An observation...feel free to disagree
This is one of those things that I really should keep to myself, but I think it needs to be said.
Since my graduating class started college in the fall, I've noticed that most people have gone through some very obvious changes. It's natural, right? I mean, changing your environment and your entire LIFESTYLE implies that you yourself will change accordingly. However. The most alarming change of all is the weight gain phenomenon. We've all heard of the dreaded Freshman 15, but in some people's cases, it's the fucking Freshman 389,290,810,000. This goes for everyone, not just folks at Maryland. Any time I reunite with kids I knew in high school, I CANNOT help but notice a pretty dramatic difference in their appearance. And please, before you start citing your school's abysmal dining hall food as your defense: this isn't just because you're eating substandard buffalo chicken for dinner every night. Nor is it because you're stressed out or homesick or constipated or whatever. It's because you DRINK EVERY NIGHT OF THE WEEK.
I'm not trying to point any fingers. But the fact is that people who start to drink on a regular basis once they hit college GAIN A SHITLOAD OF WEIGHT. Especially you, girls. Maybe it's because it's just more noticeable in female teenagers than in males (what with skin-tight clothes and whatnot), or maybe it's because females have a tendency to store fat. Whatever the reason, ladies, stop getting drunk every night because you are developing a BEER GUT. In an environment where the pressure to be attractive is so intense, I am shocked that freshman girls are so remiss about this aspect of their appearance. Sure, I hear about girls going to the gym every night of the week, but honey, it sure as hell doesn't help that you head out to the bars right after.
Maybe I'm just being smug because I choose not to drink. I may put away more frappuccinos than the average person, but you don't see me with a beer gut. And this is coming from a person who is NOT AT ALL inclined to judge people based on their appearance. Yes, I'm observant and sometimes a little too honest, but I pride myself on being virtually unconcerned with what other people look like. All I'm trying to do is point out a simple truth: drinking makes y'all fat.
I told my sister all this and she reminded me that, once sophomore year rolls around, people realize that they look like the State Puff Marshmallow Man and start seriously working out to combat the effects. I can think of a better solution: stop drinking so fucking much. Is it really that important? Do you really need to be drunk to have a good time, or to be amusing and entertaining enough to ensure that the people around you have a good time? Is it worth the bad decisions, humiliation, risk of injury to yourself/others, and the eventual excess body fat?
You might not care about any of the other stuff I just listed, but let me be honest. If you started drinking excessively this past year, chances are I've noticed that you're fat and I'm judging you for it. Not making fun of you. But passing judgment on your bad decisions and inability to exercise self-control.
I recognize that this comes off as harsh, sanctimonious, and rather bitchy. You have as much right to disregard it as I have the right to point it out.
Since my graduating class started college in the fall, I've noticed that most people have gone through some very obvious changes. It's natural, right? I mean, changing your environment and your entire LIFESTYLE implies that you yourself will change accordingly. However. The most alarming change of all is the weight gain phenomenon. We've all heard of the dreaded Freshman 15, but in some people's cases, it's the fucking Freshman 389,290,810,000. This goes for everyone, not just folks at Maryland. Any time I reunite with kids I knew in high school, I CANNOT help but notice a pretty dramatic difference in their appearance. And please, before you start citing your school's abysmal dining hall food as your defense: this isn't just because you're eating substandard buffalo chicken for dinner every night. Nor is it because you're stressed out or homesick or constipated or whatever. It's because you DRINK EVERY NIGHT OF THE WEEK.
I'm not trying to point any fingers. But the fact is that people who start to drink on a regular basis once they hit college GAIN A SHITLOAD OF WEIGHT. Especially you, girls. Maybe it's because it's just more noticeable in female teenagers than in males (what with skin-tight clothes and whatnot), or maybe it's because females have a tendency to store fat. Whatever the reason, ladies, stop getting drunk every night because you are developing a BEER GUT. In an environment where the pressure to be attractive is so intense, I am shocked that freshman girls are so remiss about this aspect of their appearance. Sure, I hear about girls going to the gym every night of the week, but honey, it sure as hell doesn't help that you head out to the bars right after.
Maybe I'm just being smug because I choose not to drink. I may put away more frappuccinos than the average person, but you don't see me with a beer gut. And this is coming from a person who is NOT AT ALL inclined to judge people based on their appearance. Yes, I'm observant and sometimes a little too honest, but I pride myself on being virtually unconcerned with what other people look like. All I'm trying to do is point out a simple truth: drinking makes y'all fat.
I told my sister all this and she reminded me that, once sophomore year rolls around, people realize that they look like the State Puff Marshmallow Man and start seriously working out to combat the effects. I can think of a better solution: stop drinking so fucking much. Is it really that important? Do you really need to be drunk to have a good time, or to be amusing and entertaining enough to ensure that the people around you have a good time? Is it worth the bad decisions, humiliation, risk of injury to yourself/others, and the eventual excess body fat?
You might not care about any of the other stuff I just listed, but let me be honest. If you started drinking excessively this past year, chances are I've noticed that you're fat and I'm judging you for it. Not making fun of you. But passing judgment on your bad decisions and inability to exercise self-control.
I recognize that this comes off as harsh, sanctimonious, and rather bitchy. You have as much right to disregard it as I have the right to point it out.