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I am an abuse survivor or
an abuse victim,
take your pick.
In the end it doesn’t matter because
every day feeds on the last and
spews out a shadow of my self
who trembles in horror.
She is afraid of everyone;
she knows sometimes kindness hurts the most.
Everyone walks away in the end,
every one. -
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Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Do not be afraid.
~ Frederick Buechner -
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I am running out of hope.
Money is elusive, fleeting,
Warmth is costly too.
I cannot resolve
for a better year for I can't
escape this moment.
I fill my timeline with others' words,
the safest way to tell my story.
Do not water this flower,
there is a crack in the pot
and all my leaves are dead. -
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The truth is you can be orphaned again and again and again.
The truth is you will be.
And the secret is, this will hurt less and less each time until you can't feel a thing.
~ Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor -
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Closeness is like trying to catch a fish. Swimming under water alone it looks so free. When you dive it to greet it you scare the fish off. It doesn't even stay to watch you drown ( Read more... ) -
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The more you struggle to live, the less you live. Give up the notion that you must be sure of what you are doing. Instead, surrender to what is real within you, for that alone is sure...you are above everything distressing.
~ Spinoza When I was a kid I had a stuffed bear named Spinoza. Even though I know that he was named after the philosopher, the ( Read more... ) -
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The unknownness of my needs frightens me. I do now know how huge they are, or how high they are, I only know that they are not being met. If you want to find out the circumference of an oil drop, you can use lycopodium powder. That’s what I’ll find. A tub of lycopodium powder, and I will sprinkle it on to my needs and find out how large they are. ( Read more... ) -
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I try to scrape out my heart ( Read more... ) -
i’m not going to make it.
How many of us think that when we wake? I am feeling it a lot these days but my family or commute to work are not affected since I have neither.There comes a certain point when you smile politely at the doctors and know that they can't help you.
(wow that's dark. i just mean doctors can't do everything we need them to. i need a miracle)
( I’m not going to make it by Bukowski ) -
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My hell, once enclosed
subdued by snowflakes in water,
burst through its dome that day,
and shattered shards soared into my skin.