Jaded
This is just the begining of a story I wrote almost 2 years ago, but never finished. I swear I'm going to find the time to work on this.
Jaded : Part I
He stood there looking at me like he expected me to say something. I, of course, couldn’t get over the initial shock of him even standing there. It had been a month since I’d talked to him, so maybe there was something good that could come out of this. Besides, I was getting tired of standing at the door staring like an idiot. I invite him in, a little leery of the motive behind this visit. I offer to hang up his coat, which he anxiously handed to me. I was surprised to find him wearing his usual jeans and thin white T-shirt considering that it was in the low 70’s and it was raining very hard outside. If he was heading over here, he could have at least worn the Abercrombie and Fitch long sleeve shirt I bought him for Christmas. Just looking at him made me feel cold, so I invited him into the living room to dry off a little. We walked down the long hallway to the living room.
Now, let me tell you this, the living room isn’t the only room that has a fireplace, all the bedrooms have one. But, the last time we were in my bedroom, we did a lot more than talk. So, when it comes to really talking, the living room is your best bet.
"So, what were you doing out in the rain at this time of night anyway?" It was the question I’ve wanted to ask since he got here, "I mean, you must have a death wish or something. It’s raining, thundering, and lightning, you’re dressed like it’s a beach day, and you were on a motorcycle. Was it that important that you get here?" I finished as I finished putting the CD in the stereo system. Soon the haunting sounds of Jewel’s "Foolish Games" filled the room.
***********
"You took your coat off, and stood in the rain.
You were always crazy like that."
************
"At least give me some credit," He looked me in my eyes like he was trying to get a point across "It wasn’t raining when I left. I’m not as dumb as you think. And if you happen to remember, I don’t have a car, If I didn’t ride my motorcycle how else was I going to get here?" He added, "And yes, it was important that I get here." He sat down in the chair closest to the fireplace.
"Oh okay." I said, a little surprised at the seriousness in his voice. "Can I get you some coffee?" I asked.
"Yes. Thank you" He said staring at the fire.
"You still like it the same way? Black?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, be back soon." I said while making my exit to the kitchen. I was now intrigued by what it was that he needed to talk to me about.
************
"And I watched from my window,
Always felt I was outside looking in on you."
************
I loaded up the coffee maker and sat at the table. I looked at the book I was reading before he arrived and thought, "Looks like I’ll have to get to you tomorrow, because it seems like it’s going to be along night." Soon the smell of fresh coffee filled the room, and the coffee machine buzzed to let me know it was ready to be poured. I poured to tall mugs with coffee and added some sugar and creamer to mine.
I walked back down the hallway, trying my best not to spill hot coffee on myself. I peeked in the door expecting to see him still sitting in the chair, but now he was sitting on the floor facing the fireplace. He had that far-away look I was so familiar with. I don’t know if it was the lightning or the orange glow from the fire, but he seemed even more beautiful than the day I met him. It was only then that I realized how much I missed his face. I remembered waking up some mornings, and just looking at him while he slept. His short light brown hair would be all disheveled and going every-which-way, but it only made him more appealing to me. I loved how his light brown eyes would sparkle and glitter whenever he was in a playful mood, but sometimes, like now, they would have a mixture of seriousness and sadness behind them that you just couldn’t put your finger on, but you knew it was there. I wonder what he’s thinking right now. I guess I shall soon find out.
************
"You were always the mysterious one.
With dark eyes and careless hair.
You were fashionably sensitive,
But too cool to care."
************
I made my presence know with a short "Ahem". He finally turned to face me, and gave me a small smile as I handed him his coffee. I was going to sit on the couch, but decided to take a seat on the floor next to him, close enough but not too close. We sat for a few moments sipping the coffee, which was hotter than I expected and I almost burnt my tongue. An awkward silence hung over the room. The only sounds were the slurps of coffee, the rain on the roof, and the sounds of thunder and lightning.
************
"You stood in my doorway with nothing to say,
Besides some comment on the weather."
************
I decided to break the silence, "So, was there something you needed to talk to me about?" I asked.
"Well," he started obviously getting nervous "I came over to let you know that I’m going to be" He finished the sentence in an almost hushed whisper " moving back to Chicago next week." He looked at me expectantly.
I was shocked; I didn’t know what to say. I may have hated him but that didn’t mean I wanted him to go away. All I could muster was a weak "Oh." I continued to stare at my coffee as if expecting it to swallow me up. "When did you find out?" I asked after a while.
He was still looking at the fire when he answered "Oh, I’ve known about it for a few months. I just didn’t want it to be true. I figured if I didn’t think about it, it would just never happen." He added much quieter "And if I didn’t think about you, It wouldn’t hurt so bad when I left." With that he put his head down.
"What is that supposed mean." I asked a little above a whisper. I heard what he said, but it didn’t register what it meant.
Still not looking away from the fire, he said softly "You remember last month when you tried to call me and I was never home, or when stopped coming over? Didn’t you wonder why things started to change? Why do you think I broke up with you? We never had fights or anything like that. We were perfect together. I didn’t want to break up with you, but I had to. It was the only way that both of us wouldn’t get hurt."
I didn’t know what to say, this was just too much to take. First he tells me that he’s moving back to Chicago, and now after a whole month he tells me that he has to break up with me so I wouldn’t get hurt. What am I supposed to say to that?
************
"Well, in case you fail to notice,
In case you fail to see.
This is my heart, beating before you
This is me down on my knees.
These foolish games
Are tearing me apart.
And you’re thoughtless words
Are breaking my heart.
You’re breaking my heart."
************
This time the silence was pregnant, very pregnant. This time both of us were staring at the fire. The mood was very contemplative. I was still thinking about what he had said. It was all making since now, why he cut off all communication with me, why he was avoiding me. I was actually kind of happy, but I was pissed to.
"You know you could have just told me what was going on. I was so hurt. I just sat at home all the time wondering what was wrong with me." I said finally turning to face him. "Why did you have to be such a jerk!" I punched him in the arm to emphasize my point.
" Well, I thought I was doing the right thing… but I just felt so bad. Sometimes at night I would stop in front of your house and sit there, I wanted to tell you but I chickened out, I guess." He said, now looking at me.
"So why did you decide to come now?" I asked, really wanting to know the answer.
"Because I wanted to ask you something important." he replied.
End of Part One
Jaded : Part I
He stood there looking at me like he expected me to say something. I, of course, couldn’t get over the initial shock of him even standing there. It had been a month since I’d talked to him, so maybe there was something good that could come out of this. Besides, I was getting tired of standing at the door staring like an idiot. I invite him in, a little leery of the motive behind this visit. I offer to hang up his coat, which he anxiously handed to me. I was surprised to find him wearing his usual jeans and thin white T-shirt considering that it was in the low 70’s and it was raining very hard outside. If he was heading over here, he could have at least worn the Abercrombie and Fitch long sleeve shirt I bought him for Christmas. Just looking at him made me feel cold, so I invited him into the living room to dry off a little. We walked down the long hallway to the living room.
Now, let me tell you this, the living room isn’t the only room that has a fireplace, all the bedrooms have one. But, the last time we were in my bedroom, we did a lot more than talk. So, when it comes to really talking, the living room is your best bet.
"So, what were you doing out in the rain at this time of night anyway?" It was the question I’ve wanted to ask since he got here, "I mean, you must have a death wish or something. It’s raining, thundering, and lightning, you’re dressed like it’s a beach day, and you were on a motorcycle. Was it that important that you get here?" I finished as I finished putting the CD in the stereo system. Soon the haunting sounds of Jewel’s "Foolish Games" filled the room.
***********
"You took your coat off, and stood in the rain.
You were always crazy like that."
************
"At least give me some credit," He looked me in my eyes like he was trying to get a point across "It wasn’t raining when I left. I’m not as dumb as you think. And if you happen to remember, I don’t have a car, If I didn’t ride my motorcycle how else was I going to get here?" He added, "And yes, it was important that I get here." He sat down in the chair closest to the fireplace.
"Oh okay." I said, a little surprised at the seriousness in his voice. "Can I get you some coffee?" I asked.
"Yes. Thank you" He said staring at the fire.
"You still like it the same way? Black?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, be back soon." I said while making my exit to the kitchen. I was now intrigued by what it was that he needed to talk to me about.
************
"And I watched from my window,
Always felt I was outside looking in on you."
************
I loaded up the coffee maker and sat at the table. I looked at the book I was reading before he arrived and thought, "Looks like I’ll have to get to you tomorrow, because it seems like it’s going to be along night." Soon the smell of fresh coffee filled the room, and the coffee machine buzzed to let me know it was ready to be poured. I poured to tall mugs with coffee and added some sugar and creamer to mine.
I walked back down the hallway, trying my best not to spill hot coffee on myself. I peeked in the door expecting to see him still sitting in the chair, but now he was sitting on the floor facing the fireplace. He had that far-away look I was so familiar with. I don’t know if it was the lightning or the orange glow from the fire, but he seemed even more beautiful than the day I met him. It was only then that I realized how much I missed his face. I remembered waking up some mornings, and just looking at him while he slept. His short light brown hair would be all disheveled and going every-which-way, but it only made him more appealing to me. I loved how his light brown eyes would sparkle and glitter whenever he was in a playful mood, but sometimes, like now, they would have a mixture of seriousness and sadness behind them that you just couldn’t put your finger on, but you knew it was there. I wonder what he’s thinking right now. I guess I shall soon find out.
************
"You were always the mysterious one.
With dark eyes and careless hair.
You were fashionably sensitive,
But too cool to care."
************
I made my presence know with a short "Ahem". He finally turned to face me, and gave me a small smile as I handed him his coffee. I was going to sit on the couch, but decided to take a seat on the floor next to him, close enough but not too close. We sat for a few moments sipping the coffee, which was hotter than I expected and I almost burnt my tongue. An awkward silence hung over the room. The only sounds were the slurps of coffee, the rain on the roof, and the sounds of thunder and lightning.
************
"You stood in my doorway with nothing to say,
Besides some comment on the weather."
************
I decided to break the silence, "So, was there something you needed to talk to me about?" I asked.
"Well," he started obviously getting nervous "I came over to let you know that I’m going to be" He finished the sentence in an almost hushed whisper " moving back to Chicago next week." He looked at me expectantly.
I was shocked; I didn’t know what to say. I may have hated him but that didn’t mean I wanted him to go away. All I could muster was a weak "Oh." I continued to stare at my coffee as if expecting it to swallow me up. "When did you find out?" I asked after a while.
He was still looking at the fire when he answered "Oh, I’ve known about it for a few months. I just didn’t want it to be true. I figured if I didn’t think about it, it would just never happen." He added much quieter "And if I didn’t think about you, It wouldn’t hurt so bad when I left." With that he put his head down.
"What is that supposed mean." I asked a little above a whisper. I heard what he said, but it didn’t register what it meant.
Still not looking away from the fire, he said softly "You remember last month when you tried to call me and I was never home, or when stopped coming over? Didn’t you wonder why things started to change? Why do you think I broke up with you? We never had fights or anything like that. We were perfect together. I didn’t want to break up with you, but I had to. It was the only way that both of us wouldn’t get hurt."
I didn’t know what to say, this was just too much to take. First he tells me that he’s moving back to Chicago, and now after a whole month he tells me that he has to break up with me so I wouldn’t get hurt. What am I supposed to say to that?
************
"Well, in case you fail to notice,
In case you fail to see.
This is my heart, beating before you
This is me down on my knees.
These foolish games
Are tearing me apart.
And you’re thoughtless words
Are breaking my heart.
You’re breaking my heart."
************
This time the silence was pregnant, very pregnant. This time both of us were staring at the fire. The mood was very contemplative. I was still thinking about what he had said. It was all making since now, why he cut off all communication with me, why he was avoiding me. I was actually kind of happy, but I was pissed to.
"You know you could have just told me what was going on. I was so hurt. I just sat at home all the time wondering what was wrong with me." I said finally turning to face him. "Why did you have to be such a jerk!" I punched him in the arm to emphasize my point.
" Well, I thought I was doing the right thing… but I just felt so bad. Sometimes at night I would stop in front of your house and sit there, I wanted to tell you but I chickened out, I guess." He said, now looking at me.
"So why did you decide to come now?" I asked, really wanting to know the answer.
"Because I wanted to ask you something important." he replied.
End of Part One