Here's the first of many chapters to my new story. I haven't posted it on the BjFic site yet (that's the only other place I post). I will post it there soon. I just wanted to get some input
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I think it's great. I was a little confused by the mixed POV's.. sometimes I was in Justin's head and then all of a sudden I realized I was supposed to be in Brian's head, and then for a second I was in Boy in Black's head? I don't know, it kind of threw me off. But I still loved it like whoa, and would like them to have sex in the next chapter, please. lol
Oh, by the way? You are such a cigarette snob. I'm going to get my photographer friend to take pictures of me smoking, and then you'll see how wicked hot I make it, and you won't be able to bash me and my cigarettes-of-choice any more. Bitch.
Yeah. I fuck with the POVs a lot in this one. And I don't give any warning. I didn't even pause to think if that's going to be a problem. Fuck. Poo. To me, it just comes naturally... Brian... Justin... Brian...Justin... That's what usually happens when I write in third person POV. I choose third person when I want to be able to get into both their heads and fuck, it's not too difficult too follow because I already have a lot (a lot!) written. Waah. Now I'm all self-conscious....
I *am* a cigarette snob. I doubt anything you do will make stop me from making fun of your cigarette-of-choice. >.< I'll try, though! I promise!
Brian smiles, opens his mouth, stops, looks up, bites his lip, looks down, opens his mouth again, and laughs. “I dunno. I forget. I’m... a little high.”
that is the best description of that moment i've ever read! Just so perfect!
This story is gonna be great isn't it? its going to distract me from studying right? *is excited*
Ooo! You are such a tease! I like this opening, and I didn't find the jumping POV jarring. In fact, I really didn't notice it. Then again, I was reading it for enjoyment sake.
I can't wait to see where you take this one!
If you still are interested in a beta or just alpha level advice, let me know. I'm sort of known as the queen of angst in another fandom.(And if it makes you feel any better I totally suck at writing fluff.)
I didn't find the jumping POV jarring. In fact, I really didn't notice it
Oh, good. Whew. I was hoping someone else would comment on that. I was sitting here, worried that I'd have to change the whole thing.
As for a beta, I'm pretty cool right now. I might send future chapters out. There are some I'm really insecure with. But, for now, I'm good. Thank you soooo much!
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Oh, by the way? You are such a cigarette snob. I'm going to get my photographer friend to take pictures of me smoking, and then you'll see how wicked hot I make it, and you won't be able to bash me and my cigarettes-of-choice any more. Bitch.
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I *am* a cigarette snob. I doubt anything you do will make stop me from making fun of your cigarette-of-choice. >.< I'll try, though! I promise!
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that is the best description of that moment i've ever read! Just so perfect!
This story is gonna be great isn't it? its going to distract me from studying right? *is excited*
Great job princess!
kirsty
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Ahhahaha! Oooh, I *hope* so!
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I can't wait to see where you take this one!
If you still are interested in a beta or just alpha level advice, let me know. I'm sort of known as the queen of angst in another fandom.(And if it makes you feel any better I totally suck at writing fluff.)
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Oh, good. Whew. I was hoping someone else would comment on that. I was sitting here, worried that I'd have to change the whole thing.
As for a beta, I'm pretty cool right now. I might send future chapters out. There are some I'm really insecure with. But, for now, I'm good. Thank you soooo much!
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