FUCK YOU NOAH!!! an essay
this would be Devit's relationship essay if it weren't broad enough to be more an essay on Shuri himself. BUT I WROTE IT, HERE IT IS, DON'T KILL ME
I've been putting this essay off for a while and as I've done that I have been accumulating more and more things that are important to write about so hopefully I don't. forget them. all.
Okay, let's start with Shuri Oak as he generally is, and how he was when he fell into camp. In canon, Shuri is used to the world catering to him, and to what he wants. He believes that he deserves special treatment, and in general he is the only one who deserves special treatment, save maybe some other people that he deems worthy, whether because he actually likes them or because they're 'on his side', and they'll pretend to like him and do as he says for the benefits. He sees nothing wrong with this latter category of people, by the way; in fact for him they're necessary, and they made up the large majority of his friends (read: lackeys) at the Academy. Shuri feels this is the way the world works, because he has never been dissuaded from this notion. He has been encouraged to think this way, it has given him benefits in life, so why should he stop?
CAMP, however, is giving him a SLEW of answers to this question when previously he had a very insignificant few. Why should he stop? Because he's not getting those benefits anymore. Because people won't listen to him. Because people will not bend over backwards as soon as they hear his name. Because people will go so far as to abuse him for asking for that, verbally and physically! But Shuri, who really doesn't have much without this power, because he has never needed to develop anything else besides this intrinsic power of his family line--he's not going to let go of all he has just because of things like those. It's enough to make him frustrated, and enough to make him dislike camp rather vehemently, but not enough motivation to make him change.
...And then there is Devit! Hi Devit, this essay is about you I promise.
If there is one thing, just one thing that Shuri will respond to, that he will drop his spoiled holier-than-thou attitude for, it's fear. This is proven more than once in canon. In canon however, these terrors are isolated from each other, so they're not enough to wrench Shuri's mental foundations from him. But Devit is always there. He is pretty damn close to a constant. And he's pretty relentless too, in finding Shuri's weak points and attacking them. Shuri has never been this victimized before.
Before That One Incident though, Shuri was actually kind of ambivalent about Devit. He was wary, of course, but Devit kept going back and forth from being nice to him to threatening to kill him, presumably based on what Devit found more amusing at the time. Shuri back then just kept hoping for the best and maybe, maybe this time Devit wouldn't do anything like that anymore. ... :(
That One Incident is of course the stabbing incident. It's kind of hard for me to figure out why exactly this one incident is so grave in Shuri's mind, the actual physical violence and blood probably burned it through his thick skull, but whatever the exact cause it's definitely been the turning point for Shuri's relationship with Devit at the VERY LEAST. I'd say it's... it's probably because Shuri actually went ahead and stabbed him, and also the matter that he let himself do it in the first place. Shuri had never actually hurt anyone like that before. For all his talk and malicious, selfish manipulations, he would never want to kill anyone or hurt them that badly. He didn't actually want to hurt Devit like that, either. But he did want Devit to leave him alone. He did want Devit to disappear. He wanted that strongly enough to do it. :(
The cost has been the haunting Fact of that whole incident hovering around him, the fact that Devit is still there and did not disappear, and subsequently his magnified fear. Now Shuri can't EVER trust Devit entirely; he will doubt his intentions unless Devit like, seriously dotes on him long-term which will probably never happen but I can't say it's impossible for Shuri to ever sort of trust Devit again. Currently Devit symbolizes for Shuri everything he hates about this stupid place, everything he hates in general, everything that could ever prevent him from living happily. I guess at least it makes it easier on Shuri to concentrate all of this onto just one person, ahaha. But Devit's constant presence and the way he won't back off means that, at long last, Shuri must find a way to deal, and there's no way for him to deal except by actually changing, something Shuri has never before found it necessary to do.
So how are some of the different ways Shuri has been changing? First of all, there was immediatelyish after the incident when Devit was a kitty. Devikitty brought up what he had done! What Shuri ended up doing was distracting his fear, when he generally doesn't have that ability. Normally he probably would have fallen for the bait in some way, by being angry or frightened and actually reacting somehow. But, instead, as an emergency defensive measure, he went "hey I don't have to listen to this from him, he's just a cat!" And then he successfully continued as if Devit were just a cute innocent kitty, meow~♥ This example may just be a new application of Shuri's self-delusion skills, but it's a valuable new application, something he hadn't really done before.
Another important thing to take note of was a little later when Devit was still a kitty, and he was talking to Domyoji. Shuri jumped in the thread and was a little confused; the scene before him was a cocky little Devikitty and Domyoji kinda flailing and ordering Shuri to kill the cat. NOW THIS IS A PRETTY NORMAL SCENE ALL THINGS CONSIDERED, and if it wasn't so soon after That One Incident Shuri probably would have reacted in a slightly different way. But as it stood, Shuri saw the scene and immediately thought: What did he do to Domyoji??? It's a significant thought because Shuri isn't usually concerned about anyone that is not himself. In fact he originally became friends with Domyoji because Domyoji is rich and influential and Shuri likes making friends with rich and influential people. He does, of course, genuinely like Domyoji now. And I guess that's why he panicked a teeny bit--uh, well, we've already established that Shuri thinks he holds the most power in the world. But he can't delude himself into thinking that he has power over Devit anymore either. Logically, to him, this makes Devit absolutely uncontrollable. If HE can't do anything against Devit, how can anyone else do anything against him? It was a moment of realization.
He extends this same concern more recently specifically towards Hakuren, and he doesn't even know that they're dating, man. In Shuri's mind, if anyone else is capable of controlling Devit, it is Hakuren, because Hakuren is also an Oak. 8D;; But Devit seems to hold a strong interest in Hakuren too, even more than his interest in Shuri, my god! And Shuri of course assumes this is the same malicious interest Devit has in him!! He can't help but feel a little concerned for Hakuren 8(
In a more positive way, Shuri really is more conscious of what people in general feel about him. He feels now more than ever he needs connections; he needs a group of friends or comrades or a mafia so he can feel safe again. So, just in general, he's been a little more amiable and a lot less likely to scare off friends (or... at the very least for every person he meets who starts to dislike him, he has an internal '...dammit!!' moment). Watching his own actions, and actually evaluating others' opinions, even if it's just a tiny bit??? Goodness me.
...still, he's not going to stop interacting with Devit, even if maybe that would be the best idea. Shuri still isn't the sort of person who avoids people. People are supposed to make way for him, not the other way around. And Hakuren's assured him that Devit won't hurt him! Therefore, he doesn't see this change as actual change, per se. What he's doing, to him, is just to facilitate him living the same, the way he wants to. 8|
tl;dr Devit's "helping" worked for me, and it only cost me my peace of mind and sense of security! End testimonial.
QUESTIONS COMMENTS AND THINGS I MISSED: PROCEED. MY LAPTOP BATTERY IS DYING SO I KIND OF HAVE TO POST THIS RIGHT NOW.
I've been putting this essay off for a while and as I've done that I have been accumulating more and more things that are important to write about so hopefully I don't. forget them. all.
Okay, let's start with Shuri Oak as he generally is, and how he was when he fell into camp. In canon, Shuri is used to the world catering to him, and to what he wants. He believes that he deserves special treatment, and in general he is the only one who deserves special treatment, save maybe some other people that he deems worthy, whether because he actually likes them or because they're 'on his side', and they'll pretend to like him and do as he says for the benefits. He sees nothing wrong with this latter category of people, by the way; in fact for him they're necessary, and they made up the large majority of his friends (read: lackeys) at the Academy. Shuri feels this is the way the world works, because he has never been dissuaded from this notion. He has been encouraged to think this way, it has given him benefits in life, so why should he stop?
CAMP, however, is giving him a SLEW of answers to this question when previously he had a very insignificant few. Why should he stop? Because he's not getting those benefits anymore. Because people won't listen to him. Because people will not bend over backwards as soon as they hear his name. Because people will go so far as to abuse him for asking for that, verbally and physically! But Shuri, who really doesn't have much without this power, because he has never needed to develop anything else besides this intrinsic power of his family line--he's not going to let go of all he has just because of things like those. It's enough to make him frustrated, and enough to make him dislike camp rather vehemently, but not enough motivation to make him change.
...And then there is Devit! Hi Devit, this essay is about you I promise.
If there is one thing, just one thing that Shuri will respond to, that he will drop his spoiled holier-than-thou attitude for, it's fear. This is proven more than once in canon. In canon however, these terrors are isolated from each other, so they're not enough to wrench Shuri's mental foundations from him. But Devit is always there. He is pretty damn close to a constant. And he's pretty relentless too, in finding Shuri's weak points and attacking them. Shuri has never been this victimized before.
Before That One Incident though, Shuri was actually kind of ambivalent about Devit. He was wary, of course, but Devit kept going back and forth from being nice to him to threatening to kill him, presumably based on what Devit found more amusing at the time. Shuri back then just kept hoping for the best and maybe, maybe this time Devit wouldn't do anything like that anymore. ... :(
That One Incident is of course the stabbing incident. It's kind of hard for me to figure out why exactly this one incident is so grave in Shuri's mind, the actual physical violence and blood probably burned it through his thick skull, but whatever the exact cause it's definitely been the turning point for Shuri's relationship with Devit at the VERY LEAST. I'd say it's... it's probably because Shuri actually went ahead and stabbed him, and also the matter that he let himself do it in the first place. Shuri had never actually hurt anyone like that before. For all his talk and malicious, selfish manipulations, he would never want to kill anyone or hurt them that badly. He didn't actually want to hurt Devit like that, either. But he did want Devit to leave him alone. He did want Devit to disappear. He wanted that strongly enough to do it. :(
The cost has been the haunting Fact of that whole incident hovering around him, the fact that Devit is still there and did not disappear, and subsequently his magnified fear. Now Shuri can't EVER trust Devit entirely; he will doubt his intentions unless Devit like, seriously dotes on him long-term which will probably never happen but I can't say it's impossible for Shuri to ever sort of trust Devit again. Currently Devit symbolizes for Shuri everything he hates about this stupid place, everything he hates in general, everything that could ever prevent him from living happily. I guess at least it makes it easier on Shuri to concentrate all of this onto just one person, ahaha. But Devit's constant presence and the way he won't back off means that, at long last, Shuri must find a way to deal, and there's no way for him to deal except by actually changing, something Shuri has never before found it necessary to do.
So how are some of the different ways Shuri has been changing? First of all, there was immediatelyish after the incident when Devit was a kitty. Devikitty brought up what he had done! What Shuri ended up doing was distracting his fear, when he generally doesn't have that ability. Normally he probably would have fallen for the bait in some way, by being angry or frightened and actually reacting somehow. But, instead, as an emergency defensive measure, he went "hey I don't have to listen to this from him, he's just a cat!" And then he successfully continued as if Devit were just a cute innocent kitty, meow~♥ This example may just be a new application of Shuri's self-delusion skills, but it's a valuable new application, something he hadn't really done before.
Another important thing to take note of was a little later when Devit was still a kitty, and he was talking to Domyoji. Shuri jumped in the thread and was a little confused; the scene before him was a cocky little Devikitty and Domyoji kinda flailing and ordering Shuri to kill the cat. NOW THIS IS A PRETTY NORMAL SCENE ALL THINGS CONSIDERED, and if it wasn't so soon after That One Incident Shuri probably would have reacted in a slightly different way. But as it stood, Shuri saw the scene and immediately thought: What did he do to Domyoji??? It's a significant thought because Shuri isn't usually concerned about anyone that is not himself. In fact he originally became friends with Domyoji because Domyoji is rich and influential and Shuri likes making friends with rich and influential people. He does, of course, genuinely like Domyoji now. And I guess that's why he panicked a teeny bit--uh, well, we've already established that Shuri thinks he holds the most power in the world. But he can't delude himself into thinking that he has power over Devit anymore either. Logically, to him, this makes Devit absolutely uncontrollable. If HE can't do anything against Devit, how can anyone else do anything against him? It was a moment of realization.
He extends this same concern more recently specifically towards Hakuren, and he doesn't even know that they're dating, man. In Shuri's mind, if anyone else is capable of controlling Devit, it is Hakuren, because Hakuren is also an Oak. 8D;; But Devit seems to hold a strong interest in Hakuren too, even more than his interest in Shuri, my god! And Shuri of course assumes this is the same malicious interest Devit has in him!! He can't help but feel a little concerned for Hakuren 8(
In a more positive way, Shuri really is more conscious of what people in general feel about him. He feels now more than ever he needs connections; he needs a group of friends or comrades or a mafia so he can feel safe again. So, just in general, he's been a little more amiable and a lot less likely to scare off friends (or... at the very least for every person he meets who starts to dislike him, he has an internal '...dammit!!' moment). Watching his own actions, and actually evaluating others' opinions, even if it's just a tiny bit??? Goodness me.
...still, he's not going to stop interacting with Devit, even if maybe that would be the best idea. Shuri still isn't the sort of person who avoids people. People are supposed to make way for him, not the other way around. And Hakuren's assured him that Devit won't hurt him! Therefore, he doesn't see this change as actual change, per se. What he's doing, to him, is just to facilitate him living the same, the way he wants to. 8|
tl;dr Devit's "helping" worked for me, and it only cost me my peace of mind and sense of security! End testimonial.
QUESTIONS COMMENTS AND THINGS I MISSED: PROCEED. MY LAPTOP BATTERY IS DYING SO I KIND OF HAVE TO POST THIS RIGHT NOW.