(no subject)
Well lookie lookie whose got internet access.
This is quite rare. I stole the laptop from Seth. Everyone is falling asleep except for me. For some reason I have found a new way to create drama and agony in my life. I have greatly enjoyed spending so much time with these people but sometimes, no matter how many people I am surrounded by, I can get so lonely that it freezes me straight to the very core. This loneliness did however sponsor a great deal of introspective walks to the beach. I enjoy going to the beach alone. For some reason, that can be more comforting than being in the small house surrounded by ever so loved ones. This has been such a great trip. One thing that really helped me to feel this way was my previous walk on the beach. As I walked it kind of set in how much I miss my brother. It has been far longer than a year since I have spent a morsal of time with him. And, in that time that has passed, both of our lives have fallen into danger (his more so than mine). When Daniel got home I really felt weird. Sarah and her brother are so awesome. Jordan and his brother are so goofy. Me, I had just remembered my brother prior to Daniel's return. They actually remind me of eachother, Daniel and Brandon. Both radiate a kind of peace and comfort that comes with care. I am so in love with my life right now though. I just have some empty places that I am longing for God to fill. For some reason, I have been predicting and experiencing a great change in myself. After all, as I have mentioned far too many times, this is my last day of legal child hood. Soon I will no longer be under power of my parents. Was I ever? For some reason it feels that I will always belong to them though. It feels as though the pains and voids that were presented to me by them have been engraved into my very being for all eternity. Eighteen. Woah. But, what an increadible year it has been. Honestly, I really can't even remember my last birthday. At the time I was living in a different town, with different parents, and different friends, with different morals, and different goals. My financial situation was different along with my mode of transportation. I smoked, I drank, and I constantly sold myself to different idols of comfort such as despair, lonliness, anger, and anything that would give me a sence of family. Now who am I? It has been a hell of a year. My birthday. Sometimes I wonder why it would be celebrated at all. Sometimes I just wish that I would have never mentioned a date. Then, I could spend my entire year as if it were nothing. I would not feel so alone for the entire week of August the 5th. I look at other peoples birthdays surrounded by the entire family and friends and it makes me long for the same. Oh well, I'll get through with it and then I will have another 360 days to forget about the next one. Funny, one week ago I didn't even realize that my birthday was today.
I miss everyone. But, I am having a great trip. Sorry if it doesn't sound like it. I really am. I think that I have been able to feel more comfortable with the DeWitts. I'm also glad that I have gotten to spend time with Seth. He is pretty cool, but don't tell him that, wouldn't want it to go to his head, haha. I have also really enjoyed the time that I have been able to spend on the beach thinking about God, and about myself. I hope that I can find a purpose. I hope that I can be used. I hope that I can be loved, desired, and enjoyed. . .
. . .Well Cheese o' meter says that its cheese o' clock, and I'm starting to sound as cheesy as the blue box of mac' n cheese! goodnight, for who knows what awesome things God has in store for tomorrow.
This is quite rare. I stole the laptop from Seth. Everyone is falling asleep except for me. For some reason I have found a new way to create drama and agony in my life. I have greatly enjoyed spending so much time with these people but sometimes, no matter how many people I am surrounded by, I can get so lonely that it freezes me straight to the very core. This loneliness did however sponsor a great deal of introspective walks to the beach. I enjoy going to the beach alone. For some reason, that can be more comforting than being in the small house surrounded by ever so loved ones. This has been such a great trip. One thing that really helped me to feel this way was my previous walk on the beach. As I walked it kind of set in how much I miss my brother. It has been far longer than a year since I have spent a morsal of time with him. And, in that time that has passed, both of our lives have fallen into danger (his more so than mine). When Daniel got home I really felt weird. Sarah and her brother are so awesome. Jordan and his brother are so goofy. Me, I had just remembered my brother prior to Daniel's return. They actually remind me of eachother, Daniel and Brandon. Both radiate a kind of peace and comfort that comes with care. I am so in love with my life right now though. I just have some empty places that I am longing for God to fill. For some reason, I have been predicting and experiencing a great change in myself. After all, as I have mentioned far too many times, this is my last day of legal child hood. Soon I will no longer be under power of my parents. Was I ever? For some reason it feels that I will always belong to them though. It feels as though the pains and voids that were presented to me by them have been engraved into my very being for all eternity. Eighteen. Woah. But, what an increadible year it has been. Honestly, I really can't even remember my last birthday. At the time I was living in a different town, with different parents, and different friends, with different morals, and different goals. My financial situation was different along with my mode of transportation. I smoked, I drank, and I constantly sold myself to different idols of comfort such as despair, lonliness, anger, and anything that would give me a sence of family. Now who am I? It has been a hell of a year. My birthday. Sometimes I wonder why it would be celebrated at all. Sometimes I just wish that I would have never mentioned a date. Then, I could spend my entire year as if it were nothing. I would not feel so alone for the entire week of August the 5th. I look at other peoples birthdays surrounded by the entire family and friends and it makes me long for the same. Oh well, I'll get through with it and then I will have another 360 days to forget about the next one. Funny, one week ago I didn't even realize that my birthday was today.
I miss everyone. But, I am having a great trip. Sorry if it doesn't sound like it. I really am. I think that I have been able to feel more comfortable with the DeWitts. I'm also glad that I have gotten to spend time with Seth. He is pretty cool, but don't tell him that, wouldn't want it to go to his head, haha. I have also really enjoyed the time that I have been able to spend on the beach thinking about God, and about myself. I hope that I can find a purpose. I hope that I can be used. I hope that I can be loved, desired, and enjoyed. . .
. . .Well Cheese o' meter says that its cheese o' clock, and I'm starting to sound as cheesy as the blue box of mac' n cheese! goodnight, for who knows what awesome things God has in store for tomorrow.