(Untitled)

[_thepacificage]

they say it's honky dory

Comments

[tactheantidog]

this is good, and i have only one suggestion: either go with abab, or with abcb, but choose one. abab is tough with lines as short as this, so i think maybe abcb is better.
nice poem. kudos.

[_thepacificage]

i thought i did have it abab, i guess i ovelooked some of it.

[_thepacificage]

i see now; i meant to say:
to not give them our heads to chop
and
all thier morals they forget.

[tactheantidog]

well you should!

[tactheantidog]

that should read, "they persist with it still" or "they pursue it still". "they persist it still" makes no grammatical sense.

[_thepacificage]

thanks.

[anonymous]

Good poem! You take one idea and expand on it, without meandering away the way many young poets do. Your rhymes are clever, but adhere to the meaning well and serve the meaning, rather than have the meaning bend to serve the clever rhyme. Good work!