i shouldn't be so selfish because he's talked to me every night until late this week and tonight he's sick and i called, he wasn't saying anything and i feel like he hates me and i hate acting stupid over a boy two states away.
a story: one time I spent an entire week with a girl. I finally got the courage to ask her out and she said yes, basically. somehow things gradually got worse. I never quite understood it and I tried fixing things so much and eventually discovered she wasn't worth my time. a secret: I like flowers, specifially orchids. a confession: I've never thought or believed in myself and continue to feel like I'll never amount to anything. Also, I've never felt so alone in my life. a love: I love sitting next to girl, holding her in my arms and just talking or holding each other. I miss doing that so much.
i am not growing up. i feel like a bad person when i drink. anything that is out of the ordinary wierds me out. i really want to get addicted to heroin or cocain and end up dead in a ditch somewhere. if i end up going out with this girl i will make her upset because she will end up wishing i loved her and i won't care less if she loses her limbs in a horific car accident. i doesn't matter to me. fill in the blank. i don't care about it. i am becoming an insomniac. if i see morning lite before i fall asleep i want to kill myself. i want to leave her and find something else but you can't get away with it anymore. if you want any hope of haveing a middle class life you can't do anything but work you fingers to the brain and than die. so run. run for your death. because that is the only thing you can convince yourself you have any control over.
i miss the person i feel in love with. i wish it was legal to kill some one b/c my sister and her bull shit towards me would have lasted only once instead of daily. im older than her and i would lash out at her if i didnt have so much to lose. i hate her.
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a secret: I like flowers, specifially orchids.
a confession: I've never thought or believed in myself and continue to feel like I'll never amount to anything. Also, I've never felt so alone in my life.
a love: I love sitting next to girl, holding her in my arms and just talking or holding each other. I miss doing that so much.
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me too.
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