an ice cream store. Getting vanilla cones we walk onto the shale beach and sit down, watching the sun sink into the sea. We don't speak. We just sit, licking our ice creams, leaning against one another as we watch day turn into night.
I'll never know why I agreed to come. The idea of a darkened room while horny twenty year olds gyrate against each other to trance was never my idea of a good time. Garish lights hurt my eyes and the smoke machine is being used way too much. Every now and then I find myself coughing into my Jack Daniels, much to the disgust of the girls who are sitting beside me at the bar. Stupid whores. Why they think wearing white without a bra so you can see their dark nipples is sexy I'll never know. Their camel toe isn't impressive either. I leant over and told them both this and offered some style advice and the name of some good lingerie stores but ended up with two scolding cheeks and a sore foot. Stupid platform heels.
Oh! I remember why I'm here now. Daryl Palumbo's launch party. He's got a new band. I like them. I remember being told that it was just 'an album launch after party' that was going to be 'so fun and free drinks' ... I don't remember being told there would be trance music. Disco I could maybe handle. I do a mean dance to 'Night Fever' but this music just makes my skin itch. John brought up once again that I am unappreciative of other forms of music, but really, it's just whatever Pierre does and trance. I love everything else. There are seven glasses next to me, empty and I'm not even feeling it yet. Everyone else has deserted me to go play on the bouncy castle so I have to sit here until it's a reasonable time to leave.
"Aw has Jesse been left all alone?"
I turn and see either Joel or Benji sitting next to me. I would judge on weight but they're both looking pudgy these days. Blinking slowly I smile a little and nod, offering them a drink. He nods and I hand him a shot which he downs and then leans into me.
"Sucks huh? Even Daryl left..."
"Then why do I have to stay?" I cry out, wide eyed and outraged at the idea that I have been sat here wasting my last hours in life with a bunch of
people I'd probably hate if I ever took the time to know them.
"You don't. You want a ride home?"
"Yes please. I'm a little-"
"Wasted?"
"Well I wouldn't go that far..." And I wouldn't. I still can't tell which twin it is but at least I know it's a twin and not like.. Billy or something. Which I have done before. Billy didn't seem too sure of who he was at the time either so I think that made up for it.
"Yeah, yeah sure Jess. Come on."
He takes my hand and pulls me off my seat and tugs me gently out to his car with him. I'm leaning against him heavily because maybe I am a little more drunk than I thought I was. He smiles softly and tucks me into the back of his car and lays me out before getting in the drivers side and starting the car. We're driving and I don't like this so much. It's stuffy in here and I can't see where we're going. I hate that. I like to know where I'm going, I like to be in control and right now I feel like a baby, helpless to everything going on around me.
"I was talking to Pierre the other day."
"You were? Aw man I'm sorry... bad things always happen to good people."
"He told me."
"Told you what?"
"That you and he... yeah and that it was shall we say better than good?"
I blink and try to think about what he's saying here. Pierre was talking, well, what was new in that? I was, we were good... at what though? Oh. Sex. Well duh. Has he not slept with me before?
"Oh."
"Just oh?"
"Yeah, I've always been good in bed, it's not a surprise to me." I run a hand through my hair and let out a soft sigh. I'm starting to think that BenjiJoel talks too much. I like quiet. I want to focus my thoughts and try and figure out what's going on here. The car stops and I start to sit up when the door by my feet is opened and BenjiJoel leans in, a little smirk on his lips.
"Fancy proving that?"
"Not really, I'm tired." I try to push my arms up so that I can sit up and get a good gauge of things but he is climbing in on top of me, his lips finding mine as his hand finds my hip and gives it a little squeeze. I don't kiss back so he preys my lips apart with his tongue as his other hand slides down to my opposite hip, fingers sliding along my waistband to my button which he undoes. I can feel his dick pressing against my thigh and I pull a face which he feels.
"Come on Jess..."
"No. I'm tired man..." I push him away to the best of my ability which really isn't a lot. In normal circumstances BenjiJoel are stronger than me and while I'm drunk I don't stand a chance.
"Oh come on..."
He says as he pulls my pants down.
"Oh no boxers."
I can hear the smile in his voice. I didn't not where boxers on purpose. I just couldn't find any and I was already late. His hand curls around me and starts to coax me to hardness, his lips on my neck, pressing me hard into the car door, the handle digging into my back. I whine softly and he takes that as a moan, his lips smiling against my skin as his free hand works on his own pants.
"You're bigger than I imagined Jess, this is gonna be good I can tell."
"Ugh. Fuck off man, I'm not in the mood..."
"Then why is your hard dick telling me you are?"
"I don't know man... you'll have to have words with-" Before I can finish his mouth is around me, sucking me hard like a whore but I don't moan, it doesn't feel good and I just wriggle trying to get him off me and he eventually does, only for him to sit in my lap, pushing himself down own to my dick. He moans and holds me close, the windows in the car starting to steam.
Eventually he gets back into the front of the car, and drives me to my house. I stumble out of the car, starting to sober up, he blows me a kiss before driving off. I crawl into my house and take a shower, scrubbing myself clean, completely silent, my eyes closed so I don't have to look upon the disappointment which is my body. I dry off and dress in clean clothes and walk out of the house. I walk for hours. My feet stinging from uncomfortable shoes before I find myself at his door. I use my key to get in and walk up to his room. I slide into his bed, his crisp white sheets feeling familiar against my skin as I curl into his mostly naked body. He wakes slowly and immediately wraps around me, kissing my cheek before drifting off once more. I lay there in his arms, in his room. Just us and feel tears start to form at my eyes and roll down over my sore cheeks. I'm a fuck up. I'm a fuck up. I'm a fuck up. I'm fucked.
We're driving. I like it when we drive. The sun is shining and the windows are open just enough to let a soft breeze blow across my face and let my hair blow comfortably back out of my face. His hands slide slowly down the gear stick and if this wasn't John I would probably make some form of a crude comment. I don't know where we're going and I don't think he does either, but we both know that we'll like it when we get there because, wherever it is, it'll have us there and that'll be enough.
I haven't spoken to Pierre since that day in the coffee shop. I saw him though, he was on TRL and was being his normal annoying self. I briefly thought about calling up the show and on air, in front of everyone telling him that he might have HIV. Of course I would have used a disguised voice but I thought it would have been funny to see his face as people across the nation heard the notion that he might be infected. I didn't call though. They weren't accepting phone in's for some reason. Disappointing. I watched the whole show though and I was sickened to see that they played one of our videos on there. I hated the conversation that followed too. Pierre said I was 'hawt' and that he'd 'do' me like I was some cheap fucking five dollar whore. I'm not. Pierre is the whore not me.
John turns to smile at me, that awkward half smile that to everyone else looks fake but I know it to be real. His truest smile. John's never been able to smile with his whole mouth and mean it. He only does that when he's faking it. He does that when girls shove their tits in his face and tell him they want his babies. He does that when he gets invited to parties he doesn't want to go to. His side smile, it's reserved for me. It's his JohnandJessetime smile. I love that smile. I've tried to photograph it loads of times so I can keep it in my wallet but he always stops me. He tells me that if it was captured then it wouldn't be special anymore would it? I then agree and kiss his cheek, loving the way his mind works.
"We're here."
He slows the car down to a stop and I see that we're at the sea side. Climbing out of the car we walk along the promenade, slowly and closely so that our hands brush up against each others every now and then before wandering inside an ice cream store. Getting vanilla cones we walk onto the shale beach and sit down, watching the sun sink into the sea. We don't speak. We just sit, licking our ice creams, leaning against one another as we watch day turn into night.
I'll never know why I agreed to come. The idea of a darkened room while horny twenty year olds gyrate against each other to trance was never my idea of a good time. Garish lights hurt my eyes and the smoke machine is being used way too much. Every now and then I find myself coughing into my Jack Daniels, much to the disgust of the girls who are sitting beside me at the bar. Stupid whores. Why they think wearing white without a bra so you can see their dark nipples is sexy I'll never know. Their camel toe isn't impressive either. I leant over and told them both this and offered some style advice and the name of some good lingerie stores but ended up with two scolding cheeks and a sore foot. Stupid platform heels.
Oh! I remember why I'm here now. Daryl Palumbo's launch party. He's got a new band. I like them. I remember being told that it was just 'an album launch after party' that was going to be 'so fun and free drinks' ... I don't remember being told there would be trance music. Disco I could maybe handle. I do a mean dance to 'Night Fever' but this music just makes my skin itch. John brought up once again that I am unappreciative of other forms of music, but really, it's just whatever Pierre does and trance. I love everything else. There are seven glasses next to me, empty and I'm not even feeling it yet. Everyone else has deserted me to go play on the bouncy castle so I have to sit here until it's a reasonable time to leave.
"Aw has Jesse been left all alone?"
I turn and see either Joel or Benji sitting next to me. I would judge on weight but they're both looking pudgy these days. Blinking slowly I smile a little and nod, offering them a drink. He nods and I hand him a shot which he downs and then leans into me.
"Sucks huh? Even Daryl left..."
"Then why do I have to stay?" I cry out, wide eyed and outraged at the idea that I have been sat here wasting my last hours in life with a bunch of
people I'd probably hate if I ever took the time to know them.
"You don't. You want a ride home?"
"Yes please. I'm a little-"
"Wasted?"
"Well I wouldn't go that far..." And I wouldn't. I still can't tell which twin it is but at least I know it's a twin and not like.. Billy or something. Which I have done before. Billy didn't seem too sure of who he was at the time either so I think that made up for it.
"Yeah, yeah sure Jess. Come on."
He takes my hand and pulls me off my seat and tugs me gently out to his car with him. I'm leaning against him heavily because maybe I am a little more drunk than I thought I was. He smiles softly and tucks me into the back of his car and lays me out before getting in the drivers side and starting the car. We're driving and I don't like this so much. It's stuffy in here and I can't see where we're going. I hate that. I like to know where I'm going, I like to be in control and right now I feel like a baby, helpless to everything going on around me.
"I was talking to Pierre the other day."
"You were? Aw man I'm sorry... bad things always happen to good people."
"He told me."
"Told you what?"
"That you and he... yeah and that it was shall we say better than good?"
I blink and try to think about what he's saying here. Pierre was talking, well, what was new in that? I was, we were good... at what though? Oh. Sex. Well duh. Has he not slept with me before?
"Oh."
"Just oh?"
"Yeah, I've always been good in bed, it's not a surprise to me." I run a hand through my hair and let out a soft sigh. I'm starting to think that BenjiJoel talks too much. I like quiet. I want to focus my thoughts and try and figure out what's going on here. The car stops and I start to sit up when the door by my feet is opened and BenjiJoel leans in, a little smirk on his lips.
"Fancy proving that?"
"Not really, I'm tired." I try to push my arms up so that I can sit up and get a good gauge of things but he is climbing in on top of me, his lips finding mine as his hand finds my hip and gives it a little squeeze. I don't kiss back so he preys my lips apart with his tongue as his other hand slides down to my opposite hip, fingers sliding along my waistband to my button which he undoes. I can feel his dick pressing against my thigh and I pull a face which he feels.
"Come on Jess..."
"No. I'm tired man..." I push him away to the best of my ability which really isn't a lot. In normal circumstances BenjiJoel are stronger than me and while I'm drunk I don't stand a chance.
"Oh come on..."
He says as he pulls my pants down.
"Oh no boxers."
I can hear the smile in his voice. I didn't not where boxers on purpose. I just couldn't find any and I was already late. His hand curls around me and starts to coax me to hardness, his lips on my neck, pressing me hard into the car door, the handle digging into my back. I whine softly and he takes that as a moan, his lips smiling against my skin as his free hand works on his own pants.
"You're bigger than I imagined Jess, this is gonna be good I can tell."
"Ugh. Fuck off man, I'm not in the mood..."
"Then why is your hard dick telling me you are?"
"I don't know man... you'll have to have words with-" Before I can finish his mouth is around me, sucking me hard like a whore but I don't moan, it doesn't feel good and I just wriggle trying to get him off me and he eventually does, only for him to sit in my lap, pushing himself down own to my dick. He moans and holds me close, the windows in the car starting to steam.
Eventually he gets back into the front of the car, and drives me to my house. I stumble out of the car, starting to sober up, he blows me a kiss before driving off. I crawl into my house and take a shower, scrubbing myself clean, completely silent, my eyes closed so I don't have to look upon the disappointment which is my body. I dry off and dress in clean clothes and walk out of the house. I walk for hours. My feet stinging from uncomfortable shoes before I find myself at his door. I use my key to get in and walk up to his room. I slide into his bed, his crisp white sheets feeling familiar against my skin as I curl into his mostly naked body. He wakes slowly and immediately wraps around me, kissing my cheek before drifting off once more. I lay there in his arms, in his room. Just us and feel tears start to form at my eyes and roll down over my sore cheeks. I'm a fuck up. I'm a fuck up. I'm a fuck up. I'm fucked.