..Personal Growth??..

[_waysuperrad]

Sometimes I question how much I've really grown. Sometimes I think what if it's all a farse? what if I'm just convincing myself that I'm doing better, when in reality I'm just the same as I was before. Chilling thoughts. I'm trying to get to a place where it's not always a split scene..where I'm not calm on the outside and thrashing about,

Comments

[mcvandal]

We are all always growing and changing, whether we want to or not.
I meant to write you a while ago regarding a post you made.
Basically, I wanted to remind you, that you have made the decision to stop using drugs and alcohol (I believe?), thus the increase in emotionality/over-self-analysis is very NORMAL. Being an ex-addict (That's what *I* call it... and YES I still drink, but I never claimed to be a part of NA... we all have out methods...), as well as a Substance Abuse Counselor, I know all about this. Being a Major Depressive, I understand even more... There is much truth to the term depressive realism.
It's hard, what you have set out to do. Keep reminding yourself, you're only human, okay?
~P

PS: I'm listening to DM, too. >:)

[_waysuperrad]

Thank you so much, this is really good to read. I feel as if I don't talk to you often enough, it was really great to get this comment though. it's helpful to be reminded of things your own mind clouds you from seeing most of the time. I appreciate it a lot. Sometimes I forget that you are a substance abuse counselor and I think it might be helpful to talk to you about some things sometimes. I've been doing alright lately..but ya know, it's a rollercoaster and I'm hit much more head on with my feelings..but yea, it's a process.
thanks hun. :)

P.s. "DM" kicks major ass :D

[delvelove]

You can just ignore this question if you want, but I have to ask about that day...?

[_waysuperrad]

send me a message on myspace...I'll answer that there

[reconstruct_her]

Sometimes I read over the things you write lately and I am not sure I recognize the Joy I had gotten so used to. That's in no way a bad thing, it's just different...you've deffinitely changed, grown, matured, so on and so forth. It feels weird to be on the other side of the country hardly having a clue as to what exactly you're going through there to bring all of this change, all these thoughts of yours, ect. about. I wish I could hug you. I wish I could meet your eyes. I wish we were laughing together. I miss you like hell

[_waysuperrad]

I wish that we were closer or kept in touch better, I'd like to know of all the things that are going on in your life. So much is happening here that is tearing me down and building me up at the same time. Yes, it's so possible. Scarey..odd, but yea. hmm. I want to run and jump on your and poke you and sip coffee with you and such. I miss you dearly.

I love the fact that we are friends, you run so deep and I still want to know everything about you in every way, I hope that one day distance allows that to resume.

I'm not talking about D...he doesn't affect me anymore thankfully...something else, that one night down town that I was really drunk and there was a show and we were drinking vodka and orange juice and i was already drunk, laying on the ground talking and that guy i was trying to avoid..scared of, I couldn't see but it was bad news..anyhow, enough of that.

I'll never forget..you don't forget either..I will always love you..always.

[reconstruct_her]

Maybe we'll catch each other online some evenings...it'd be better than nothing...hmm?

I remember that night all too well, too.

[_waysuperrad]

I'll have to start going on AIM more often, I haven't been at all lately, but I realize that is not the best idea seeing as that's my only form of communication with some folks. Hmm.

I remember so many nights, so many times...*sigh* I'm not sure if I'll make it to hollywood over christmas, but I'm going to try