(no subject)
Title: A Home for Us
Rating: PG
Word Count: 2055
A/N: Ah, so rusty. I can’t believe how out of practice I am. I think I’ve lost my touch! :sobs uncontrollably in the corner: HOWEVER! I shall continue to write Jaemin because I do so adore these boys… ^0^ This is completely unedited and there might be lots of tense jumping.
“Uh…”
“Umm…”
This is high school.
Jaejoong shifted uneasily from one foot to the other; the vibe coming off of the awkward giant standing before was making him nervous.
Well, the really cute, smart, and sexy awkward giant.
“Look…” Jaejoong pointed to the watch on his wrist, “I need to-“
“I like you, hyung!”
The tall boy shouted, his uneven eyes scrunched closed, his gray uniform jacket fisted in shaking hands, and his words echoed in the empty hall.
Jaejoong smiled.
“Now, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” the shorter of the two smiled before standing on tip toes to steal a kiss.
The first snow is falling and you can feel the distance between you and him grow even bigger.
You began to make excuses for his coldness; it was the formal research paper that he had to write for his physics class, it was the death(s) of his pet goldfish, it was the natural depression of the fall, it was the winter finals… It was anything but the stifling silence that seemed to infest the air around the both of you.
His shoulders are slumped as you walk quietly behind him.
There was a time when he carried his shoulders like a straight, horizontal plane.
There was a time when he walked with his full height to playfully taunt those shorter than he was, especially you.
There was a time when both of you carefully entwined your hands together and walk through the throngs of people on the Seoul streets’ sidewalks, as if harboring a long cherished secret.
“Changmin-ah!” you swing past him and try to smile, grabbing the strap of his messenger bag that was heavy with books on equations and calculations that you will never understand, “I’ll carry this for you!”
He grabs the bag back.
He walks past you, “Let’s just go, okay?”
You nod but your feet plant you right there, motionless to the burgeoning crowd that threatens to sweep you away.
The light outside the apartment glows and you shuffle your feet.
“Good night,” he says and you grab his wrist. He winces.
“Uh…”
“Umm…”
You worry your lower lip with your teeth and he watches you. He tugs at the strap of his bag and his shoulders slump even more.
“I’m tired. I’ll see you tomorrow,” he says, more like air passing through his lips. You shake your head and insistently tug at his sleeve. He winces again.
“Changmin-ah…” you try and try but the words just won’t…
“Jaejoong-hyung, I’m really tired. I need to go…”
“Do you love me, Changmin-ah?”
His large, uneven eyes blink at you. The arm you’ve been holding grows limp and his expression goes slack.
The silence between you inflates like a balloon, crushing your chest and blocking the supply of oxygen to your lungs. You watch him carefully and you become confused as he adjusts his arm so that your grip on his jacket isn’t as tight.
Grimacing, he sighs, “Of course I do.”
You let go, “Kiss me then.”
There’s something laborious about the way he makes his way up the one step and his lips on your cheek are cold.
You shiver.
He walks away without turning around, “Good night.”
“Have you ever considered the fact that he really is just tired?”
You burrow your face into the huge teddy plushie that Changmin won for you at one of those college summer festivals and shake your head.
Yunho rolls his eyes, “Drama queen…” You snap and throw the plushie at your roommate.
“I’m not a drama queen!!!” you shout and the lump that is your other roommate shakes the bean bag couch and angrily throws the covers from his head.
“I hate you ALL!!! Can’t a guy get some SLEEP around here?!?!” Junsu whines, annoyance evident in his tone. Yoochun saunters in with a pot of steaming whatever and sits right in between you and Yunho. Every viable space of the tiny living room is now completely and fully occupied by these four men.
Yoochun slurps up something unidentifiable, “Then why aren’t you sleeping inside the bedroom?”
“Because someone left all of their compositional pieces on the only two beds that we have!!!” Junsu snaps as he glares at the feasting man before him. Yoochun looks anywhere but at Junsu and you sigh as Yunho hands back your abused plushie.
“He does get a little testy when he’s tired…” you mutter softly.
Yunho reasons, “He’s a freshman in college, vying to be a structural engineer while we’re just music majors, barely passing our classes and besides…”
“Hey.”
Yoochun’s deep voice stops Yunho.
You stare at the man before you as he pats his full stomach. Yoochun then belches and, as a result, gets hit in the face with a pillow by Junsu.
“You guys have been dating since he was a freshman in high school, right? That’s like three years… Isn’t that enough time… for any man to get… bored of a relationship?” Yoochun twirled a chopstick around between his index and middle.
You stare into the plushie’s eyes. Junsu stares at you. Yunho stares at Yoochun.
“That has to be the most depressing thing you’ve ever said,” Yunho whispers.
“Yeah…” you sink back into the plushie even more.
“And the stupidest. Shut up!” Junsu kicks Yoochun right in the middle of the chest.
You know you’re draped over his back because you can smell his cologne. Apparently, Junsu thought it was a good idea to get totally trashed before the mid-semester exams. And apparently, you heartily agreed.
So here you are: piggybacked on your boyfriend’s back, drawing stares from anyone and everybody.
“Changmin…”
He grunts back and you rub your face into the soft feel of his cotton shirt.
“You’re so warm,” you mumble, “I missed you.”
“I saw you this afternoon,” he replies shortly.
You shake your head, “No… No, Changmin.” He doesn’t answer you and continues to walk. You close your eyes and before you know it, you’re in front of the apartment you’ve been sharing with your three roommates for the past two years.
“Changmin,” you whisper, “Put me down.”
He pauses in his step, “I’ll take you up there.” You shake your head and push against his back.
“I want down,” you whine and he is helpless against you, placing you down carefully on the stone step. You whirl around and throw your arms about him. You can feel his body freeze against yours, as if guarding against a sudden uncomfortable invasion.
“I want you,” you whisper in his ear and his hands are on your hips, pulling you away from him. You look at his neck rather than his eyes because you don’t want to see disgust. Or worse: indifference.
“Please, stay over tonight… We can be quiet… Just… be with me.”
“I… I can’t…” his voice sounds far away, like a hidden city in the middle of the desert. The distance makes you want to cry.
You grab the front of his shirt and try to kiss him, try to feel him. Your lips meet the corner of his mouth when he manages to twist out of your grasp.
“Hyung!” he grabs you by the shoulders, “Stop!”
You tear out of his grip and scream.
Maybe…
Just maybe…
Maybe Yoochun is right.
Is Changmin bored? You have been together for almost three… God, it’s getting close to four years… That would drive any man insane.
Staring into the same plain eyes… Holding the same sweaty hand… Kissing the same dry lips… Hugging the same used body…
Boring…
Yeah.
That is it.
The result is that Changmin doesn’t love you any- No. The result is that it has come to the point that you love him more than he loves you. You, too much and him, too little.
He’s tired of you when there’s so much more that you want to give him…
“Why don’t you love me anymore?!” you want to scream but Yunho’s strong hands and Yoochun’s soothing hands and words have already gotten to you, dragging you back into that smaller than a bird’s nest apartment and further away from Changmin’s blurred form.
You don’t stop crying until the sun comes up and no one complains about the sound.
You bite your fingernails, a habit you thought you broke but in reality, you weren’t even close.
“They say he’ll be okay but the cast might have to stay on for longer than usual,” Junsu pets your hair as you wear your index finger’s nail down to the pink skin.
“Here’s his bag,” Yunho hands you the tattered brown leather and you grasp at it like a mad man, hugging it close to your chest.
It still smells like him.
The nurse walks up to you and says slowly, “You can go in and see him now.” You leap out of your seat, pushing past the startled nurse and into the room.
A brilliant purple bruise blooms on the right side of his face. The stark white cast fits snugly on his forearm and his hair is sticking up like a lion’s mane.
“What did you do?” you ask. He doesn’t lift his head and plays with the loose strands of the blanket covering his knees.
“I was delivering stuff…” he carefully answers. You throw his bag down onto the floor, barely resisting the urge to stomp your feet.
You demand, “What? What were you delivering?” He stays still and you walk over to rip the blanket away, forcing his attention towards you.
“It’s just a little side job…” he begins but the tears running down your face makes listening to him attentively hard. You crumble into the chair beside his bed.
“Why are you taking little side jobs? Especially little side jobs delivering midnight meals in the shadiest part of Seoul? Why didn’t you tell me about the early morning newspaper deliveries? The table bussing? The high school kids you’re tutoring on your day off? The janitor job after classes? The construction sites? What are you doing?” you sob into your hands, shoulders shaking violently.
He whispers, “Who told you all that?”
“Kyuhyun!” you grind out. He sighs and rubs his face. You don’t notice the piece of paper that he grabs from the bed stand beside him.
“Here,” he says, “It’s for you.” You sniffle and wipe the tears away from your eyes, hands trembling as you held the paper.
“This…” you read, “This is a receipt for a deposit… on an apartment…” You look up at him, brow furrowed. He looks at you and you think it’s so tragic, the side of his nose all bruised up like that.
He stammers, “I wanted to buy you a house but at the rate I was going, that wasn’t going to happen any time soon… So I figured a one bedroom apartment was going to be okay for now.”
You stare at him.
“What?”
He reaches cumbersomely for your hands. The paper crinkles from the pressure.
“When I open my eyes in the morning, I want to open them to see your face, your body cushioned by our mattress, underneath our covers. I want to watch you make breakfast in our kitchen and bustle around our living room because you’re running late. And when we come home after classes, I want to hold you and watch the sun set from our balcony. I was… I was just chasing your dream, hyung,” Changmin mutters, a sweet blush rising on his face, “I know… I know it’s not nearly close to what you deserve or envisioned but…”
You lunge and embrace him so tightly that you could melt into him, become one.
The cast is heavy on your back and tears are blinding you.
“So…” he murmurs into your hair, “How about living together?”
You nod furiously and chuckle through the tears, “If you’ll have me.”
“Someday, I want a house,” Jaejoong smiled wistfully. Changmin leaned into his warmth and traced patterns on Jaejoong’s forearm. Their uniforms were haphazardly thrown on Changmin's bedroom floor.
“And then…?” Changmin whispered against the bare skin of Jaejoong’s shoulder.
Jaejoong laughed, “Then we’ll live happily ever after, dummy!”
Changmin paused, his fingers stopping.
“I guess we'll have to work really hard then, hyung,” the younger kissed the juncture of skin that joined Jaejoong’s shoulder and neck.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 2055
A/N: Ah, so rusty. I can’t believe how out of practice I am. I think I’ve lost my touch! :sobs uncontrollably in the corner: HOWEVER! I shall continue to write Jaemin because I do so adore these boys… ^0^ This is completely unedited and there might be lots of tense jumping.
“Uh…”
“Umm…”
This is high school.
Jaejoong shifted uneasily from one foot to the other; the vibe coming off of the awkward giant standing before was making him nervous.
Well, the really cute, smart, and sexy awkward giant.
“Look…” Jaejoong pointed to the watch on his wrist, “I need to-“
“I like you, hyung!”
The tall boy shouted, his uneven eyes scrunched closed, his gray uniform jacket fisted in shaking hands, and his words echoed in the empty hall.
Jaejoong smiled.
“Now, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” the shorter of the two smiled before standing on tip toes to steal a kiss.
The first snow is falling and you can feel the distance between you and him grow even bigger.
You began to make excuses for his coldness; it was the formal research paper that he had to write for his physics class, it was the death(s) of his pet goldfish, it was the natural depression of the fall, it was the winter finals… It was anything but the stifling silence that seemed to infest the air around the both of you.
His shoulders are slumped as you walk quietly behind him.
There was a time when he carried his shoulders like a straight, horizontal plane.
There was a time when he walked with his full height to playfully taunt those shorter than he was, especially you.
There was a time when both of you carefully entwined your hands together and walk through the throngs of people on the Seoul streets’ sidewalks, as if harboring a long cherished secret.
“Changmin-ah!” you swing past him and try to smile, grabbing the strap of his messenger bag that was heavy with books on equations and calculations that you will never understand, “I’ll carry this for you!”
He grabs the bag back.
He walks past you, “Let’s just go, okay?”
You nod but your feet plant you right there, motionless to the burgeoning crowd that threatens to sweep you away.
The light outside the apartment glows and you shuffle your feet.
“Good night,” he says and you grab his wrist. He winces.
“Uh…”
“Umm…”
You worry your lower lip with your teeth and he watches you. He tugs at the strap of his bag and his shoulders slump even more.
“I’m tired. I’ll see you tomorrow,” he says, more like air passing through his lips. You shake your head and insistently tug at his sleeve. He winces again.
“Changmin-ah…” you try and try but the words just won’t…
“Jaejoong-hyung, I’m really tired. I need to go…”
“Do you love me, Changmin-ah?”
His large, uneven eyes blink at you. The arm you’ve been holding grows limp and his expression goes slack.
The silence between you inflates like a balloon, crushing your chest and blocking the supply of oxygen to your lungs. You watch him carefully and you become confused as he adjusts his arm so that your grip on his jacket isn’t as tight.
Grimacing, he sighs, “Of course I do.”
You let go, “Kiss me then.”
There’s something laborious about the way he makes his way up the one step and his lips on your cheek are cold.
You shiver.
He walks away without turning around, “Good night.”
“Have you ever considered the fact that he really is just tired?”
You burrow your face into the huge teddy plushie that Changmin won for you at one of those college summer festivals and shake your head.
Yunho rolls his eyes, “Drama queen…” You snap and throw the plushie at your roommate.
“I’m not a drama queen!!!” you shout and the lump that is your other roommate shakes the bean bag couch and angrily throws the covers from his head.
“I hate you ALL!!! Can’t a guy get some SLEEP around here?!?!” Junsu whines, annoyance evident in his tone. Yoochun saunters in with a pot of steaming whatever and sits right in between you and Yunho. Every viable space of the tiny living room is now completely and fully occupied by these four men.
Yoochun slurps up something unidentifiable, “Then why aren’t you sleeping inside the bedroom?”
“Because someone left all of their compositional pieces on the only two beds that we have!!!” Junsu snaps as he glares at the feasting man before him. Yoochun looks anywhere but at Junsu and you sigh as Yunho hands back your abused plushie.
“He does get a little testy when he’s tired…” you mutter softly.
Yunho reasons, “He’s a freshman in college, vying to be a structural engineer while we’re just music majors, barely passing our classes and besides…”
“Hey.”
Yoochun’s deep voice stops Yunho.
You stare at the man before you as he pats his full stomach. Yoochun then belches and, as a result, gets hit in the face with a pillow by Junsu.
“You guys have been dating since he was a freshman in high school, right? That’s like three years… Isn’t that enough time… for any man to get… bored of a relationship?” Yoochun twirled a chopstick around between his index and middle.
You stare into the plushie’s eyes. Junsu stares at you. Yunho stares at Yoochun.
“That has to be the most depressing thing you’ve ever said,” Yunho whispers.
“Yeah…” you sink back into the plushie even more.
“And the stupidest. Shut up!” Junsu kicks Yoochun right in the middle of the chest.
You know you’re draped over his back because you can smell his cologne. Apparently, Junsu thought it was a good idea to get totally trashed before the mid-semester exams. And apparently, you heartily agreed.
So here you are: piggybacked on your boyfriend’s back, drawing stares from anyone and everybody.
“Changmin…”
He grunts back and you rub your face into the soft feel of his cotton shirt.
“You’re so warm,” you mumble, “I missed you.”
“I saw you this afternoon,” he replies shortly.
You shake your head, “No… No, Changmin.” He doesn’t answer you and continues to walk. You close your eyes and before you know it, you’re in front of the apartment you’ve been sharing with your three roommates for the past two years.
“Changmin,” you whisper, “Put me down.”
He pauses in his step, “I’ll take you up there.” You shake your head and push against his back.
“I want down,” you whine and he is helpless against you, placing you down carefully on the stone step. You whirl around and throw your arms about him. You can feel his body freeze against yours, as if guarding against a sudden uncomfortable invasion.
“I want you,” you whisper in his ear and his hands are on your hips, pulling you away from him. You look at his neck rather than his eyes because you don’t want to see disgust. Or worse: indifference.
“Please, stay over tonight… We can be quiet… Just… be with me.”
“I… I can’t…” his voice sounds far away, like a hidden city in the middle of the desert. The distance makes you want to cry.
You grab the front of his shirt and try to kiss him, try to feel him. Your lips meet the corner of his mouth when he manages to twist out of your grasp.
“Hyung!” he grabs you by the shoulders, “Stop!”
You tear out of his grip and scream.
Maybe…
Just maybe…
Maybe Yoochun is right.
Is Changmin bored? You have been together for almost three… God, it’s getting close to four years… That would drive any man insane.
Staring into the same plain eyes… Holding the same sweaty hand… Kissing the same dry lips… Hugging the same used body…
Boring…
Yeah.
That is it.
The result is that Changmin doesn’t love you any- No. The result is that it has come to the point that you love him more than he loves you. You, too much and him, too little.
He’s tired of you when there’s so much more that you want to give him…
“Why don’t you love me anymore?!” you want to scream but Yunho’s strong hands and Yoochun’s soothing hands and words have already gotten to you, dragging you back into that smaller than a bird’s nest apartment and further away from Changmin’s blurred form.
You don’t stop crying until the sun comes up and no one complains about the sound.
You bite your fingernails, a habit you thought you broke but in reality, you weren’t even close.
“They say he’ll be okay but the cast might have to stay on for longer than usual,” Junsu pets your hair as you wear your index finger’s nail down to the pink skin.
“Here’s his bag,” Yunho hands you the tattered brown leather and you grasp at it like a mad man, hugging it close to your chest.
It still smells like him.
The nurse walks up to you and says slowly, “You can go in and see him now.” You leap out of your seat, pushing past the startled nurse and into the room.
A brilliant purple bruise blooms on the right side of his face. The stark white cast fits snugly on his forearm and his hair is sticking up like a lion’s mane.
“What did you do?” you ask. He doesn’t lift his head and plays with the loose strands of the blanket covering his knees.
“I was delivering stuff…” he carefully answers. You throw his bag down onto the floor, barely resisting the urge to stomp your feet.
You demand, “What? What were you delivering?” He stays still and you walk over to rip the blanket away, forcing his attention towards you.
“It’s just a little side job…” he begins but the tears running down your face makes listening to him attentively hard. You crumble into the chair beside his bed.
“Why are you taking little side jobs? Especially little side jobs delivering midnight meals in the shadiest part of Seoul? Why didn’t you tell me about the early morning newspaper deliveries? The table bussing? The high school kids you’re tutoring on your day off? The janitor job after classes? The construction sites? What are you doing?” you sob into your hands, shoulders shaking violently.
He whispers, “Who told you all that?”
“Kyuhyun!” you grind out. He sighs and rubs his face. You don’t notice the piece of paper that he grabs from the bed stand beside him.
“Here,” he says, “It’s for you.” You sniffle and wipe the tears away from your eyes, hands trembling as you held the paper.
“This…” you read, “This is a receipt for a deposit… on an apartment…” You look up at him, brow furrowed. He looks at you and you think it’s so tragic, the side of his nose all bruised up like that.
He stammers, “I wanted to buy you a house but at the rate I was going, that wasn’t going to happen any time soon… So I figured a one bedroom apartment was going to be okay for now.”
You stare at him.
“What?”
He reaches cumbersomely for your hands. The paper crinkles from the pressure.
“When I open my eyes in the morning, I want to open them to see your face, your body cushioned by our mattress, underneath our covers. I want to watch you make breakfast in our kitchen and bustle around our living room because you’re running late. And when we come home after classes, I want to hold you and watch the sun set from our balcony. I was… I was just chasing your dream, hyung,” Changmin mutters, a sweet blush rising on his face, “I know… I know it’s not nearly close to what you deserve or envisioned but…”
You lunge and embrace him so tightly that you could melt into him, become one.
The cast is heavy on your back and tears are blinding you.
“So…” he murmurs into your hair, “How about living together?”
You nod furiously and chuckle through the tears, “If you’ll have me.”
“Someday, I want a house,” Jaejoong smiled wistfully. Changmin leaned into his warmth and traced patterns on Jaejoong’s forearm. Their uniforms were haphazardly thrown on Changmin's bedroom floor.
“And then…?” Changmin whispered against the bare skin of Jaejoong’s shoulder.
Jaejoong laughed, “Then we’ll live happily ever after, dummy!”
Changmin paused, his fingers stopping.
“I guess we'll have to work really hard then, hyung,” the younger kissed the juncture of skin that joined Jaejoong’s shoulder and neck.