i miss new jersey. well not new jersey, but the people in it. i miss my friends and the diner and cigarettes and coffee. i miss knowing the language and everyone there. i have missed so much and everything inside of me tells me i have missed more than i should have. i feel like something big happened. i feel like some big things happened. i ( Read more... )

what i've lost isn't anything compared to what i could be giving up. and i dont want to, but pride won't allow me to watch this anymore.

better than a gun to your head, i'd rather watch you watching me have sex with someone you care about. i want to see your heart being ripped from chest and shattered on the floor through your eyes. have you go pale and lose your breath because a pulse matters so much less when you play witness to the one you love spreading their legs for ( Read more... )

if i had to choose.
between you & them.
i'd choose them.

lately i am just indifferant.
&& uninterested.

i have a voice that needs to be heard.
but there's this great divide,
between what im thinking
& what falls from my lips.
i live with a filter in me.
and i'm just dying
to have it removed.

i have a need to be loved,

but not to love others.

and i see nothing wrong with it.

i'm cruel and narcisistic.

for some reason

i think beyond reasoning.

and my emotions spin

out of control, at a speed

that is too high for me too count.

when i close my eyes

i see something new & raw.

my head seems to move

without moving at all.

and the entire time i ( Read more... )

august 17th, 1994.  It was the day i bought my first CD, Weezer's Self-title blue album, and i was 10 years old.  it was fifth grade. my favorite songs that year were "New age girl" by dead eye dick, "Buddy Holly" by weezer, "Peaches" by presidents of the USA, and "The sign" by ace of base.  i bought that CD with the birthday money i had received ( Read more... )

the whole idea of telling your life story to a complete stranger is so strange. yet it happens so easily. how is someone that does not know you have the ability to get inside your mind and tell you why you are the way you are? further more, if you don't tell the complete truth how will you ever know the real you? i know one thing, sitting on a ( Read more... )

my heart is pounding. my face is flush. it's wet from the tears ( Read more... )