Everybody's doing it
I suppose that the normal thing to do at the start of a new year is to make a resolution. Unfortunately, I am so in need of resolve that I must make an entire list of resolutions.
1. Slay Paris Hilton. To accomplish this, I would either strike her with my vehicle or catapult her, from a great distance, at Ann Coulter, thereby granting a tremendous boon to civilization by eliminating both fiends.
2. Avoid prosecution and incarceration for the slaughter of Paris Hilton.
3. Learn to transform into the Incredible Hulk. I believe that this is a useful skill, especially when sitting in morning traffic en route to a busy urban area. One can use one's Hulk Powers to simply shift the obstructing vehicles out of one's path. Also, Hulk powers can be used to threaten timid teaching assistants when one's grade is on the borderline.
4. Resurrect Beethoven. Classical music has suffered since Ludwig's death. And really, if Voldemort was able to resurrect himself, how hard could it be?
5. Speak like an English pirate full-time.
1. Slay Paris Hilton. To accomplish this, I would either strike her with my vehicle or catapult her, from a great distance, at Ann Coulter, thereby granting a tremendous boon to civilization by eliminating both fiends.
2. Avoid prosecution and incarceration for the slaughter of Paris Hilton.
3. Learn to transform into the Incredible Hulk. I believe that this is a useful skill, especially when sitting in morning traffic en route to a busy urban area. One can use one's Hulk Powers to simply shift the obstructing vehicles out of one's path. Also, Hulk powers can be used to threaten timid teaching assistants when one's grade is on the borderline.
4. Resurrect Beethoven. Classical music has suffered since Ludwig's death. And really, if Voldemort was able to resurrect himself, how hard could it be?
5. Speak like an English pirate full-time.