(no subject)
Haven't had an actual update in a while. Does it really matter though? Nope.
So it seems as though the two people in my life who I thought would be there no matter what, don't have any time for me. It's always me calling either one of them to hang out. I'm never called. It could all be in my head, but I feel like I'm always the one to get stepped on...and when I actually try to stand up for myself, people think I'm a bitch..so I can't win.
And onto another thing, I'm not going to pretend that I'm not hurt easily. I'm a sensitive person, sometimes overly sensitive when it comes to certain topics. Some people may think I'm just being ridiculous. Go ahead and think that. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that I probably have one of the lowest levels of self-confidence known to mankind, and over the course of this break, I've had quite a few things thrown at me that, although were most likely meant in a harmless way, really hurt me. I hate feeling threatened, and unfortunately during the past couple of days, I was put into a few positions that made me feel that way. It sucks because it's probably all in my head, and if it isn't, I can't do anything about it anyway which is frustrating beyond belief. My only choice is to smile, roll with the punches, and tuck all emotions inside. I try to do that, I really do, but there's only so much I can take. I can't keep everything inside. I have to let it out at some point or it eats me alive. I just feel completely helpless. I hate having to fake a smile.
So it seems as though the two people in my life who I thought would be there no matter what, don't have any time for me. It's always me calling either one of them to hang out. I'm never called. It could all be in my head, but I feel like I'm always the one to get stepped on...and when I actually try to stand up for myself, people think I'm a bitch..so I can't win.
And onto another thing, I'm not going to pretend that I'm not hurt easily. I'm a sensitive person, sometimes overly sensitive when it comes to certain topics. Some people may think I'm just being ridiculous. Go ahead and think that. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that I probably have one of the lowest levels of self-confidence known to mankind, and over the course of this break, I've had quite a few things thrown at me that, although were most likely meant in a harmless way, really hurt me. I hate feeling threatened, and unfortunately during the past couple of days, I was put into a few positions that made me feel that way. It sucks because it's probably all in my head, and if it isn't, I can't do anything about it anyway which is frustrating beyond belief. My only choice is to smile, roll with the punches, and tuck all emotions inside. I try to do that, I really do, but there's only so much I can take. I can't keep everything inside. I have to let it out at some point or it eats me alive. I just feel completely helpless. I hate having to fake a smile.