and thought if water won't quench my longing, i don't have of a clue of what would. filling my arms with water bottles, and as I dropped them on the floor I thought, "If this can't satisfy the word enough, I really can't think of what will." please pour the answer down my throat, warm or cold, I don't care brilliant. and i'm in love with the last line. nice job.
a little bit yeah, but it wasn't horrible so i wasn't going to say much. it picks up right around the part that i love. it's like you had two different ways of writing so the first part of the stanza "didn't match" the rest, you know?
but actually, it makes more sense reading it over again right now.
yeah thats exactly what i though. i think i just need to either wait on some more feedback or something before i can revise it and be happy enough with it to write in my boooooook. thanks!
Comments 5
filling my arms with water bottles, and as I dropped them on the floor I thought,
"If this can't satisfy the word enough, I really can't think of what will."
please pour the answer down my throat,
warm or cold, I don't care
brilliant.
and i'm in love with the last line.
nice job.
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i feel like the first chunk of the first stanza is a little bit awkward. do you see that at all?
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but actually, it makes more sense reading it over again right now.
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thanks!
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