[Fic -- TezuFuji] The Lone amurai ~part 1
Title: THE LONE SAMURAI
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Tezuka/Fuji, slight Oshitari/Atobe, with little appearances of other characters.
Rating: PG-13
Warning(s): Lots of angst. Character’s death(s). But in the original tale, it has kind of a happy ending, so worry not. Also, some explanations you can read beforehand if you wish, but they are not essential in the story itself, actually.
Summary: Actually based on The Little Match Girl. “To protect” is not an easy thing to do. Tezuka had learned about it the hard way.
Word count: ~3250
Disclaimer: Any recognizable characters and settings aren’t mine. Any flaws and inaccuracies in historical events, cultures and such, however, are all mine. If you would, disregard those errors, thank you.
A/N: Originally written for perfect-tales in LJ, for chibikaoruchan. Umm so.. you might want to kill me reading this chappie, BUT.
BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO KILL ME, PLEASE REMEMBER THAT:
1. This is based on THE LITTLE MATCH GIRL.
2. I LOVE TezuFuji SOOO MUCH I can’t let them be unhappy till the end, kay? (Though ‘happiness’ is relative, really.)
Thanks to applentoast for poking my muse, tacuma811 for being my first reader, and thallein, my dearest beta.
PROLOGUE here
~PART 1~
It was quite a cold night in summer, but in a certain place called the Ikedaya inn, a heated battle was currently happening. The shishi from Choshu-han had planned to set fire in Kyoto and captured the daimyo of the Aizu clan, which happened to be in charge of policing Kyoto at the time. The Shinsengumi had managed to retrieve this secret information through interrogation of one of the shishi they had apprehended earlier.
Tezuka Kunimitsu, together with his troops, led by Kondo Isami, had infiltrated the inn to ambush the shishi before they could carry out their plans. The clash of swords were heard everywhere. Screams of pain and sputters of bloods filled the formerly quiet inn as the Shinsengumi tried to eliminate those who attempted to escape or fight back.
A second group of troops led by Hijikata Toshizo arrived, and the situation became more brutal as both sides persisted towards their goals. Tezuka cut down a couple of men who resisted to surrender and tried to escape outside.
Time passed by, and the amount of resistance seemed to decrease, partly because their troops had taken down most of them, but also because the remaining oppositions feared for their lives. Tezuka checked to see if any other ronins were left, when he heard a coughing sound in a nearby room. He found one of the senior members of Shinsengumi, Okita Souji, coughing up blood.
Okita tried to catch his hitched breath, but his cough racked his body and his senior clutched at his chest as blood kept spluttered out. The sight drew forth the memory of a certain smiling youth who had coughed blood numerous times before smiling sadly at him came to Tezuka’s head, and he forgot his surroundings.
“Watch behind you!” the warning came too late, and Tezuka suddenly felt like falling into the abyss…
…and everything went black.
* * *
Blinking several times, Tezuka slowly opened his eyes to find a not-too-familiar ceiling and the smell of medications indicated that he was probably in the sickbay back in headquarters. Still feeling fuzzy, the regal youth sat up and almost jerked back down again for a certain navy-haired youth’s face appeared directly in front of him.
“Well, well, finally you’re awake, Tezuka. Quite a slacker we have here. You’ve been sleeping for, say, two days, was it?” the doctor’s apprentice purred.
“Oshitari… what happened?” Tezuka asked curtly.
“That should be our line. Whatever had gotten into you that you let yourself get hit square in the head like that, ahn?” another familiar voice joined and Tezuka turned his head slightly upwards to find an ever-smug face of a certain grey-haired youth of his age.
“You got a large bump on the back of your head, you know,” Oshitari added.
Frowning, Tezuka lifted his left hand and fingered his way through the bandage around his head, and stopped immediately after seeing Oshitari chuckled. Atobe didn’t bother to hide his snort. He didn’t have any bumps on his head. Tezuka lowered his hand and glared daggers at the doctor’s apprentice.
“So, what brings the heir of the Atobe clan here? Do you, by chance, also bumped your head on something?”
“Shut up, Oshitari. I am a respectable member of Shinsengumi. I can be wherever I wish. Besides, I am here to deliver the words of my father to the doctor. Where is he?”
“Sensei is tending to Okita-san right now,” Oshitari answered calmly.
The mention of that name made Tezuka flinch visibly, and this was not missed by his two companions.
“I heard you were hit after seeing Okita-san cough up blood?” Atobe asked though Tezuka knew he needed no confirmation.
Oshitari smiled a bit bitterly. “You were reminded of Fuji, weren’t you?”
Tezuka gave no comment, but his eyes gave away his thoughts.
Sighing, Tezuka stood up from his futon, and was immediately assaulted by a wave of dizziness. He assumed it was because of the hit he had received, and gave no further care of it.
“Where are you going?” Atobe asked once he realized the dark-haired youth’s attempt to leave the sickbay.
Tezuka didn’t answer, but he did spare the two a glance before pacing towards the exit.
“You’ll have two more days off. Get enough rest, okay?” Oshitari added before Tezuka was completely out of the room.
The two boys sighed, and a wistful look crossed between their faces.
“He still doesn’t talk much, eh?” the noble samurai started, as his eyes still fixed on the fusuma.
“Well, not that he was talkative to begin with, but it has worsened since then…”
“And it’s almost a year already…”
* * *
Tezuka walked down the small path leading to a cemetery area within the headquarter complex after changing into his plain black yukata. In his right hand were some flowers he picked in a garden nearby, while his left hand was carrying a bucket of water.
He was walking graciously between the tall tombstones; his eyes directed straight ahead. The afternoon breeze passed him by, playing with the strands of dark brown. He stopped in the middle of the yard, in front of a certain tombstone, and for a split-second, his eyes darkened.
‘Fuji Shuusuke’ was engraved on it.
Tezuka took the ladle and scooped some water from the bucket, before pouring it over the top of the tombstone. He repeated the action several times before finally putting down the water bucket. He placed the flowers in front of the stone and stared longingly at the engraved name. .
‘It’s been almost a year, Shuusuke,’ Tezuka voiced in his head. ‘As you have asked, I’m living until today.’
There was no reply but the rustle of the wind teasing the leaves.
Tezuka sighed again, eyes tracing the neat engraving of Fuji’s name. The grey tombstone stared back at him, as if reminding him the glaring fact that Fuji Shuusuke was dead.
Suddenly feeling annoyed, Tezuka frowned deeper. He knew that Fuji had passed away, and he didn’t need that dull tombstone to remind him that. After a few seconds, though, Tezuka mentally scolded himself for having an imaginary spat with a non-living thing.
Maybe he had hit his head harder than he thought.
Now that he thought about it, his head did kind of hurt, like there was a light pounding inside it. Tezuka squeezed his eyes shut and brought a hand to cradle his throbbing temples.
“Are you alright?” said a familiar voice, and Tezuka slowly opened his eyes. A tall figure with similar plain black yukata stood not far from his right.
“Sanada,” Tezuka nodded his head in greetings.
Sanada stepped closer and passed Tezuka to his left, before stopping in front of a tombstone not far from him. “I heard you got your head hit pretty hard at Ikedaya?” the stern-looking man asked as he poured water on top of a tombstone with ‘Yukimura Seiichi’ engraved on it.
“Ah,” was Tezuka’s curt reply before returning his attention to Fuji’s resting place.
There was a moment of silence while the two of them stood and stared at the tombstones in front of them, drowning in their own thought; conversing with the shadow of those who should have been in heaven.
Sanada then walked a few steps to Fuji’s grave, and said, “If I may, I’d like to offer my prayer to Fuji-kun as well.”
“Sure, thank you,” replied Tezuka as he took a step sideways.
Sanada stood in front of Fuji’s grave with his hands clamped before his chest and closed his eyes. Then, he bent to take his water bucket and was about to leave when he glanced at Tezuka. The expression on the other youth’s face was not really fathomable to Tezuka, but he took it as something close to ‘sympathy’.
“You need to let go of him, Tezuka,” Sanada finally said.
Tezuka’s brows twitched. “Do you mean to forget him?” he snapped with a sharp edge in his tone.
Sanada sighed. “No, it’s different. You shouldn’t forget him since deceased people could only live in one’s heart, but you need to let go to continue living.”
“I am living.” Tezuka retorted.
Sanada gave no more replies. Instead, he stared silently into Tezuka’s hazel eyes. Then, he turned on his heels after a brief, “I’ll be going first.”
Tezuka stood still, watching the retreating back of his companion with a frown. For a split second, he thought he saw a faint figure of a certain blue-haired male with a smile on his face, embracing Sanada’s back before floating upwards and disappearing. Tezuka blinked and shook his head, but he saw nothing unusual. He blamed it on his imagination caused by a trick of light. Then, he reverted his gaze back to Fuji’s tombstone and sighed.
‘I am living, aren’t I, Shuusuke?’
The grey object gave him no response.
* * *
Tezuka never really gave much thought about his life, but there were times he felt like his life was so dull, so empty. He felt incomplete, like there was this missing piece to fill the hole in his heart. Of course, Tezuka knew what was missing; Fuji.
For Tezuka, Fuji was a family, a brother, a rival, a best friend, and more. To put it simply, Fuji was his everything. Tezuka had thought once that the affection he held towards the younger boy was that of a brotherly love. After all, they had grown up together and lived as a family once he was taken in by Fuji Yuusaku.
After the tragedy that had left both of them with only each other, the feeling of affection towards the fair haired youth had grown bigger. At first, Tezuka had thought that it came from his desire to protect his adoptive brother, but there had been times when Tezuka thought what he felt towards the other boy wasn’t that innocent.
After Fuji’s attempt at seppuku-which Tezuka had put a stop to-Fuji had gradually returned to the self he was before the incident, all because he had Tezuka with him. Tezuka too, had finally started to smile, albeit rarely, because he had Fuji by his side. Together, they had emotionally supported each other.
He had never really wanted to have any romantic relationships of any sorts with Fuji. Just having him by his side, being able to protect him and seeing his smile was enough.
And yet Fuji himself had been taken away from him.
Ever since then, Tezuka felt that his own existence was no longer whole.
* * *
It had been weeks since the incident at the Ikedaya inn, and according to Oshitari, the wound on his head had been healed, but sometimes, Tezuka got these occasional headaches. They weren’t bad; just some light pounding on his head but it was nonetheless uncomfortable.
“Probably it’s a post-trauma effect, since your head got hit really hard,” was what the doctor’s apprentice said.
That night, as usual, he had dinner together with the other members. He stared at the meal before him and his appetite grew bigger as he saw grilled eel, his favorite dish.
“Why are you staring at your meal like that, Tezuka-san?” asked Momoshiro, a fellow swordsman on his troop as he peeked curiously on his Tezuka’s meal.
“Nothing. This grilled eel looks good,“ Tezuka replied coolly.
For a second, Momoshiro looked at him with widening eyes, before bursting out in laughter. “Tezuka-san,” he said in the middle of his mirth, “were you attempting a joke? Saying an ordinary grilled fish as a grilled eel… bwahahaha!”
Tezuka blinked and almost immediately, he looked back to his meal… and blinked again. He was sure he had seen grilled eel before, but in front of him now, sat innocently a grilled fish.
“I didn’t know you were capable of jokes, Tezuka-san!” said Momoshiro, still laughing.
Tezuka gave no reply, and stared at the dish that had changed forms magically before his eyes. He felt a headache coming, and he lost his appetite.
* * *
It was an uneventful night. Tezuka was on patrol duty and he strolled down the street. The summer night breeze toyed with his hair, and he closed his eyes for a brief moment, enjoying the gentle wind against his face. When he opened his eyes, he had to blink at the sight of a red maple leaf falling slowly to the grounds.
It was still summer. There was no way a red maple leaf should fall from its branch. Besides, they should still be green. Tezuka looked up then, and saw the flurry of red and orange maple leaves falling down slowly from nowhere, creating beautiful shades of red around him.
And he thought he saw bloods on the grounds.
Tezuka stepped backwards. The redness around him promptly reminded him of that tragic night, where he had lost his master and Fuji Yuuta. The memories of that night swiftly made their way to Tezuka’s mind’s eye, forcing the dark-haired samurai to see once more the scene he had wanted to forget.
The smell of blood drifted to his nose, and Tezuka had to clamp a hand over his mouth to prevent himself from vomiting.
“Tezuka-san!”
Hearing his name called, Tezuka snapped out of his reverie. He weakly turned his head and found Echizen, a new gifted member of the Shinsengumi, heading towards him.
“Are you alright?” the young samurai asked once he caught up with his senior.
Tezuka blinked his eyes and looked around. There were no red maple leaves around, nor was there any blood. Did he just have an illusion? Or was he dreaming while walking?
“Tezuka-san?” Echizen called again while looking worriedly over his rather disoriented companion.
“I’m sorry. I’m alright,” Tezuka answered in a flat tone, trying to calm himself. A cold bead of sweat trailed down his temple, and once again his head throbbed.
“It’s my shift now,” Echizen started, looking at the older boy while trying to hide his concern, “You should go back to the headquarters. I’ll take it from here.”
Feeling the need to rest, Tezuka complied. “I’ll leave the rest to you, then,” he said before walking away.
As he made his way back to the H.Q., Tezuka couldn’t help but muse on what just happened to him. Whether it was a dream or an illusion, it was the first time Tezuka had such reaction upon seeing a pile of maple leaves on the grounds. Sure, autumn had been a harsh season for him and Fuji, for it was the season where they had been left alone in this world, having no one but each other.
Ever since then, he had been through three autumns with Fuji by his side. Probably that was why they could stay strong, because when memories of that night started to get overwhelming, they could lean on each other for comfort.
Summer was about to end, and autumn was just around the corner. Tezuka wondered if he could survive the season this year, without Fuji by his side.
* * *
It had started with light coughing, just as if one had merely caught a cold. Tezuka didn’t really remember exactly when the coughing started, but by the time he realized it, it had been more and more frequent. He had asked about it numerous times, but Fuji would just shrug it off, saying he was probably catching a cold and he would recover in no time. Tezuka couldn’t help but feel something was wrong, since as frail as Fuji may physically seem, he was the type who was actually always healthy.
Aside from the frequent coughing, Tezuka noted, Fuji was as healthy as one might be. He was still an outgoing person who seemed to be friends with all those around him. With his rather twisted sense of humor, Fuji provided entertainment for those around him. Fuji seemed so alive, so bright that Tezuka almost missed the signs of his degrading health.
It was after his 17th birthday that his health seemed to have gradually worsened. Tezuka would sometimes find Fuji coughing up blood, and from then on, Tezuka had become more and more protective towards the smaller boy - some would even say he was over-protective.
“Don’t be so overprotective, Mitsu. I can take care of myself,” had been Fuji’s statement when he started to get annoyed by the older boy’s treatment.
“You’re si… not so healthy,” Tezuka replied coolly.
“Look,” Fuji said again, crossing his arms in front of his chest in annoyance, “I’m perfectly healthy, as you can see. It got a bit colder lately so I cough every once in a while. Don’t make such a big fuss over it, okay?”
Tezuka was silent. ‘The weather is quite hot this summer,’ was what he wanted to say, but he knew better. So, Tezuka settled himself with saying, “I’m still worried.”.
Seeing the look of concern in Tezuka’s eyes, Fuji’s annoyance melted away. He uncrossed his arms and stepped closer to the older boy until they were mere inches away. He smiled wistfully. “I am the one who knows my health best, Mitsu, and I assure you that I am perfectly fine, so don’t worry about me, alright?”
Tezuka knew the stubborn look in Fuji’s eyes, so he said nothing. Instead, he took a step forward, closing the distance between them before gathering the lithe body into his arms. When Fuji questioned his action, Tezuka still said nothing, and tightened his arms instead, as if he didn’t want to let go.
Sure, Fuji knew best his own health.
And Tezuka knew Fuji was lying to him.
* * *
Something was wrong with him. Tezuka noticed that he had been… seeing things a lot lately. Like when he was taking a walk around the river, he saw a really big tuna that should have been deep under the sea instead of the shallow river, or when he saw a beautiful flower garden in the supposedly empty grounds where only weeds grew.
Or that one time when he saw a figure that looks painfully like his mother on an empty corner of the town.
Thinking that he was probably going crazy, Tezuka walked towards the sickbay with a frown adorning his handsome features.
Opening the fusuma, he found Oshitari holding a book while gazing at the falling maple leaves outside.
“The red maple leaves fell on the grounds, as silently as what my heart sounds….” was the first thing he heard upon entering the sickbay.
“For God’s sake, you better stop, Oshitari. You have absolutely zero talent in making haiku. Your lines just now had no beauty injected in them,” another voice chimed in, and Tezuka was too familiar with that smug tone of the speaker.
“How rude,” came the hurtful reply that betrayed the teasing smirk on Oshitari’s face. “And here I was going to make one for you, Atobe-sama” he drawled.
“I have no need for such things,” Atobe replied, a tint of pink faintly coloring his cheek.
“Ahem,” Tezuka cleared his throat. “Can I see the doctor?”
“Oh, Tezuka. You were there? Eavesdropping is not really nice, eh?”
“I wasn’t,” Tezuka scowled.
“What brings you here, then?”
Tezuka sighed. “I need to see the doctor… I think…”
Atobe raised an eyebrow at that, while Oshitari’s face turned a bit more serious. “You think?” asked the doctor’s apprentice. “Is something wrong?”
Tezuka stared at Oshitari for a few seconds, not really sure how he should explain his current conditions. Then, he closed his eyes for a brief moment, before finally said, “I’m having visions.”
TBC
A/N: Sooo… is that a cliffie? It’s originally a (really, really long) oneshot, so I was confused as to where I should cut the story XDD. Next part would be the last so don’t kill me yet!
A DETAILED review would be really much love, but ANY kind of reviews are welcomed, so please tell me what you think, ne? :D
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Tezuka/Fuji, slight Oshitari/Atobe, with little appearances of other characters.
Rating: PG-13
Warning(s): Lots of angst. Character’s death(s). But in the original tale, it has kind of a happy ending, so worry not. Also, some explanations you can read beforehand if you wish, but they are not essential in the story itself, actually.
Summary: Actually based on The Little Match Girl. “To protect” is not an easy thing to do. Tezuka had learned about it the hard way.
Word count: ~3250
Disclaimer: Any recognizable characters and settings aren’t mine. Any flaws and inaccuracies in historical events, cultures and such, however, are all mine. If you would, disregard those errors, thank you.
A/N: Originally written for perfect-tales in LJ, for chibikaoruchan. Umm so.. you might want to kill me reading this chappie, BUT.
BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO KILL ME, PLEASE REMEMBER THAT:
1. This is based on THE LITTLE MATCH GIRL.
2. I LOVE TezuFuji SOOO MUCH I can’t let them be unhappy till the end, kay? (Though ‘happiness’ is relative, really.)
Thanks to applentoast for poking my muse, tacuma811 for being my first reader, and thallein, my dearest beta.
PROLOGUE here
~PART 1~
It was quite a cold night in summer, but in a certain place called the Ikedaya inn, a heated battle was currently happening. The shishi from Choshu-han had planned to set fire in Kyoto and captured the daimyo of the Aizu clan, which happened to be in charge of policing Kyoto at the time. The Shinsengumi had managed to retrieve this secret information through interrogation of one of the shishi they had apprehended earlier.
Tezuka Kunimitsu, together with his troops, led by Kondo Isami, had infiltrated the inn to ambush the shishi before they could carry out their plans. The clash of swords were heard everywhere. Screams of pain and sputters of bloods filled the formerly quiet inn as the Shinsengumi tried to eliminate those who attempted to escape or fight back.
A second group of troops led by Hijikata Toshizo arrived, and the situation became more brutal as both sides persisted towards their goals. Tezuka cut down a couple of men who resisted to surrender and tried to escape outside.
Time passed by, and the amount of resistance seemed to decrease, partly because their troops had taken down most of them, but also because the remaining oppositions feared for their lives. Tezuka checked to see if any other ronins were left, when he heard a coughing sound in a nearby room. He found one of the senior members of Shinsengumi, Okita Souji, coughing up blood.
Okita tried to catch his hitched breath, but his cough racked his body and his senior clutched at his chest as blood kept spluttered out. The sight drew forth the memory of a certain smiling youth who had coughed blood numerous times before smiling sadly at him came to Tezuka’s head, and he forgot his surroundings.
“Watch behind you!” the warning came too late, and Tezuka suddenly felt like falling into the abyss…
…and everything went black.
* * *
Blinking several times, Tezuka slowly opened his eyes to find a not-too-familiar ceiling and the smell of medications indicated that he was probably in the sickbay back in headquarters. Still feeling fuzzy, the regal youth sat up and almost jerked back down again for a certain navy-haired youth’s face appeared directly in front of him.
“Well, well, finally you’re awake, Tezuka. Quite a slacker we have here. You’ve been sleeping for, say, two days, was it?” the doctor’s apprentice purred.
“Oshitari… what happened?” Tezuka asked curtly.
“That should be our line. Whatever had gotten into you that you let yourself get hit square in the head like that, ahn?” another familiar voice joined and Tezuka turned his head slightly upwards to find an ever-smug face of a certain grey-haired youth of his age.
“You got a large bump on the back of your head, you know,” Oshitari added.
Frowning, Tezuka lifted his left hand and fingered his way through the bandage around his head, and stopped immediately after seeing Oshitari chuckled. Atobe didn’t bother to hide his snort. He didn’t have any bumps on his head. Tezuka lowered his hand and glared daggers at the doctor’s apprentice.
“So, what brings the heir of the Atobe clan here? Do you, by chance, also bumped your head on something?”
“Shut up, Oshitari. I am a respectable member of Shinsengumi. I can be wherever I wish. Besides, I am here to deliver the words of my father to the doctor. Where is he?”
“Sensei is tending to Okita-san right now,” Oshitari answered calmly.
The mention of that name made Tezuka flinch visibly, and this was not missed by his two companions.
“I heard you were hit after seeing Okita-san cough up blood?” Atobe asked though Tezuka knew he needed no confirmation.
Oshitari smiled a bit bitterly. “You were reminded of Fuji, weren’t you?”
Tezuka gave no comment, but his eyes gave away his thoughts.
Sighing, Tezuka stood up from his futon, and was immediately assaulted by a wave of dizziness. He assumed it was because of the hit he had received, and gave no further care of it.
“Where are you going?” Atobe asked once he realized the dark-haired youth’s attempt to leave the sickbay.
Tezuka didn’t answer, but he did spare the two a glance before pacing towards the exit.
“You’ll have two more days off. Get enough rest, okay?” Oshitari added before Tezuka was completely out of the room.
The two boys sighed, and a wistful look crossed between their faces.
“He still doesn’t talk much, eh?” the noble samurai started, as his eyes still fixed on the fusuma.
“Well, not that he was talkative to begin with, but it has worsened since then…”
“And it’s almost a year already…”
* * *
Tezuka walked down the small path leading to a cemetery area within the headquarter complex after changing into his plain black yukata. In his right hand were some flowers he picked in a garden nearby, while his left hand was carrying a bucket of water.
He was walking graciously between the tall tombstones; his eyes directed straight ahead. The afternoon breeze passed him by, playing with the strands of dark brown. He stopped in the middle of the yard, in front of a certain tombstone, and for a split-second, his eyes darkened.
‘Fuji Shuusuke’ was engraved on it.
Tezuka took the ladle and scooped some water from the bucket, before pouring it over the top of the tombstone. He repeated the action several times before finally putting down the water bucket. He placed the flowers in front of the stone and stared longingly at the engraved name. .
‘It’s been almost a year, Shuusuke,’ Tezuka voiced in his head. ‘As you have asked, I’m living until today.’
There was no reply but the rustle of the wind teasing the leaves.
Tezuka sighed again, eyes tracing the neat engraving of Fuji’s name. The grey tombstone stared back at him, as if reminding him the glaring fact that Fuji Shuusuke was dead.
Suddenly feeling annoyed, Tezuka frowned deeper. He knew that Fuji had passed away, and he didn’t need that dull tombstone to remind him that. After a few seconds, though, Tezuka mentally scolded himself for having an imaginary spat with a non-living thing.
Maybe he had hit his head harder than he thought.
Now that he thought about it, his head did kind of hurt, like there was a light pounding inside it. Tezuka squeezed his eyes shut and brought a hand to cradle his throbbing temples.
“Are you alright?” said a familiar voice, and Tezuka slowly opened his eyes. A tall figure with similar plain black yukata stood not far from his right.
“Sanada,” Tezuka nodded his head in greetings.
Sanada stepped closer and passed Tezuka to his left, before stopping in front of a tombstone not far from him. “I heard you got your head hit pretty hard at Ikedaya?” the stern-looking man asked as he poured water on top of a tombstone with ‘Yukimura Seiichi’ engraved on it.
“Ah,” was Tezuka’s curt reply before returning his attention to Fuji’s resting place.
There was a moment of silence while the two of them stood and stared at the tombstones in front of them, drowning in their own thought; conversing with the shadow of those who should have been in heaven.
Sanada then walked a few steps to Fuji’s grave, and said, “If I may, I’d like to offer my prayer to Fuji-kun as well.”
“Sure, thank you,” replied Tezuka as he took a step sideways.
Sanada stood in front of Fuji’s grave with his hands clamped before his chest and closed his eyes. Then, he bent to take his water bucket and was about to leave when he glanced at Tezuka. The expression on the other youth’s face was not really fathomable to Tezuka, but he took it as something close to ‘sympathy’.
“You need to let go of him, Tezuka,” Sanada finally said.
Tezuka’s brows twitched. “Do you mean to forget him?” he snapped with a sharp edge in his tone.
Sanada sighed. “No, it’s different. You shouldn’t forget him since deceased people could only live in one’s heart, but you need to let go to continue living.”
“I am living.” Tezuka retorted.
Sanada gave no more replies. Instead, he stared silently into Tezuka’s hazel eyes. Then, he turned on his heels after a brief, “I’ll be going first.”
Tezuka stood still, watching the retreating back of his companion with a frown. For a split second, he thought he saw a faint figure of a certain blue-haired male with a smile on his face, embracing Sanada’s back before floating upwards and disappearing. Tezuka blinked and shook his head, but he saw nothing unusual. He blamed it on his imagination caused by a trick of light. Then, he reverted his gaze back to Fuji’s tombstone and sighed.
‘I am living, aren’t I, Shuusuke?’
The grey object gave him no response.
* * *
Tezuka never really gave much thought about his life, but there were times he felt like his life was so dull, so empty. He felt incomplete, like there was this missing piece to fill the hole in his heart. Of course, Tezuka knew what was missing; Fuji.
For Tezuka, Fuji was a family, a brother, a rival, a best friend, and more. To put it simply, Fuji was his everything. Tezuka had thought once that the affection he held towards the younger boy was that of a brotherly love. After all, they had grown up together and lived as a family once he was taken in by Fuji Yuusaku.
After the tragedy that had left both of them with only each other, the feeling of affection towards the fair haired youth had grown bigger. At first, Tezuka had thought that it came from his desire to protect his adoptive brother, but there had been times when Tezuka thought what he felt towards the other boy wasn’t that innocent.
After Fuji’s attempt at seppuku-which Tezuka had put a stop to-Fuji had gradually returned to the self he was before the incident, all because he had Tezuka with him. Tezuka too, had finally started to smile, albeit rarely, because he had Fuji by his side. Together, they had emotionally supported each other.
He had never really wanted to have any romantic relationships of any sorts with Fuji. Just having him by his side, being able to protect him and seeing his smile was enough.
And yet Fuji himself had been taken away from him.
Ever since then, Tezuka felt that his own existence was no longer whole.
* * *
It had been weeks since the incident at the Ikedaya inn, and according to Oshitari, the wound on his head had been healed, but sometimes, Tezuka got these occasional headaches. They weren’t bad; just some light pounding on his head but it was nonetheless uncomfortable.
“Probably it’s a post-trauma effect, since your head got hit really hard,” was what the doctor’s apprentice said.
That night, as usual, he had dinner together with the other members. He stared at the meal before him and his appetite grew bigger as he saw grilled eel, his favorite dish.
“Why are you staring at your meal like that, Tezuka-san?” asked Momoshiro, a fellow swordsman on his troop as he peeked curiously on his Tezuka’s meal.
“Nothing. This grilled eel looks good,“ Tezuka replied coolly.
For a second, Momoshiro looked at him with widening eyes, before bursting out in laughter. “Tezuka-san,” he said in the middle of his mirth, “were you attempting a joke? Saying an ordinary grilled fish as a grilled eel… bwahahaha!”
Tezuka blinked and almost immediately, he looked back to his meal… and blinked again. He was sure he had seen grilled eel before, but in front of him now, sat innocently a grilled fish.
“I didn’t know you were capable of jokes, Tezuka-san!” said Momoshiro, still laughing.
Tezuka gave no reply, and stared at the dish that had changed forms magically before his eyes. He felt a headache coming, and he lost his appetite.
* * *
It was an uneventful night. Tezuka was on patrol duty and he strolled down the street. The summer night breeze toyed with his hair, and he closed his eyes for a brief moment, enjoying the gentle wind against his face. When he opened his eyes, he had to blink at the sight of a red maple leaf falling slowly to the grounds.
It was still summer. There was no way a red maple leaf should fall from its branch. Besides, they should still be green. Tezuka looked up then, and saw the flurry of red and orange maple leaves falling down slowly from nowhere, creating beautiful shades of red around him.
And he thought he saw bloods on the grounds.
Tezuka stepped backwards. The redness around him promptly reminded him of that tragic night, where he had lost his master and Fuji Yuuta. The memories of that night swiftly made their way to Tezuka’s mind’s eye, forcing the dark-haired samurai to see once more the scene he had wanted to forget.
The smell of blood drifted to his nose, and Tezuka had to clamp a hand over his mouth to prevent himself from vomiting.
“Tezuka-san!”
Hearing his name called, Tezuka snapped out of his reverie. He weakly turned his head and found Echizen, a new gifted member of the Shinsengumi, heading towards him.
“Are you alright?” the young samurai asked once he caught up with his senior.
Tezuka blinked his eyes and looked around. There were no red maple leaves around, nor was there any blood. Did he just have an illusion? Or was he dreaming while walking?
“Tezuka-san?” Echizen called again while looking worriedly over his rather disoriented companion.
“I’m sorry. I’m alright,” Tezuka answered in a flat tone, trying to calm himself. A cold bead of sweat trailed down his temple, and once again his head throbbed.
“It’s my shift now,” Echizen started, looking at the older boy while trying to hide his concern, “You should go back to the headquarters. I’ll take it from here.”
Feeling the need to rest, Tezuka complied. “I’ll leave the rest to you, then,” he said before walking away.
As he made his way back to the H.Q., Tezuka couldn’t help but muse on what just happened to him. Whether it was a dream or an illusion, it was the first time Tezuka had such reaction upon seeing a pile of maple leaves on the grounds. Sure, autumn had been a harsh season for him and Fuji, for it was the season where they had been left alone in this world, having no one but each other.
Ever since then, he had been through three autumns with Fuji by his side. Probably that was why they could stay strong, because when memories of that night started to get overwhelming, they could lean on each other for comfort.
Summer was about to end, and autumn was just around the corner. Tezuka wondered if he could survive the season this year, without Fuji by his side.
* * *
It had started with light coughing, just as if one had merely caught a cold. Tezuka didn’t really remember exactly when the coughing started, but by the time he realized it, it had been more and more frequent. He had asked about it numerous times, but Fuji would just shrug it off, saying he was probably catching a cold and he would recover in no time. Tezuka couldn’t help but feel something was wrong, since as frail as Fuji may physically seem, he was the type who was actually always healthy.
Aside from the frequent coughing, Tezuka noted, Fuji was as healthy as one might be. He was still an outgoing person who seemed to be friends with all those around him. With his rather twisted sense of humor, Fuji provided entertainment for those around him. Fuji seemed so alive, so bright that Tezuka almost missed the signs of his degrading health.
It was after his 17th birthday that his health seemed to have gradually worsened. Tezuka would sometimes find Fuji coughing up blood, and from then on, Tezuka had become more and more protective towards the smaller boy - some would even say he was over-protective.
“Don’t be so overprotective, Mitsu. I can take care of myself,” had been Fuji’s statement when he started to get annoyed by the older boy’s treatment.
“You’re si… not so healthy,” Tezuka replied coolly.
“Look,” Fuji said again, crossing his arms in front of his chest in annoyance, “I’m perfectly healthy, as you can see. It got a bit colder lately so I cough every once in a while. Don’t make such a big fuss over it, okay?”
Tezuka was silent. ‘The weather is quite hot this summer,’ was what he wanted to say, but he knew better. So, Tezuka settled himself with saying, “I’m still worried.”.
Seeing the look of concern in Tezuka’s eyes, Fuji’s annoyance melted away. He uncrossed his arms and stepped closer to the older boy until they were mere inches away. He smiled wistfully. “I am the one who knows my health best, Mitsu, and I assure you that I am perfectly fine, so don’t worry about me, alright?”
Tezuka knew the stubborn look in Fuji’s eyes, so he said nothing. Instead, he took a step forward, closing the distance between them before gathering the lithe body into his arms. When Fuji questioned his action, Tezuka still said nothing, and tightened his arms instead, as if he didn’t want to let go.
Sure, Fuji knew best his own health.
And Tezuka knew Fuji was lying to him.
* * *
Something was wrong with him. Tezuka noticed that he had been… seeing things a lot lately. Like when he was taking a walk around the river, he saw a really big tuna that should have been deep under the sea instead of the shallow river, or when he saw a beautiful flower garden in the supposedly empty grounds where only weeds grew.
Or that one time when he saw a figure that looks painfully like his mother on an empty corner of the town.
Thinking that he was probably going crazy, Tezuka walked towards the sickbay with a frown adorning his handsome features.
Opening the fusuma, he found Oshitari holding a book while gazing at the falling maple leaves outside.
“The red maple leaves fell on the grounds, as silently as what my heart sounds….” was the first thing he heard upon entering the sickbay.
“For God’s sake, you better stop, Oshitari. You have absolutely zero talent in making haiku. Your lines just now had no beauty injected in them,” another voice chimed in, and Tezuka was too familiar with that smug tone of the speaker.
“How rude,” came the hurtful reply that betrayed the teasing smirk on Oshitari’s face. “And here I was going to make one for you, Atobe-sama” he drawled.
“I have no need for such things,” Atobe replied, a tint of pink faintly coloring his cheek.
“Ahem,” Tezuka cleared his throat. “Can I see the doctor?”
“Oh, Tezuka. You were there? Eavesdropping is not really nice, eh?”
“I wasn’t,” Tezuka scowled.
“What brings you here, then?”
Tezuka sighed. “I need to see the doctor… I think…”
Atobe raised an eyebrow at that, while Oshitari’s face turned a bit more serious. “You think?” asked the doctor’s apprentice. “Is something wrong?”
Tezuka stared at Oshitari for a few seconds, not really sure how he should explain his current conditions. Then, he closed his eyes for a brief moment, before finally said, “I’m having visions.”
TBC
A/N: Sooo… is that a cliffie? It’s originally a (really, really long) oneshot, so I was confused as to where I should cut the story XDD. Next part would be the last so don’t kill me yet!
A DETAILED review would be really much love, but ANY kind of reviews are welcomed, so please tell me what you think, ne? :D