sometimes I think the rain is the only thing that I wake up for in the morning

[_withinadream_]

Poetry...yah.. okay, so the linky lj-cut isn't the title, but i like how it sounds so i made i the clickable link. I don't have a title... any suggestions

Comments

[rockmysocks212]

Its...different, but I like it. I'm not the best at criticizing poetry so in the third stanza the line...But it's always there adversaries...do you mean their?
But I really liked the second to last stanza

[mistressotaku]

i like this alot sam... your taking it in a lot of directions, but i like the format and after i read it once or twice i think it really works...

i don't know how it's applying to your life, but i know how i read it to apply to mine, you know? which is like... the interpretive point of poetry...

i only have one main, although minor, problem. you just might want to read through and try to reword or eliminate all the "uber-phrases" that we use without thinking about the sort of cliched meaning they have...
like, "beauty is only skin deep"
if you can write the rest of that poem, you can write that sentence more originally and beautifully...

that was the only thing that really stuck out for me... other then that it was constant and flowing. i enjoyed your style-lish-ness...

^_^ SUPER-UBER-SAM-SAM!!

much love-

-casey mo

[_withinadream_]

alright, about that line.. theres a reason I picked it!! see Venus de Milo.. made of stone.. writing about beauty because supposedly she's the most beautiful person anything can be. like perfection, is made of rock, not skin. So why would she write about how beauty is skin deep when she's made of rock? hm? i think that's why i put "beauty is only skin deep" in the first draft (which is what the aboveness is..)

anything else to fix-up? i really like the idea of this poem.. you know when you write a poem and you're just like, "i like what i can do with this?" well, i have that feeling and i'm a perfectionist, so rip it up as much as you want :)