alone - TM response
She couldn’t stop herself from pacing, not daring to let her eyes wander over to where her pregnancy test waited for the results. It had taken her days before she convinced herself to go to the next town and get the pregnancy test - if she got it in Ferguson or anywhere close to there where people might know her then word would get around, and she wasn’t ready for that. She wasn’t even ready to check the results, how could she be ready for other people to know that she thought that she could be pregnant?
Her mind wandered as she bit the nail of her thumb, imagining just how things would be. Her mom would be disappointed and would probably disown her; Scott would want to bring Chris back from wherever he was stationed now so he could kick his ass, and her… Well, she’d be a mess for sure. At eighteen she was sure she couldn’t be a mother yet, and she surely couldn’t be a single mother.
‘What would Chris think,’ she idly wondered. ‘Would he be happy? Would he care?’
Before she knew it her hand made its way down to her belly where, if she really was pregnant, their child would be. She had imagined once being a mother, but in those fantasies Chris had been with her, not thousands of miles away and with no date of return. Closing her eyes she tried to keep away the tears that were threatening to spill.
“I need you,” she whispered, hoping that somehow that whisper would find its way over to Chris, somehow.
When she thought that she had her tears in check, she turned to the pregnancy test, knowing that the results should be showing by now, but it took her a few more minutes before she could will herself over to the test. With shaky hands she picked it up, and at the result she stared at it, a tornado of feelings inside of her tearing away any thought that she could formulate.
Suddenly a knock at the door made her jump and drop the pregnancy test on the floor. “Deni?” It was her mother, sounding concerned. “Honey, are you ok?”
Deni opened her mouth to answer, but at first she couldn’t; her voice gone. “Yeah,” she finally managed after a while, hoping that she could hide the quivering in her voice. “I’ll be right out, Mom.”
Deni waited until her mother’s footsteps were heard walking away before she could trust herself to sit down on the floor, next to where the test had fallen. She had read the box where it came in, so she knew how to read the result correctly: she wasn’t pregnant. She wasn’t pregnant, she wasn’t going to be a mother… There was no baby of her and Chris growing inside of her.
What she thought would be the news she wanted and wished for, though, didn’t seem to make her as happy and relieved as she had thought. Instead it had left her feel even emptier. There really was nothing else of Chris she could hold onto now… As she felt a sudden gust of cold wind come through the window, she wrapped her arms around her knees before lowering her head, trying to hide.
Maybe, if she hid like that, she wouldn’t feel so empty…
crossposted to theatrical_muse
Her mind wandered as she bit the nail of her thumb, imagining just how things would be. Her mom would be disappointed and would probably disown her; Scott would want to bring Chris back from wherever he was stationed now so he could kick his ass, and her… Well, she’d be a mess for sure. At eighteen she was sure she couldn’t be a mother yet, and she surely couldn’t be a single mother.
‘What would Chris think,’ she idly wondered. ‘Would he be happy? Would he care?’
Before she knew it her hand made its way down to her belly where, if she really was pregnant, their child would be. She had imagined once being a mother, but in those fantasies Chris had been with her, not thousands of miles away and with no date of return. Closing her eyes she tried to keep away the tears that were threatening to spill.
“I need you,” she whispered, hoping that somehow that whisper would find its way over to Chris, somehow.
When she thought that she had her tears in check, she turned to the pregnancy test, knowing that the results should be showing by now, but it took her a few more minutes before she could will herself over to the test. With shaky hands she picked it up, and at the result she stared at it, a tornado of feelings inside of her tearing away any thought that she could formulate.
Suddenly a knock at the door made her jump and drop the pregnancy test on the floor. “Deni?” It was her mother, sounding concerned. “Honey, are you ok?”
Deni opened her mouth to answer, but at first she couldn’t; her voice gone. “Yeah,” she finally managed after a while, hoping that she could hide the quivering in her voice. “I’ll be right out, Mom.”
Deni waited until her mother’s footsteps were heard walking away before she could trust herself to sit down on the floor, next to where the test had fallen. She had read the box where it came in, so she knew how to read the result correctly: she wasn’t pregnant. She wasn’t pregnant, she wasn’t going to be a mother… There was no baby of her and Chris growing inside of her.
What she thought would be the news she wanted and wished for, though, didn’t seem to make her as happy and relieved as she had thought. Instead it had left her feel even emptier. There really was nothing else of Chris she could hold onto now… As she felt a sudden gust of cold wind come through the window, she wrapped her arms around her knees before lowering her head, trying to hide.
Maybe, if she hid like that, she wouldn’t feel so empty…
crossposted to theatrical_muse