Open On Sunday - Lost
Eight Times Angel Was Lost
BtVS Season 1
Darla had known their dance was over long before he had. He had tried to come back to his family, but killing the innocent wasn't a sport that he found he could partake in any longer.
But it didn't mean that he had changed. Instead he had hid for a hundred years, not having any idea of what he was any longer.
And now he had killed the being who had meant everything to him. With one cruel stroke, he had fatally severed his connection. He would mourn his loss in private even as he fully embraced his new path.
BtVS Season 2
Angel whistled, his step lighter than it had been in decades. Buffy loved him. That knowledge opened up so many wonderful possibilities that he hardly knew where to begin.
Of course, he would take things slow. No sense in rushing, half the fun was in the anticipation. He pictured her lithe body, the openness of her face. He loved that her emotions were there for all to see.
He could hardly wait for nightfall. First order of business was to sincerely thank her for helping him lose that useless soul. She was going to provide him with months of entertainment.
BtVS Season 3
He hadn't wanted to go, but Buffy had insisted that it would be all right. Hadn't he just saved Willow's life? All of them had seen that. And besides, the things that had happened before hadn't been his fault.
When he walked into that library that evening, for the briefest second he thought it would be fine. And then he caught the look of hate on Xander's face. Giles simply refused to look at him at all. But it was Willow's flinch when he brushed by her that let him know that nothing could ever make things right between them.
AtS Season 1
As Angel watched Buffy storm out of the police station, he felt his dreams die.
Painful as it was, he had willingly given up his humanity that he might save her life one day. And even though it had been a knife to the heart, he had always known that she would move on with someone who was able to give her all that he never could.
However, he had never expected that he would tell her that he didn't need her any longer and that she should stay away. When had his pride become more important than his love?
AtS Season 2
Holland Manner's words rung in Angel's ears as he stepped off the elevator. Everywhere he looked, he saw evidence of casual cruelty. People didn't want to be saved, they wanted to wallow in their sins.
What had trying to be a hero ever gotten him except sorrow and pain?
When he saw Darla, he laughed. Finally a sign that he could understand.
There was no point in trying for atonement. It was unattainable. He was good at exactly one thing. Fortunately, it was exactly what the world deserved. He pulled Darla to him, determined to become what he had been.
AtS Season 3
He had been in the exact same position now for hours. His normal habits of breathing, blinking, the occasional twitch weren't in evidence. He did those things to make others comfortable. He no longer cared.
Cordelia sat patiently by his side. He wasn't sure whether to be grateful for her sympathy or yell at her for the same.
Connor had been a miracle. He had never dreamed of such a thing, but the reality filled him with hope that he had never had before. He should have known that the sins of his past would be visited upon his son.
AtS Season 4
Lilah smiled but her eyes were predatory. Angel knew that whatever she claimed, the price was too steep. No matter what she offered, he wasn't buying it.
Until she showed him his son, Connor's despair and desperation so deep that his only way out was to kill himself.
Angel signed every paper she shoved at him, not reading any of them. He had failed Connor in every way possible. His only choice was to allow Wolfram and Hart to create a new life for him and remove Angel completely from the equation. His son would be lost to him forever.
AtS Season 5
For months, he had tried to beat Wolfram and Hart at their own game, playing by their rules. And now Cordelia and Fred were dead.
He understood now that permanently beating them was not an option. But if he and his team took out the emissaries they currently used to spread their poison, then maybe others would be inspired to make a difference.
He had lost so much over the years. Losing his life in this battle seemed a certainty. But Cordelia's final vision made it clear that this was the path the Powers wanted him on. He was ready.