Random response to Readercon posts at Scalzi's site, etc.

[a_d_medievalist]

I was commenting herebut it was tl;dr. But it's my thoughts, and it's my LJ, so I thought I'd put it here. It's public, and I'm reserving the right to hide or delete if people who don't know me well enough to assume I'm not a total idiot start making assumptions or calling in the dog-piles.

Comments

[daveon]

Came here via Scalzi, seen you elsewhere - hi!

So... generally speaking yes. But I think there is still room for creepy people to do creepy things that transcend the point of a No. Weird footrubs not withstanding.

Mostly, I think that there is some wiggle room but men are behoven, because of the power imbalance thing to be aware that you can be freekin' scary just by being.

That said, I am minded of a misunderstanding along the lines that you mention can happen on both sides, but I'll post that on my LJ.

[a_d_medievalist]

Hi! And yes, your "mostly" point is crucial.

I should probably have added something like, "What you're doing/the way you are looking at me makes me uncomfortable/crosses my boundaries" also means "Stop doing that thing."

Practically speaking, people (usually women) who find themselves subjected to such invasions of personal space should probably keep an eye out on how the person interacts with others, and also get friends to observe. I'm more comfortable and willing, for example, to tell a man who stands too close or touches me when he speaks to me to watch my space if I see that it's not particular to me. I'm also more less likely to be on guard, because I can see that it's two different ideas of personal space at work. On the other hand, if it is a creeper, then letting friends know that someone makes you a bit uncomfortable is the best way of not only being able to document if there's an escalation, but also raising the probability of documenting serial occurrences of similarly bad behavior.