Comments | _pocket_rocket_: Born Again: Chapter 5

_pocket_rocket_

Born Again: Chapter 5

May 20, 2005 11:35

Rating: Adults Only
Characters: Brian and Justin, to begin with; the rest of the gang, later.
Warning: Justin/Ethan, although you never see them have sex (Ummm... This will probably change. I didn't plan on it, but...); Hetero-Michael; drugs <--Hee hee.
Disclaimer: They're not mine.

Oh, and it's unbeta'd.

( Born Again: Chapter 5 )

born again, *series*

Comments 17

aishia May 20 2005, 19:41:30 UTC

HaHa! Mmm... very good. The lack of sex was made up for by the break-up, then again I suppose Brian can't be fucking all the time. I did emphasise with Ethan though, tea at most semi-restraunts, at least in the US, is really, really bad... I'm now really looking forward to the next, which wil hopefully have a bit of this Straight!Mikey you keep going on about.

_pocket_rocket_ May 20 2005, 21:41:43 UTC

They're not going to fuck in *every* chapter!

I've been to some places where they don't even serve hot tea, but you're not supposed to feel for Ethan. Baaaad.

The straight!Michael thing...I just wanted to see if anyone was gonna murder me if I made him hetero in my story. It's not like a main character, but I felt it needed a warning.

aishia May 20 2005, 22:47:11 UTC

They're not going to fuck in *every* chapter!
Well, technically, I knew that. But you can never be too sure with those two.

you're not supposed to feel for Ethan. Baaaad.
Well, of course not, a regular tea drinker would know better by now. But it's happened to me and I couldn't help cringing... *sighs* I'm happy Ethan's gone.

princesskirsty May 20 2005, 20:35:23 UTC

even in fics where the author loves ethan i hate the little twit, i get the impression you hate him, no? anyway, love your honest portrayal of his annoying ways (everything he did pissed me off!).

great chapter, can't believe Mel was late, how can she? just don't let him sign the papers, make Mel leave and linds die and give Gus to Brian.

great chapter, there was a couple of grammar mistakes but i can't remember where so they couldn't have been that big! i think a bit said years when you meant yearns. hope i helped!

kirsty
xxx

_pocket_rocket_ May 20 2005, 21:37:23 UTC

Yeah, I don't like Ethan. In general, I don't like people like him. Fake. Boring. Blah.

Gramatical errors: hence my un-beta claim. I didn't read over this chapter at all.

Brian and Gus. Hm. I don't think he's ready to be a full-time father. But, a father, yes.

princesskirsty May 20 2005, 22:06:54 UTC

and Mel is a wonderful mother? i would rather Brian and his tricks bring up my kids than Mel, Linds i wouldn't mind.

mo_52 May 20 2005, 21:56:57 UTC

Yay, bye bye Ian! Hetero-Mikey, where are youuuuuuuuuu?

sydneyalexis May 20 2005, 22:14:32 UTC

He's waiting the the wings...screwing his girlfriend.

LOL!

_pocket_rocket_ May 20 2005, 23:13:58 UTC

::snickers::

_pocket_rocket_ May 20 2005, 23:16:54 UTC

I should *never* have mentioned Michael. Hee hee.

sydneyalexis May 20 2005, 23:09:06 UTC

I'm offering concrit here. Realize I'm only offering it because: 1) you've accepted it in the past, 2) I think this story has a vast quantity of potential, 3) you're a good writer that's shown tremendous amounts of growth ( ... )

_pocket_rocket_ May 20 2005, 23:35:36 UTC

I think it would read better if Justin figured out about the paperwork being the cause of what's going on and he [Justin] was the one that suggested getting a drink, talking things through (or the drinks as a means to getting Brian to talk)Hm. Maybe, but I like that Brian's more open in this story than he normally is. I wanted to play around with him. See what works and what doesn't; how much can I tweak him (not in the drug sense) and still allow him to be Brian Fucking Kinney. I hate how Justin's always the one figuring things out and making an effort. So, I tried a little give and take. Maybe it's not working. How sad. I don't want to change it ( ... )

sydneyalexis May 21 2005, 00:07:20 UTC

I don't want to make this story about Justin's choice between Ethan and Brian.

It's been my experience that, when I'm building up to the point that I want to move on, it's the little things that a person does that drives me nuts. The way he stirs his coffee and slurps the first sip to test the temp, for example. The way he hums when he's shaving. And the way he treats his violin like it's a living thing and always with more care than he does real people.

Maybe if you built it up to a head more? Daphne sitting beside both of Ethan and Justin watching the play of emotions on Justin's face and Ethan's confusion at them and discomfort over being in a gay neighborhood/lowly diner. Justin sitting across from Ethan in the diner comparing Ethan to Brian and then finally exploding on him so that there's this build up and release.

I don't know if Justin really cares about monogomy.Canon Justin did with Ethan because Ethan promised it. This Justin is hard to read. He's more sharp edges and heavy handed lines. He feels more like S4 Justin ( ... )

futureadexec May 21 2005, 02:00:34 UTC

Ah, yes!! The scene I have been waiting for, the Justin/Ethan break up. It just never gets old. I think your portrayal of the break up is very realistic. On the show, they broke up because of so many different reasons, the cheating was really just the last straw. Without Ethan cheating, they probably would have stayed together much longer until something else big happened and in your story that happens to be Brian coming along.

I'm really looking forward to the next update. I can't wait to see what you do with the parental rights and straight Mikey. Update soon!