INVASION - Chapters 11 to 13 (end)
Chapter Eleven
The first thing Brian thinks when he wakes up is that his arm has fallen completely off. He tries to move it, but only succeeds in flailing his wrist around, wiggling his fingers uselessly. His eyes open as he registers this difference and glances at the offending limb only to find a sleeping blond weighing it down.
He’s momentarily confused. And frightened. He wracks his brain and then... smiles.
A wide, unashamed smile.
He tries, once again, to move his arm. Justin lets out a small groan as he feels the muscles of the arm under his body flex and shift. Instead of moving away, Justin rolls over and covers half of Brian’s body with his warmth. He smiles sleepily, never opening his eyes and wraps his arms around Brian’s naked torso.
The feel of skin alerts his senses and suddenly, his eyes are wide open, looking around the room in a uncomfortable daze. His eyes land on Brian, who watches his pupils adjust as Justin becomes more aware of his surroundings.
Justin’s hair is standing every which way, puffing out horridly in the back and pressed flat near his ears. Brian brings a hand up to his head and tries, hopelessly, to flatten it. “You need a haircut,” Brian repeats Daphne’s words from last night.
Justin shakes his head. “I’m growing it out.”
Brian doesn’t seem to mind this idea. He continues playing with Justin’s hair, giving up on flattening it and instead, running his hands through the small, loose knots, feathering it more. Justin moans and opens his lips slightly. “God, I love it when people play with my hair,” he says huskily, smiling up at Brian.
Giving Justin’s hair one final tug, Brian lifts his body, forcing Justin to sit up quickly. “Oh God!” Justin moans, clutching the sides of his head. “The room!” He gasps. “It’s... spinning. Oh. Make it stop, please!”
Brian barks out a laugh. “That’s what you get for insisting that you can drink me under the table, Sunshine.”
Justin puts a finger to his lips. “Shhhh. Morning time is quiet time.”
Brian snorts. “You’re such a baby,” he teases, lightly slapping Justin’s back before sliding off the bed.
“Where are you going?” Justin asks, forgetting his dizziness.
“To take a shower. The munchers are having that brunch today, remember? We’ve got to be there looking shiny and new.”
“Can I...” Justin starts to ask, but shakes his head and gropes for the covers, pulling them over himself as his cheeks flush red.
“What is it?” Brian asks. He looks at Justin closely and can’t help but smile. From Justin’s reaction alone, Brian knows what Justin wants. “Want to join me?” Justin’s off the bed and next to him before Brian even blinks. Laughing, Brian pushes Justin towards the bathroom, saying, “I guess that’s a yes.”
In the shower, Brian watches greedily as Justin turns away from him, letting the water cascade down his pale, naked body. His eyes focus on Justin’s slim waist, surprisingly muscular legs, and... He feels his body react.
Last night they were too inebriated to have sex, but this morning... He reaches out for Justin, enveloping him in his long arms, pressing his body tightly against Justin’s. Justin turns his head to look at Brian, his eyes full of questions. Brian licks his lips and smirks, causing Justin to blush. He reaches down and slowly ascends his hand when Justin steps away. They stand on opposite sides of the stall, Brian confused and Justin...
Scared.
Brian recognizes that look. It resembles something he’s seen on his own face many times before. Something hidden, dark, and private.
“Justin...” Brian begins, taking a small step toward him.
Justin shakes his head and offers a smile. “It’s just that... I wasn’t lying when I said that I haven’t bottomed in a long time. I haven’t.”
Brian tilts his head. “Well, I... uh... I don’t bottom.” He sighs, “Well... this is gonna... be problematic.”
“I’m not ready,” Justin whispers, squinting his eyes and scrunching his nose. He turns away from Brian and slumps his shoulders in defeat. “It’s okay,” he tells the man, stepping toward the shower door. “I’ll leave.”
“What?” Brian’s lost. “No. We don’t have to... fuck...” This isn’t what he wants. Not at all and it makes him frown deeply.
“It’s okay, Brian. I guess, fundamentally, we’re just too different.”
“You think that I’d insist on fucking you even though you’ve said no? Is that what you would do if I said no? Fuck me anyway?”
“No,” Justin’s voice raises. “No. Of course not.”
The sound of the water hitting the tile floor almost muffles Brian’s whispered, “Then we’re not that different from one another.”
Justin’s eyes narrow as he regards Brian with interest. “Brian?” He asks, pausing until Brian’s looking at him. “What is it you want?”
“From what?” Brian responds hoarsely, clearing his throat and nervously clenching-unclenching his fists.
“From this, I guess. From... from me.”
Brian finally meets Justin’s eyes. He opens his mouth and then shuts it, shaking his head from side to side. Justin can see the wheels turning. “No one’s...” Brian pauses, trying to find the right words. “No one’s ever asked me that before. Usually it’s... what they want; what they need. I’ve never... never really thought about what I want.” He swallows hard. “I’ve never really thought about it before.”
Justin lets him stand there in silence for a minute before he asks, “Well, why’d you take me here last night and not home?”
Grinning, Brian says, “‘Cause the munchers would’ve flipped if I dropped you on their doorstep drunk and singing show tunes.”
“I was not singing show tunes.”
Brian lifts an eyebrow and throws Justin a half-smile. “You’re right. I wouldn’t exactly call what you were doing last night singing either.”
The stare at each other and then start giggling. The water becomes cold and they both are suddenly aware of their surroundings. Laughing, they jump out of the shower and into warm towels.
“That’s one of the most serious conversations I’ve ever had in a shower before,” Brian tells Justin, his voice muffled as he leans over to dry his hair.
Justin watches the muscles on Brian’s back move as he towels his hair. Smiling wryly, Justin walks up to Brian, placing a hand on his bent back and starts caressing the skin. Brian’s movements still and slowly, he stands up, turning around to face Justin. “What?” He asks cautiously.
Shaking his head, Justin smiles. “You’re... amazing.”
“I know,” Brian leans down and kisses Justin’s cheek, turning away quickly. He’s not about to admit it, but he’s embarrassed.
Justin follows him into the bedroom. He stares openly at Brian’s naked body. “You know...” Justin says, his voice low. Brian’s curious eyes meet his own. “Just ‘cause I’m not ready to let you fuck me doesn’t mean I can’t blow you.” Justin has to stifle a giggle as Brian’s eyes widen and he licks his lips expectantly. “How does that sound?” He asks, breathing warm air onto Brian’s face.
Looking down at his growing cock, Brian grins and raises his arms in offering. “That sounds fabulous.”
But right as Justin slides down to his knees, a loud bang resounds through the loft. “Brian?” A voice calls out. The two look at each other and, sighing, Justin gathers his clothing and shuts the bathroom door behind him.
*****
To his credit, Michael does ring. He waits, impatiently, for a couple seconds and when he doesn’t get a response, huffs indigently and presses the code. The door buzzes open and he avoids the elevator, taking the stairs two at a time. He has his key out before he even reaches the top step, deciding not to knock and instead, unlocks the loft door and walks right in.
He’s been doing it for years.
Brian hurries out of the bedroom, hair still wet from his shower, towel secure around his waist. “Michael,” he sputters. “What the fuck?”
Michael rushes over to him, carefully inspecting him. “Ben said you needed to talk to me last night. God, I was so pissed that he didn’t wake me.”
Brian shrugs and glances toward his bedroom. “That’s okay. Ben helped out. Look, Mikey,” he begins, placing an arm around Michael’s shoulder. “Now isn’t such a good time.”
“But Brian,” Michael argues, moving away from Brian’s grasp. “You’re the one who came to me, remember? Since I’m here, we might as well go to the munchers together.”
Brian shakes his head slowly. “No. I’ll leave later.”
Curious, Michael folds his hands on his hips and stares intently. “What the fuck’s going on?” A noise comes from the bedroom and Michael smiles. “Oh. I get it. Well, I’ll wait ‘til you dispose of your trick. Don’t worry about that. I don’t mind.”
Brian looks trapped. He brings his hands up to his hair and weaves them through a few times before he shakes his head. “No. That’s not gonna happen this time, Mikey. Just go. I’ll come over later.”
Michael’s face falls, a deep frown immediately replaces his smile. “What do you mean?”
“I’ll talk to you about it late--” But Michael’s already heading over to the bedroom, looking in.
“Is he hot?”
Brian lets out a small chuckle. “Yeah. You could say that.”
Lifting a brow, Michael walks back to Brian. “Have fun last night?” He asks, noticing the carefree smile playing on Brian’s lips. “He musta been something special.”
“Yeah. He is.”
Michael frowns at Brian’s word choice. He notices the bathroom door and a shadow underneath it. “Are you sure you don’t want me to wait?” Michael asks, squinting, as if he can make out the shadow’s form.
“Yeah.” Brian watches the door with Michael for a moment, seeming both eager and uncertain. “Thanks for dropping by, Mikey,” Brian tells Michael, ushering him, finally, to the front door. “Tell the girls I’ll be there as soon as possible.”
“But--”
Brian leans in and kisses Michael’s cheek, grinning. “You’re a great friend, you know that?” He sounds, well, sincere and that causes Michael to smile broadly and blush happily. “The best, actually. You’re... my best friend.”
Michael’s smile falters. He glances again at the bathroom door then back to Brian. “You’re my... best friend, too.”
They leave it at that. Michael leans against the loft door for a moment, listening to the muffled silence from inside before pushing off and pressing the button for the lift. Perhaps he’s hoping that Brian will change his mind. Or perhaps he’s just waiting to see this trick that Brian seems so... enamored with.
Snorting to himself, Michael walks into the lift and shakes his head. He can’t wait to tell the gang about this.
Brian, letting a trick spend the night and looking so happy about it? Impossible. Yet, he saw it with his own two eyes. Hell, he felt it. It radiated off of Brian, pulsating. It rubs off on him, because Michael’s now humming a mindless tune.
He stops and thinks briefly of Justin.
“Poor kid,” he mutters, climbing into his car. He wonders how Justin will handle this and is, for a moment, sad. For Justin. Because he’s had first hand experience with Brian’s never-gonna-happen flirtation. He knows that feeling of hope--desperate and useless.
Ever since Justin’s become so chummy with Brian, he’s felt extreme dislike for the man. Not that he hates him. No, Michael’s not the type of person that can ever truly hate another human being. But, he dislikes the potential of Justin. He still remembers Brian talking so... lovingly about Justin. Justin being smart and funny and... hot. Well, Brian’s never actually said that, but Michael’s not blind. Justin’s very good-looking. He can’t imagine how many gym hours it’d take him to get an ass even close to Justin’s pert bubble butt.
It’s that they’re friends. Michael would rather them lovers than friends. But...
He shakes his head. Justin will obviously be put on the back burner now that Brian’s found someone.
God, that sounds so weird.
He wonders how long it will last.
Michael’s hand pauses above his ignition. He feels his heart tug, but then he thinks of Ben and smiles. He unrolls his window and stares up at Brian’s loft before finally starting his car and driving away.
*****
“Where’s Sunshine?” Is the first thing out of Debbie’s mouth as they all sit around the living room, cocktails in hand.
Lindsay growls something undetectable, but calms down when Melanie places a hand around her waist.
“He went out last night. Never came home,” she tells them. Emmett opens his mouth to say something, but is shot down by the look Melanie gives him. “We’re not worried, though. We know where he is.”
Debbie, surprisingly, leaves it at that.
Brian saunters in only moments after they all find seats at the dining room table, followed shortly by Justin.
“Don’t you two know how to arrive anywhere on time?” Mel asks, shaking her head as she straps Gus into his high chair.
“We’re here,” Brian explains, plopping down on a seat next to his son. “Isn’t that what matters?”
Melanie rolls her eyes as she pushes Gus in. “I sure hope that Gus doesn’t take after you.”
“Be lucky if he does,” Brian smiles, making a ridiculous face at Gus, who giggles relentlessly. “I’m perfect.”
Debbie snorts along with Melanie.
“Hey, Boy Wonder,” Michael says. “Where’d you go last night? Your mothers were worried about you.”
Justin’s face pales for all of two seconds. Long enough to catch Debbie’s attention, who, turning away from her conversation with Ted, asks, “Yeah. The girls said you didn’t come home.”
The table quiets as they watch Justin’s face go from abnormally pale to obnoxiously pink. “I was... at a friend’s,” he mutters, twisting his napkin in his lap, refusing to look up.
The gang tease him a bit. “Oooh, a boyfriend” and “Did you get some?” and “What’s his name?” But they soon tire of Justin’s refusal to get riled up.
Eventually, Michael turns to Brian and gives him the fourth degree about the trick that wasn’t kicked out. Brian thwarts their high-pitched squeals and shakes his head ruefully, never divulging a thing.
Chapter Tweleve
Brian remembers Justin telling him once that he comes with baggage. And Brian’s okay with this. Hell, everyone comes with baggage; his own life hasn’t been a walk in the park. It’s just that he never realizes how much baggage Justin comes with until he tries to fuck him.
It happens once. A couple weeks after the brunch. He’s tired of waiting and confused by the signals Justin keeps giving him. So, he throws caution to the wind and is shot down.
Yes, he, Brian Kinney, is rejected.
And it pisses him off, still! Three days later. He’s heard neither hide nor hair from Justin and at first, he’s glad. Damn right the kid better be laying low. But as the hours tick by, as his loft becomes unbearably lonely, he starts regretting his actions.
This whole relationship thing... it’s a bad idea. He knows this now. He knew it from their first kiss. No, not the soft, hesitant one on the muncher’s porch. The heated, crazy, hash-filled one they shared a couple weeks later. Brian can still recall Justin’s eagerness to share. His heat, his mouth, his tongue, his saliva, his... body.
Throwing his pen across his office, Brian mutters a string of explicatives.
No! Not his body. Anything but that!
Brian’s pants tighten just thinking about Justin’s lithe body, that’s how bad he’s got it for him. And he knows what a fucking sex-kitten Justin is. The way he talks about sex! The way... the way he sucks Brian’s cock. Fuck. That... haste to taste and touch and lick and be. In all his experiences, Brian has never been affected by a blow job as much as he has by one of Justin’s.
He bends over to pick up his pen.
...Bending over...
He can easily do it. He can. Brian knows that they can correct the whole intercourse issue by a simple “fuck me, Justin.” But he won’t. Not after all those years; all those years as the predatory top. As the Stud of Liberty Avenue. As Brian fucking Kinney. He’s worked hard to be the top he is today. He could... God, he could fucking rock Justin’s fucking world if the kid would only let him!
“Fucking shit!” He bellows, standing up straight and once again tossing his pen across the room.
He needs to get laid so bad that it hurts. Literally. The strain in his crotch is driving him insane. But, he’s already had two tricks today and he still feels unsatisfied. The first trick’s body was disappointment enough. It was so unlike Justin’s. He could hardly keep his erection. He didn’t even bother undressing the second trick.
Brian walks over to his desk and tentatively pick up his phone to dial a newly memorized number. It rings, over and over, until the voicemail picks up. Justin’s surprisingly deep voice whispers in his ear to leave a message, but he doesn’t. He can’t. Brian Kinney doesn’t beg.
Grabbing his wallet, Brian marches out of his office. “I’m going for lunch!” He yells over his shoulder before stomping into the elevator and angrily presses a button, mashing it multiple times. The two women in the elevator huddle in the corner together, glancing, half in terror, half in wonder, at Brian.
He doesn’t know why he chooses the diner--
Okay, yes, he does know. It’s because he has a small glimmer of hope that he’ll see Justin there. And that Justin will see the error of his ways and cry out for Brian to take him and fuck him backwards to next thursday and then flip him over and do it again.
That’s why he chooses the diner. He can feel his face melt when he looks around to find the diner decently crowded, but void of said blond.
“Brian?” He looks up to find Daphne, a frown stenciling worry lines around her mouth.
He offers her a sideways grin and motions for her to join him. She slides in wearily and he knows, at that moment, that Justin has talked to her.
“So, I made a mistake,” Brian mumbles after ordering. He can’t take anymore of Daphne staring at him. “So sue me.”
“A big mistake,” she agrees.
He wishes he ordered some coffee, at least it would give him something to fiddle with as he remains under Daphne’s angry scrutiny.
“But, goddamnit, I’ve waited a long time. I’ve been patient.”
Huffing, Daphne leans back into the booth. “A few weeks isn’t being patient--”
“It is for me!” He nearly yells. Half the diner hushes as they regard Brian and Daphne with excited curiousness.
Their sandwiches arrive and they both are grateful for the distractions. Brian’s mood has gone from angry to ashamed in less than five minutes. It’s a new record for him, he thinks. The being ashamed part, not the mood shift. He’s always been a bit... bipolar. Lindsay accused him of this once in college, after he made fun of her shamelessly when they first met. “You’re nothing but a bipolar faggot!” were her exact words. Brian knew that they’d be great friends.
“Besides,” Daphne begins. He watches as she delicately cuts her sandwich into quarters. “It’s not like you guys are monogamous. Why not just fuck someone else?”
Brian’s eyebrows fly off his forehead when she says this. “What makes you think I haven’t already?”
“Oh, I know you have.”
He frowns.
“Look, Brian,” Daphne says. She waits until he does, literally, look at her. “How much of his past has Justin told you?”
Shrugging, Brian replies, “A lot. I mean, enough. I don’t know. I know about his childhood and his dad disowning him. I know about the bashing...”
Daphne nods and then corrects herself, “I meant about his past relationships.”
Brian drops his sandwich back on his plate, picking up a napkin to wipe his hands. “I know that the few he’s had were bad. I know that his last boyfriend hit him.” This still angers him, because he knows what it’s like to be in that sort of situation and feel helpless against the attacks. It’s moments like those that aided in defining who he is today.
“Then you should know why it’s so hard for Justin to bottom,” Daphne says matter-of-factly.
“I just... I don’t see why it’s such a big deal.”
Tilting her head and biting back a grin, Daphne asks, “Then why don’t you bottom?”
How do you explain to a straight woman the dynamics of the top/bottom mentality? Instead, Brian grimaces and pretends that his sandwich is the most interesting specimen of food he’s ever seen. Daphne shakes her head sadly and continues eating her own meal, only occasionally stopping to study Brian.
She watches a myriad of emotions cross his face. Justin’s right: on the outside, Brian seems so reserved and stoic. It’s all in the eyes.
“If you were just patient--”
“I’ve been patient enough,” Brian bites out, immediately regretting his words.
Daphne sits up and glares at Brian. Dropping the last of her sandwich on her plate, she takes out a twenty and throws it on the table. Sliding out of the booth, Daphne stops only to turn to Brian and say, “I’m glad he didn’t put out,” she grinds the words bitterly. “You’re not worth it.” Shaking her head one last time, she walks away, waving casually at Debbie before leaving the diner.
Brian sinks into his seat. Justin was right, it’s too early for all this drama. But, now--now it’s too late to stop it. Shit! He’s in shit creek.
“What is up with you guys lately?” Debbie demands, placing her hands on her hips, snapping her gum anxiously.
“What?” Brian isn’t really in the mood to banter.
“First Sunshine comes in looking like someone walked all over his grave. And now you look ‘bout ready to scream. Even that sweet girl, Daphne, seemed so--”
“Forget about it, Deb.” Brian gets up, adding to Daphne’s twenty. “Must be the weather. Keep the change.”
“Hey!” Debbie calls out. She jogs up to him, a huge grin plasters her face. “How’s your man?”
“What?”
“The trick that you didn’t kick out? The one Michael was telling us about...”
Brian sucks in a breath, letting it out, he slowly says, “There’s no one, Deb.”
*****
Justin’s helping Melanie and Lindsay redecorate Gus’ room. They were going to ask Brian, but seeing how down Justin’s been the past few days, they changed their minds. Justin hasn’t told them anything, but they know, when he’s ready, he’ll explain. At least, that’s what they’re hoping for. Sometimes, it’s hard to tell with Justin. He’ll open up about the oddest things. Yet, sometimes it’s the simplest explanation that will have him pensive and resistant.
They’re hoping that this whole Brian thing won’t be one of those moments.
Lindsay stands back to watch Justin rip off the wallpaper boarder hastily. She watches how sloppy he’s being, how imprecise and inartistic his hands are. “Jesus, Justin. Take the whole wall with you,” she practically screeches as a piece of paint the size of her head drifts lazily to the floor.
Justin stops and sighs. He looks down at his angry cousin and says, “I’m sorry. I don’t think I’m in the mood for this.” He climbs down the ladder and wipes his hands on the tarp covering Gus’ dresser. “My brain’s all over the place today. Sorry.”
“What’s the matter, Justin?” Melanie asks softly before he can reach the door. He turns around, ready for a death match, but only confronts a look of genuine concern on her face.
Justin opens his mouth, seems to think the better of it, but then blurts out before he even has time to register what he’s saying, “It’s Brian.”
Lindsay, who’s halfway up the ladder, practically jumps off, throwing the tool she has in her hand to the floor. “I knew it! Mother fucker! I’m going to kill him.” She makes her way to the door, when Justin stops her.
“It’s not really him, it’s me, Linds. I swear. I’m the one not cut out for this. He’s been trying.”
“Why do I find that hard to believe?” She demands.
“‘Cause you know Brian. But, trust me on this one, this is all me.”
“So, you’re saying Brian had nothing to do with you behaving like a bumbling idiot the past couple days? That whatever problems you two are having is all your fault?”
“Well, no... Not entirely.”
“I knew it and I’m gonna kill him!”
Justin rolls his eyes. “If you’re going to behave like some deranged lunatic, then fine. But, shouldn’t you hear all the facts first?”
Melanie snickers. “You think she’s bad now, you should’ve seen her when she was pregnant.”
“Oh, and you’re one to talk!” Lindsay laughs.
Justin breaks the mood completely by saying, “I won’t let him fuck me.”
The two women turn their heads to stare openly at Justin. “What?” Melanie practically whispers.
“He wants to, but I just can’t seem to let go.”
“Wait...” Lindsay’s having a hard time understanding. “You mean... you’ve guys... It’s been almost a month!”
“You know, Lindsay,” Melanie starts. “Most people like to wait. To get to know each other before jumping into bed.”
“Yeah, but this isn’t ‘most people.’ This is Brian Kinney we’re talking about. I can’t believe he would agree to no sex.”
Justin shrugs his shoulder and slumps down on Gus’ bed. “I never told him no sex. I just... I asked him to wait to fuck me and he agreed is all.”
“What?” Lindsay asks again. Her mind can’t seem to fit around the concept of Brian Kinney waiting for sex.
“But I blew it all when I sort of... pushed him away the other night.”
Lindsay watches the torment on Justin’s face and takes a deep breath before saying, “Justin...” Justin looks up. “If this is the only problem in your... relationship with... Brian... Then, I don’t know what the fuck you’re doing here. You should be there, working this out with him, before you lose him. I’ve known Brian a lot longer than I care to admit and he’s never, I repeat, never gone without sex.”
Shaking his head, Justin explains, “No. We’re not... monogamous or anything. I mean, he’s had sex since we’ve gotten together. Just... not with me.”
Lindsay laughs despite herself. “Duh. I mean, no offense, but I can’t imagine Brian ever being monogamous. Ever. Though, I can’t imagine Brian wasting his time with you if there’s no sex--”
“Lindsay!” Melanie admonishes. Turning to Justin, she tries to explain, “What Lindsay means is that it’s obvious Brian wants to be with you, otherwise he wouldn’t have even bothered. He’s a fuck and go kind of guy. So, the fact that you guys haven’t fucked and he’s still with you... Well, that’s really too much to grasp right now.”
Justin shakes his head. “But... what if it’s the fact that I won’t put out that’s keeping him here. What if, once I do let him fuck me, he moves on to bigger and better things.”
“I’ve never liked Brian, Justin,” Melanie explains. “But, I do know him. And I know he doesn’t play hard to get and he never goes after someone. He’s not the type of person who will wait around. If someone won’t fuck him, Brian will just move on to the next best thing, no questions asked. I think you’re placing too many of your past insecurities on Brian. Just... trust your intuition.”
Standing up, Justin asks, “Do you mind if I bail on you guys? I need to get out.” He doesn’t wait for an answer and walks out the room. They hear his bedroom door shut somewhere out in the hall.
Lindsay turns to Melanie, a huge grin plastered on her face. “God, do you know how much I love you?”
*****
Justin watches Brian from the second floor of Babylon. It’s so much like that first night he saw Brian.
Justin can’t help but notice that Brian has yet to make a trip to the back room. He’s watched as potential tricks lean in, lick Brian’s neck, bite Brian’s lips, whisper naughty words into Brian’s ear, only to receive a curt shake of Brian’s head as an answer.
This time, though, his beer isn’t cold. It’s empty. He shakes the bottle, hoping the movement will cause some hidden liquor to appear, but the bottle remains empty. He sighs and places it on the floor next to his feet. The crouched position he’s in gives him a better view of Brian’s face.
Bored. He looks... bored. And for some secret, selfish reason this makes Justin really happy.
A pair of black tennis shoes knock his bottle. Startled, Justin falls on his ass. Looking up, Justin sees Michael, who holds out his hand to help Justin up. “Don’t you have anything better to do than watch Brian pick up guys?” He asks, reaching around to straighten Justin’s clothing.
“Don’t you,” Justin asks bitterly.
“Touché.” Justin moves away from him, but Michael stops him, holding out two beers. “Wait. I got you one. Thought we could have a drink together.”
Justin’s suspicious and he lifts the bottle in the light, inspecting it.
“I’m not gonna poison you or anything, Boy Wonder. Here,” he takes the bottle out of Justin’s hands and opens it. “There ya go. See? It wasn’t even opened.”
Justin reluctantly accepts the beer, never once offering a word of thanks. They both stare down at Brian, watching as he dances and declines.
“What’s up with him tonight?” Michael asks, gazing at his best friend in wonder. Justin merely shrugs and takes a huge sip of his beer. “Don’t drink it too quickly. You don’t want to be drunk before you’ve even danced with the man,” Michael says softly, taking the half empty bottle out of Justin’s hands.
Justin starts to nod, but then realizes what it is Michael said. “What?” He asks.
“It’s you, isn’t it? I get it.”
“What?” The liquor is making Justin’s brain fuzzy.
“You were the one at Brian’s loft that day. You’re the trick that didn’t leave. I’m not stupid. I’ve seen the way you guys act with each other. I get it.”
Justin swallows hard. “We... we weren’t trying to hide it or anything...”
“No? Then what were you trying to do? Wait for the opportune moment?” Michael’s voice is borderline mean. Taking a deep breath, Michael apologizes, saying, “No. I’m... sorry. It’s just going to take a while for me to get used to you guys... being together or whatever. I thought you were an usurper.”
Justin can’t help but giggle at this. “What?” He asks, astonished.
Michael has the decency to blush. “Well, yeah. I mean, from the moment you guys met it was like... I don’t know... an explosion...”
“Like... boom?” Justin helps.
“Yeah! Boom! That’s a good word for it. It’s like, I knew you guys were gonna be friends... if not something more. And that really pissed me off. ‘Cause I’m Brian’s best friend. Not some blond twink he met a few months ago.”
“I could never take your place, Michael.”
“I know that! God. I know. But, still... It’s hard to watch your best friend, the man who’s insisted ever since you’ve known him, that love is bullshit... that relationships don’t work out... and here he is, falling for his friend’s cousin with the cute bubble butt and troubled past.”
“You think I have a cute bubble butt?” Justin teases Michael.
“Fuck off. You know what I mean. So, I’ve accepted it. I mean, first I had to figure it out. And then after that, I had to get used to it. So, don’t fuck it up. I don’t know what’s going on between the two of you, but you’d better get that cute bubble butt down there and fuck him like there’s no tomorrow.”
“I would fuck him, if he’d let me.”
Michael turns to Justin. “You know... Sometimes sacrifices have to made. You should... you should...”
“What? Ask him to fuck me in the back room?”
“If that’ll make both of you happy, then yes. Hell yeah.” Michael pauses and follows Justin’s longing gaze to Brian. “Can I ask you something?”
“You’ve already interfered this much.”
“Have you guys fucked?”
Justin slams down his beer bottle so hard, Michael’s surprised it doesn’t break. “Why’s it always about sex with you guys?”
“It’s not. It’s not. I was just wondering.”
“Well, there’s your answer.”
They stand in uncomfortable silence, watching as Brian is tempted by a short brunette with a nipple ring. “I’ve never been fucked by Brian. I used to think that that’s the one thing I wanted in life. So, now that I meet you, and you don’t want Brian to fuck you... I can’t help but think you’re insane.”
“I do.”
“What?”
“I do want Brian to fuck me. God, Michael. I want it so bad. Sometimes, when I’m lying in my bed at night, alone and I’ll think about him, you know? About his cock and my ass and... God, I get so fucking hard. Once won’t just satisfy me. On nights like that, I just keep going. You can’t even begin to imagine how much laundry I do.” He pauses and they share similar grins. No, actually, Michael probably can imagine how much laundry he does. “But then... when we’re together and he’s touching me... At first I get so excited and then I start to think... God, what if history repeats itself? What if I give myself to this amazing man and... he hurts me?” The last few words are forced whispers and it takes a moment for Michael to register what Justin says.
Michael’s eyes widen. “Look, Justin. I can’t promise that Brian won’t hurt you emotionally. He’s... well, he hasn’t had a lot of practice being in a relationship. None, actually. But, physically? Brian will never, never ever, hurt you. I can promise you that. He won’t ever hurt you in a way that makes you bleed or bruise or break...physically.”
“How do you know?”
“I would never be friends with someone like that!” Michael’s breathing heavily and resists the urge to grab Justin and shake him as hard as he can.
Justin nods, taking in the sincerity of Michael’s voice, the cracking of his words. He once again looks down at Brian, takes a deep breath, and pushes away from the railing.
Chapter Thirteen
Brian doesn’t know how to dance, but at least he has rhythm. And sex appeal. What Brian lacks in talent he more than makes up for in attraction. At the bottom of the stairs, Justin has a clear view of Brian’s backside. He sways more than dances, swiveling and pivoting his hips intoxicatingly. Justin is mesmerized by the way Brian’s pants slide, ever so slowly, down Brian’s waist. When Brian raises his arms, Justin can see a hint of flesh. And it’s enough to drive him wild.
Justin licks his upper lip, tasting the salt of his sweat. He can’t decide if it’s the heat emanating off the grinding bodies that’s making him sweat, or Brian’s sexy swagger.
See? This is what he was talking about with Michael! He wants Brian so bad. So bad. What the fuck is his problem?
Well, his problems are too numerous to count. Too deep to erase. Too painful to forget.
Fuck. He’s fucked up.
If only he can find a way to tell Brian just how fucked up he is without scaring the man off completely...
Brian turns profile to dance with the man next to him. Or, to grind with the man next to him. Justin can see the man’s mouth drop open as Brian’s constant pressure against his groin starts to affect him. Justin’s own body begins to react and he’s not even the one being teased.
Brian glances quickly in his direction before turning back to his dance partner.
Okay, so... maybe he is the one being teased.
After a while, Brian tires of his dance partner and moves away from him, closer to Justin, but he doesn’t take the initiative to join him. Instead, he nods at him slightly, leaving the decision up to Justin.
And after the shit they went through a couple nights ago, it’s no wonder.
Justin’s face twists in embarrassment.
Taking a deep breath, Justin slides in front of Brian, taking in his rhythm and pace before joining him.
“I’m sorry,” he blurts.
Brian looks down at Justin through his long eyelashes. “Sorry’s bullshit.”
Justin shrugs. “You’re probably right. But I feel regret all the same.”
Brian stops moving and opens his eyes wide enough for Justin to see that he’s totally free of drugs. “No apologies.” He lifts a hand and cups Justin’s face. “No regrets.”
Leaning into the touch, Justin can hardly whisper, “Ever?”
Shrugging, Brian removes his hand and sways his hips again. “I saw you talking to Mikey.”
Justin steps closer and starts to dance, noticing how much of Brian’s attention is focusing on the way his body is moving. “He’s... on to us.”
Brian glances up at the scaffolding. Michael’s no longer there, but that doesn’t mean he’s not watching. “Hey,” Brian says suddenly, placing his arms gingerly around Justin’s shoulders. “This is the first time we’ve danced together. You’re...” Brian eyes him up and down. “You’re good.”
Blushing, Justin gives the appropriate response. “S’are you.”
“Yeah,” Brian snorts. “Right.” He pulls Justin a little bit closer to him. “I shouldn’t have... pushed you so hard the other night.”
Justin looks away.
“I mean, I know that when you’re ready... I don’t know what happened... I lost control...”
“It happens, Brian,” Justin cuts him off, a bit uncomfortable with where this conversation’s heading.
“Not to me. I never lose control. But around you, I can’t even... Never mind.”
Curious, Justin asks, “Around me you can’t what?”
“Nothing,” Brian looks... embarrassed. He tries to distract Justin by running his hands through his soft, blond hair.
Justin won’t let it go. “You can’t what?”
Brian looks around, to check if someone’s listening is Justin’s guess, before he leans forward. “Around you... I can’t even see straight.” Justin slows his dancing, trying to focus on Brian’s words. “I saw you at Babylon that night and I was like... whoa. And then I met you at Linds’ and you came outside with me and I was like... whoa. And then I went with you to the hospital and I was like... whoa. I didn’t even know what that meant. Hell, I still don’t. I just know that every time I’m around you... I’m like... whoa. I can’t even really function properly. It’s hard for me to focus sometimes on your words ‘cause my mind is working a mile a minute... thinking about you and all the things I could do to you if you’d only let me. And then I feel really bad about that. But, fuck... never mind... I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about. This is all too new for me. I don’t think I’m ever going to be good at this.”
By now, Justin’s stilled all his movement completely, instead, he’s just staring up at Brian in wonder.
“See? Now you’re thinking I’m insane. Fuck. I probably am. It’s just that... I’ve never... I’ve never wanted someone as much as you.” He sees Justin back away slightly. “I don’t mean sexually,” he insists, pulling Justin back to him. “I mean, well, yeah, hell yeah I want you sexually. Who wouldn’t? But I mean... Do I really have to say this?” Brian sucks his lips into his mouth.
“It’ll probably help,” Justin whispers.
“I don’t know what this means or anything, but it’s like... I’m making accommodations for you. Not in a bad way, I guess. Just shit I’ve never imagined myself doing before you came around. Like... I went to the grocery store to get some fruit and I picked up a package of those fucking cracker things you like just ‘cause you like them. And then I had to buy new sheets and I picked a color I thought you’d look good against. I don’t know why I’m doing shit like that. Fuck.” Brian looks away from Justin, lifting his arms off his shoulder and taking a step back. “I just thought you should know that it isn’t only about wanting to fuck you. That isn’t the only reason why I... like you.”
Justin swallows once and then once more, licking his lips nervously. “You like me?” He asks shyly.
Nodding, Brian says, “Well, yeah.”
“I see...” Justin trails off.
“Is there a problem?” Brian bites out. This is more than he’s ever done for any man before and Justin isn’t reacting the way he expects.
Justin’s eyes are huge, staring at Brian, waiting for... waiting for what, neither one of them know. Brian tries to ignore the way Justin’s body is shaking. It’s not too noticeable, actually. It’s so slight, that at first glance, Brian believes he imagines it.
“I fucked up again, huh?” Brian asks nervously.
“No.” Brian has to lean forward to hear this. “I just... can’t do this.” Justin lifts his hand to his face and nervously tucks his hair behind his ears. He looks up at Brian with those huge blue eyes and smiles.
“Justin...” Brian begins, but is stopped by Justin’s hand.
“This...” Justin starts to explain and Brian waits as patiently as he can for Justin to continue. “This... this is very hard for me. You don’t understand.”
“No. You’re right. I don’t. ‘Cause I’ve seen you trick before. I’ve seen you fuck, Justin. It’s not like you can’t do it. And you’ve run after me multiple times, demanding that I give you my attention and my respect and... my time. You’ve teased me on the dance floor, dancing seductively with other men until I want to rip my eyes out. You’ve licked my lips, pinched my nipples, and sucked my cock. You’ve... asked me to make decisions about us. Us. There’s never been an Us, ever, where I’m concerned. And here you come, out of nowhere, and demand that there be an Us. So, I try. God, I fucking try. So hard. I woo you and kiss you and... play nice with you. I act like a fucking pussy for you. Like, some love-sick lesbo. I give you everything you ask and then you... you suddenly... don’t want it? You’re fucking right I don’t understand.”
Justin is drowning in Brian’s words. “You’re right,” he says quickly. He opens his mouth to say something else, but someone pushes into him and he falls into Brian’s arms. He can feel Brian’s warm breath on his face, his strong hands around his body, and God, he’s never wanted anything else as much as he wants this--this man.
“Come on,” Brian tells him, standing him up before leading him off the dance floor. Brian takes Justin’s slightly smaller hand in his own and walks them out of Babylon. They walk across the street and stop in front a lamp post. Justin’s face is half shrouded in darkness, so Brian pushes him up against the post. “I need you to explain to me what it is I don’t understand. ‘Cause I thought I had you all figured out, but the longer we seem to spend time together, the...” He pauses and his mouth drops open, as if he’s just figured something out. Something important. And he has. “The more... scared... you seem to get.”
Under the harsh glare of the streetlight, Brian can see Justin flush . “God,” Brian says, nodding his head almost excitedly. “That’s it. You’re scared.” He smacks his forehead lightly and then starts to laugh.
Justin grows from embarrassed to angry. “Why’re you laughing at me?” He demands.
“And everyone thought it would be me. That I would be the one to run away from getting to close to someone. No one would ever suspect poor, little Justin.”
“Shut up.” Justin demands.
“No. It’s true. Here I am, getting yelled at left and right when all the time it’s been you who’s scared shitless.”
“Shut up,” Justin repeats, a little louder. People passing by stop to listen for a moment.
“What? You think just ‘cause you’ve had some bad experiences in the past... you think that just ‘cause some weak little faggot used to hit you... that I’m going to do the same?”
“Shut. Up.” Justin raises his voice. It cracks.
Brian shakes his head at Justin. “Oh. I get it perfectly now. It was all fun and games until it became serious and then you have to pussy out, afraid to start your life again. Afraid of something you have no control over--your past.”
“What about you, Brian, huh?” Justin screams. He doesn’t mean to, but the shit Brian’s saying is hitting home. And it hurts. No one’s ever gotten on his case like this before. Everyone’s... well, offered him pity and understanding.
Brian stops dead. “What about me?” He grinds his teeth. “What the fuck do you think you know about me?”
“You... you’ve lived your life by these stupid rules about love and relationships when we all know it’s ‘cause you had a fucked up childhood. Let’s see you move past your demons like I’ve moved past mine. Huh? Lindsay told me that you didn’t want to be her sperm donor ‘cause you were too afraid you’d end up like your old man. I don’t see how we’re much different in that respect. So, say all you want about me hiding from my past, ‘cause you’re doing it too!”
Brian gets in Justin’s face. “You don’t know shit.”
Justin returns the fury. “And you don’t know shit either.”
They’re glaring at each other, burning holes into their skulls. Justin’s eyes narrow as Brian’s face become a mask of indifference. Both men are breathing hard, practically spitting with anger.
Neither one knows who starts it, but suddenly, they’re in each other’s arms, biting at each other’s lips, clawing at each other’s backs. Brian pushes against Justin, who’s head hits the post, hard. He lets one of his hands wander to the back of Justin’s head, checking for a bump, but ends up winding his fingers around Justin's hair, pulling his head back. Justin’s gasping for breath, his lips are swollen and his tongue is handing out like a dog’s. Brian pulls Justin’s hair a bit harder, yanking Justin’s head back again before swooping down and swallowing Justin’s tongue in his mouth.
There’s a small alley near the post and Justin grabs Brian’s shirt and drags him into the darkness. The light from the street lamp casts odd shaped shadows on the dumpster and crates, but neither men notice this. Justin practically rips Brian’s shirt off his shoulders, leaning up on his toes to lick, suck, and bite the naked skin. His hands tremble at the buttons of Brian’s pants.
Brian’s groaning, letting Justin tear away at his clothes. Justin’s hands rest on his own, tugging at them, so Brian places them on his hips.
“No,” Justin moans, pulling at his hands some more.
Confused, Brian looks down into Justin’s eyes and watches as he pulls down his own pants and places Brian’s hands on his ass cheeks. “There,” he sighs.
Brian doesn’t move. Justin lets his back touch the disgusting wall behind him. He pushes against Brian’s hands and then, panting, grips the back of Brian’s neck and licks from the base of his neck to the bottom of his lips. Brian feels the warmth in his hands, the perfect skin melting into his fingers and he squeezes. Justin breaths an unbelievable sigh, nipping at Brian’s lips playfully.
“More,” he whispers.
Brian acquiesces to Justin’s demands.
“More.”
“Not yet.”
“Yes, there.”
“Oh, God.”
And finally, “Fuck me, Brian.”
Brian thinks he can come from just hearing the words. He brings his hand up to Justin’s mouth. “Suck,” he tells him, his breath catching as Justin’s tongue pulls his fingers into his mouth.
Brian probes and pushes and delves until his fingers are dry. He pulls out and Justin groans his disappointment. “Lube,” he says, searching clumsily in his pockets.
Justin’s arching, his cock brushing against Brian’s. “Fuck me,” he repeats. “Brian. Now.” His hands tighten on Brian’s shoulders. “Like this. The only way.”
Brian leads him to a pile of crates. He spreads his shirt on top of one before laying Justin down, his back and head resting on the box. Brian pulls Justin’s legs around his waist. “Stay,” he tells him, pulling out a condom.
It’s better than Brian could ever have imagined it to be. It starts out slow--oh so fucking slow. With Justin gasping and crying and his cock growing limp. When Brian’s all the way in--all the fucking way in!--they simply stare at each other. Brian doesn’t think he’s ever seen anything as sexy as Justin, spread out on the crate. So slutty, yet so... beautiful. Finally, Justin starts squeezing and pushing his readiness.
Justin comes before Brian, calling his name and covering his eyes with his hands. His back lifts off the crate and he practically throws Brian off his body. Brian waits through his orgasm before gently moving his hips again. Justin gasps and cries out. It’s too much. Too soon after. But, suddenly, Brian stops and comes wordlessly.
Brian falls on Justin, panting. They lay there, momentarily stunned as the edge of the crate digs into Justin’s thighs. But he doesn’t complain, even as Brian’s added weight almost makes him cry out from the shooting pain.
Instead, Justin brings a shaking hand up to Brian’s head and pats it. The touch seems to bring Brian back from... wherever his mind has wandered to. He glances up at Justin, enthralled by the way his flushed skin begins to cool off. First his face and then his chest, his body once again returning to its normally pale state.
“Well?” Brian asks, cupping Justin’s face. Well, what? But Justin can hear the hidden questions.
Now what?
Are you okay?
Did that feel good?
Am I forgiven?
Are you hurt?
Want to try again?
And Justin smiles lazily. “Whoa,” he whispers, lifting his head to kiss Brian’s parted lips.
Brian hovers over Justin and wonders how someone like Justin so easily invaded his life. Justin has major issues and Brian knows that fucking him hasn’t made them disappear, but he doesn’t mind. Because if this type of connection and heat and... absolutely splendid fucking is what he gets in consolation for all the drama, then Brian’ll stick to it.
No. Not consolation. That’s not the right word.
They dress slowly, Justin’s hands tremble as he buttons his pants. Worried, Brian asks, “Are you... okay?”
Justin nods quickly, but doesn’t meet Brian’s gaze.
“Are you gonna disappear again for a couple days?” Brian presses. He stops dressing and sits on the crate nearest to Justin.
“What?” Justin’s voice is sharp. “No, of course not.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
Justin pulls on his shirt and walks over to Brian, nodding for him to scoot over. They sit side by side, their knees resting comfortably against each other. “I wasn’t trying to tease you,” Justin says quietly, taking a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. He lights one and hands it to Brian.
“I didn’t think you were. Teasing me, that is. You’re just seriously fucked up.” He sticks his tongue in his cheek and grins wryly at Justin. “But then, so am I. So, I guess in a way we’re perfect for each other.”
Justin nudges Brian’s shoulder with his own. “Don’t let anyone hear you say that. They might... assume things.”
Shrugging, Brian nervously places his hand on top of Justin’s. “Let them. We’ve gotta keep things interesting in this fucked up town.”
Justin laughs and Brian can feel his body relax a little. “So... you wanna fuck again?” Brian asks, leaning back on the crate, smoking contentedly.
“Sure.” Justin curls up awkwardly beside him. “Maybe I can top this time.” He lazily paints a figure eight with his finger on Brian’s chest.
“Not in some dirty alley, you’re not.”
Justin stops drawing and smiles. “But that wasn’t a ‘no,’ right?”
“Yeah.”
Justin sits up slightly, grimacing as the crate bites into his elbow. “You’d... trust me enough to let me top you?”
Brian shrugs and takes a long hit of his cigarette. “Well, you trust me. It’s only fair.”
Leaning forward, Justin catches Brian’s lips in a messy kiss. “God, if you keep saying shit like that you’ll never get rid of me.”
“Good” is Brian’s simple reply.
They lay together on the dirty crates in a filthy alley, breathing in the stale air, but really fucking happy. And neither one of them can remember being as content or... comfortable. For now, that’s all that matters.
END.