(no subject)
FUCKING LOVEJOURNAL. *curses*
ugh.
smoking isn't even fun to me anymore. it's just... pointless.
yesterday I went up to ina may's. we got stoned. and she did some really bitchy things, which was fucking surprising because I have never thought she could intentionally be bitchy before. ugh but she was. it was just fucking STUPID. we were sitting there at her kitchen table stoned and she was eating ice cream and I asked for some and she kept eating it and eating it and I wasn't even pissed, we were laughing... then she finally gives it to me and before I can take a bite she's like "give it back" and I was like "no" and she got all totally serious and was like "give it back, what the fuck sophia, it's my ice cream blah blah" and I don't like when she gets that pissy tone in her voice so I just gave it back to her to make her happy. so she gets it back and starts eating more of it, and I hadn't even got any. and she was laughing. I started laughing too because I don't stay mad that easily and I was just like.. okay.. whatever. so I finally got the ice cream and I'm eating it and she's like "okay give it back" and I was like no. and she kept asking and I wouldn't, and she got all pissed off and I still wouldn't give it to her and then I FINALLY did and I started laughing after I did give it back, and she was still all pissed. she was soo pissed. well, for her standards anyway, to most people it wouldn't seem that pissed off but because I know her so well I could tell. and she was like "you're so selfish. are you THAT stoned? are you THAT greedy?" and I was like "I just did that because of what YOU just did to ME. don't you remember?" and she was like "whatever." then she said I was IMAGINING things?! wtf?!
ugh. then we got in ANOTHER fight. kind of. I was trying on her belt and I was like "can I wear this tonight?" and then she was just like "give it back. take it off." and then she got all serious and I was like "why" and she was like "just take it OFF." and all bitchy. and so I took it off, I was pissed that she was being so bitchy and I gave it to her and said "you're turning into jessica." and then she started laughing and was like "I was just KIDDING!!" and kept laughing and I was just pissed. I did not think it was funny.
uuugh. and there's just. ugh. lots of other things. she is so confusing and a lot of times I can't tell if I'm being bitchy or if she is, because I always thought she was so perfect, I always put her way above me and always thought I was less than her. so I usually blame myself but I'm starting to realize that SHE has lots of problems too. which is understandable, her family is fucking FUCKED up.
she was writing something down, and I had an idea or something and I was like "ooh lemmie see the pen" to write it down, and I reached to grab it from her hand and she got all pissed. she was like "you can't just GRAB that from me. what the fuck." and then I said I'm sorry, but that if she did that to me, or something like that to me I would just let her have it, I wouldn't get pissed. and then I said that she's a lot less generous than I am. just with... everything. like she comes to my house, starts digging through my clothes and what not and I don't even care, I don't think twice about it. and then I go through her clothes and she's like "you could have asked first..." and stuff. I don't know. it's complicted. I fucking share my food with her EVERY DAY at school. and... it just.. she COULD bring her own lunch but instead she just doesn't, and then I do and then we're sitting there and of course I share. which I don't even MIND, but she's just lazy like that... with lots of things, too, not just food. she won't even fucking do her homework, and then whines about getting bad grades and how HARD it is and how HARD life is blah blah... and I'm like why don't you DO your homework? it's EASY. it's so fucking simple. last year I was in AP classes and it was easy. but she's just. LAZY. and it... irritates me.
but I'm so... ugh. not fun.
she IS on her period. maybe it's just gnarly PMS. hopefully.
we hung out with aly. I was jealous of aly, because ina may was acting bitchy to me but all nice to aly. and... it's just.. I don't know. I feel like I'm always trying to prove myself to ina may, or just... always asking myself, what is she thinking, would she think this is stupid, would she be mad if I did this. stuff like that. and I'm getting sick of it.
whatever.
so I saw julian last night. cause we went down to james' for julian's birthday party. I love julian. he hasn't changed a bit. except for he's an alcoholic now and his hair is really fucking long, I swear he's growing a mullet. I kept telling him I watned to cut it but he wouldn't let me. but it was sooo fun talking to him again. then james basically said we had to leave cause he was being pissy. he drove us home. we were like "we can just walk home in a little while..." and he was like no.
there was a huge party in haiku, last night, that EVERYONE went to. I wanted to go. christine told me to go with her, and to call her and I <3 christine and I really wanted to but instead hung out with ina may all night. who was not being pleasant. but yeah, I told christine I would call her today and I think I might. I don't fucking CARE if she's a goof trooper. I love christine. she's so sweet.
and... other than that. my life is so fucking lame right now.
ugh.
smoking isn't even fun to me anymore. it's just... pointless.
yesterday I went up to ina may's. we got stoned. and she did some really bitchy things, which was fucking surprising because I have never thought she could intentionally be bitchy before. ugh but she was. it was just fucking STUPID. we were sitting there at her kitchen table stoned and she was eating ice cream and I asked for some and she kept eating it and eating it and I wasn't even pissed, we were laughing... then she finally gives it to me and before I can take a bite she's like "give it back" and I was like "no" and she got all totally serious and was like "give it back, what the fuck sophia, it's my ice cream blah blah" and I don't like when she gets that pissy tone in her voice so I just gave it back to her to make her happy. so she gets it back and starts eating more of it, and I hadn't even got any. and she was laughing. I started laughing too because I don't stay mad that easily and I was just like.. okay.. whatever. so I finally got the ice cream and I'm eating it and she's like "okay give it back" and I was like no. and she kept asking and I wouldn't, and she got all pissed off and I still wouldn't give it to her and then I FINALLY did and I started laughing after I did give it back, and she was still all pissed. she was soo pissed. well, for her standards anyway, to most people it wouldn't seem that pissed off but because I know her so well I could tell. and she was like "you're so selfish. are you THAT stoned? are you THAT greedy?" and I was like "I just did that because of what YOU just did to ME. don't you remember?" and she was like "whatever." then she said I was IMAGINING things?! wtf?!
ugh. then we got in ANOTHER fight. kind of. I was trying on her belt and I was like "can I wear this tonight?" and then she was just like "give it back. take it off." and then she got all serious and I was like "why" and she was like "just take it OFF." and all bitchy. and so I took it off, I was pissed that she was being so bitchy and I gave it to her and said "you're turning into jessica." and then she started laughing and was like "I was just KIDDING!!" and kept laughing and I was just pissed. I did not think it was funny.
uuugh. and there's just. ugh. lots of other things. she is so confusing and a lot of times I can't tell if I'm being bitchy or if she is, because I always thought she was so perfect, I always put her way above me and always thought I was less than her. so I usually blame myself but I'm starting to realize that SHE has lots of problems too. which is understandable, her family is fucking FUCKED up.
she was writing something down, and I had an idea or something and I was like "ooh lemmie see the pen" to write it down, and I reached to grab it from her hand and she got all pissed. she was like "you can't just GRAB that from me. what the fuck." and then I said I'm sorry, but that if she did that to me, or something like that to me I would just let her have it, I wouldn't get pissed. and then I said that she's a lot less generous than I am. just with... everything. like she comes to my house, starts digging through my clothes and what not and I don't even care, I don't think twice about it. and then I go through her clothes and she's like "you could have asked first..." and stuff. I don't know. it's complicted. I fucking share my food with her EVERY DAY at school. and... it just.. she COULD bring her own lunch but instead she just doesn't, and then I do and then we're sitting there and of course I share. which I don't even MIND, but she's just lazy like that... with lots of things, too, not just food. she won't even fucking do her homework, and then whines about getting bad grades and how HARD it is and how HARD life is blah blah... and I'm like why don't you DO your homework? it's EASY. it's so fucking simple. last year I was in AP classes and it was easy. but she's just. LAZY. and it... irritates me.
but I'm so... ugh. not fun.
she IS on her period. maybe it's just gnarly PMS. hopefully.
we hung out with aly. I was jealous of aly, because ina may was acting bitchy to me but all nice to aly. and... it's just.. I don't know. I feel like I'm always trying to prove myself to ina may, or just... always asking myself, what is she thinking, would she think this is stupid, would she be mad if I did this. stuff like that. and I'm getting sick of it.
whatever.
so I saw julian last night. cause we went down to james' for julian's birthday party. I love julian. he hasn't changed a bit. except for he's an alcoholic now and his hair is really fucking long, I swear he's growing a mullet. I kept telling him I watned to cut it but he wouldn't let me. but it was sooo fun talking to him again. then james basically said we had to leave cause he was being pissy. he drove us home. we were like "we can just walk home in a little while..." and he was like no.
there was a huge party in haiku, last night, that EVERYONE went to. I wanted to go. christine told me to go with her, and to call her and I <3 christine and I really wanted to but instead hung out with ina may all night. who was not being pleasant. but yeah, I told christine I would call her today and I think I might. I don't fucking CARE if she's a goof trooper. I love christine. she's so sweet.
and... other than that. my life is so fucking lame right now.