(no subject)
Okay, no more lying to myself..no more lying to others...im going to say how i feel and i don't care if the truth hurts you or not..i can't keep it all bottled up inside me i need to get it out..
You all ant the truth? Well here yea go. I do have strong feelings for Ryan, but they are slowly growing less strong..just because the fact he has a girl friend sort of upsets me and i know i say i'm happy for him, i mean i am, but i'm still upset about it..im glad he's found someone he loves..but really, Ryan, don't be telling me you love me unless you really do..and if you really did then you wouldn't have a girl friend or temptations to see other people, so either you don't know how to show it or you really don't love me..at least now anyway..who knows about the future..but if you don't love me now then stop leading me on like you do its only hurting me. sorry im not trying to blow up at anyone or anything but i really need to get all of this off my chest. and Josh is great, he's absolutly incredible..and he's the sweetest guy ever..and i dunno im to young to be thinking about love, why can't i just think about friends and school and things i once loved to do like i use to. no, now my life is totally rapped up in love..and i hate it..because no one guy loves me back..and if they do they don't show it..i wish there wasno such thing as love..then people couldn't get hurt..or be played for a fool..heh, i know im making no sence, but im just typing out whatever comes to mind..grr.. i hate ryan right now..i wish he'd stop saying he loves me untill he means it..and i hate people who ditch me for other people..if you didn't want to hang out with me in the first place then why did you say yes or ask?..god im being wicked harsh right now..i could never hate anyone..escpecially ryan..i dunno im just agrivated at the world right now and instead of going rip shit on someone im being nice and am typing it all in here..i wish guys had the same feelings for me as i do them..i wish i was at the tech..no...what i really want more than anything is to be happy..i wish i was happy..