4 AM forever
rating: nc-17
pairings: jin/j-hope, mentions of other pairings
wc: 2.7k
i started this a million years ago so the characterization is way off from how i'd write them now but eh. rated mostly for a lot of blatant discussion of sex and not so much actual sex, oops.
Seokjin wonders what it's called when you're straight and wishing you were gay. Yoongi would say "desperate," which is why Seokjin doesn't ask him. Just because he's right doesn't mean he needs to be told so.
They don't have a dating ban, but that doesn't make things all that much easier than if they did. He's not really sure what he was expecting going into this -- maybe he'd been hoping that he'd be far too busy being popular and successful to ever feel lonely or horny. At the very least, he should've had a bunch of other guys to share in the same misery.
(There's an English saying that Namjoon explained to him once, when you assume blah blah something something -- Seokjin can't remember exactly how it goes, but he'd understood the gist of it and he's pretty sure it applies here.)
The realization wasn't so much surprising as it was disappointing. Sure, Yoongi is actually gay and Jimin is at that point in his youth where he'd fuck anything with two legs and a pulse, but sometimes Seokjin can't help but wonder if maybe it's just him. Maybe he's the weird one, because god knows he's awkward enough when it comes to everything else. It's not even like he doesn't think his members aren't attractive, or that he hasn't tried to be interested. For a while he thought Taehyung might have been hitting on him in his own 4D way, with all the weird looks and barging into the bathroom with him and everything, right up until he got that big, judgmental frown the one time Seokjin experimentally tried to shove his tongue down his throat in the shower.
He found out shortly after that Taehyung doesn't masturbate, and the concept of sexual frustration is apparently nonexistent on his home planet.
He tries not to dwell on it too much. After all, they are busy, and Seokjin can't remember ever being more exhausted in his life. Really, he should be nothing but thankful that he's already achieved his dream at age twenty. If he wanted to get laid so badly, he should've just stayed a regular person.
These are the things Seokjin tells himself as he leans half-awake against the wall, waiting for his turn in the bathroom and pretending he doesn't know Jimin is blowing Jeongguk against the sink.
"He's so cute though, you know?"
"I know," Hoseok says, eyes sparkling. He helped Seokjin cook tonight, so they're sitting on Jeongguk's bed while the dongsaengs clean up the dishes and table. "He tries to get in the shower with me too."
"I tried imagining it again, yesterday." Seokjin makes a loose up-and-down motion with his fist. "I just... it kinda. Died."
Hoseok makes a very unbecoming sound through his nose.
"It's fucking frustrating!" Seokjin groans, hugging one of Jeongguk's stuffed animals to his chest. Hoseok grabs the pillow and boffs him over the head with it.
"Hyung, calm down. You're thinking about it way too hard," he says, and Seokjin can't help snorting despite himself. He's not exactly sure when or how he started talking to Hoseok about his lack of a sex life, but he does know it's because Hoseok is genuinely nice and understanding and completely nonjudgmental, and they're close enough in age that Seokjin doesn't feel like he's talking to a fetus, even though he knows this kind of thing is Jimin's favorite topic after dancing and what's for dinner.
"I don't understand why you're so hung up on this," Hoseok continues. "Like, I get it? But you can't help who you wanna bang. You don't see Yoongi-hyung all bothered about not liking tacos."
Seokjin makes a face. They all listen to American music, but somehow Namjoon and Hoseok are the only ones who seem to pick up such questionable vocabulary. "That's because we're surrounded by dick. Of course he's not gonna complain."
"Yeah, but it's not like he's gettin' any. You should've seen Namjoonie when we were in the studio the other day, poor guy." Hoseok shakes his head sympathetically, but he's still grinning. "Hyung's not even subtle about it either. Like, grease so thick you could fry pajeon. Namjoon looked like he was having a seizure, he was stuttering so hard."
"But he likes Yoongi," Seokjin sighs. They all know Namjoon likes Yoongi. Namjoon seems to be the only one left who doesn't know, with how damn wishy-washy he is about anything not directly related to hip hop. "They're gonna hook up eventually."
Hoseok gives him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. "Don't worry, Jin-ah. I'll keep you company on the lonely island of heterosexuality."
Seokjin grabs the pillow and hits him back.
Hoseok dated a very nice girl back in Gwangju. Seokjin knows this because Hoseok tells him about it one night while they're watching porn on his laptop after everyone else is asleep. He also knows Hoseok likes giving head more than he likes getting it, just like Hoseok knows that Seokjin's flexible enough at the waist that he's tried (and failed at) sucking himself off before.
They sneak alcohol one night after everyone else is asleep, soju leftover from Seokjin's massive pot of chicken tits fallen and drowning in chili paste. It's just a few shots each, enough to get buzzed but not so much that they risk being hung over, because they still have practice in the morning.
The dorm is quiet as they sit knee to knee in the corner on the kitchen floor, partial wall blocking them from line of sight of the bedroom, just in case. They talk in low, slightly slurred tones about their ideal types -- not the nice-smile-long-hair-good-to-her-parents ideal types they've crafted for interviews, although none of that isn't true, but also girls with tongue piercings who swallow when they suck cock, girls who wear Hello Kitty panties and know all the words to A$AP Rocky's "Goldie."
"I want-- I think it'd be nice to have someone, a girl, to share a cigarette with."
Hoseok stops sucking air, trying to form a seal with the plastic cup over his mouth. It pulls away with a pop. "Whoa, you smoke?"
"Not anymore," Seokjin says quickly. He knows Hoseok wouldn't care either way, but somehow it's a more shameful admission than any of the sex stuff, even if it's already in the past. "Just occa-- oclassionlal-- fuck." He runs his dry, sour tongue over his lips and tries again, ignoring the way Hoseok grins and nudges him with his leg. Seokjin almost never swears. "Just once in a while, when I was out with friends or whatever. There was this one girl who was really good at smoke rings. It was pretty hot. She'd shotgun with me sometimes." He glances up. "You ever?"
Hoseok shakes his head. "'Cause of dancin'," he says. His satoori is in full force right now. "That's cool though. I bet you looked real cool doin' it."
Seokjin shrugs. "It's not bad. I mean, it is, it's bad for you, but... it's kind of romantic. Two people sharing a cigarette on a balcony at night."
"Or smoking after sex. S'what they always do in movies, ain't it?" Hoseok stares contemplatively into the depths of the cup, turning it in his hands. "If it's like that, I might try it. Might be nice."
Seokjin nods. "You'd look cool doing it," he mumbles, just a bit too inebriated to notice that under the allergic red warmth splotching up his skin, he's actually blushing a little, imagining Hoseok's lips with a cigarette between them.
The soju gradually disappears faster than there are recipes to use it in. Seokjin likes these odd hours with Hoseok best. He's not sure why, but there's something about listening to the Hoseok's Jeolla-do drawl as he talks about his ex-girlfriend that, even if it does nothing for the state of his boner, makes Seokjin feel a little less desperate. It makes him think that maybe, if he could like guys...
"He kissed him, y'know."
Seokjin blinks. The two blurry Hoseoks in front of him turn back into one, slightly less blurry Hoseok. "Who, Yoongi?"
Singular Hoseok takes the bottle from his hand. "Nah. I mean, yeah, Yoongi-hyung. But, like, Namjoon kissed him." He takes a straight pull and grimaces. There didn't seem like enough left that they felt like bothering with cups.
"Shuuut up," Seokjin slurs. Neither of them, it turns out, is very good at estimating volume.
"'M serious. Hyung freaked."
"But. I thought…" Seokjin waves his hands around in random gestures meant to convey the last known status quo of Yoongi and Namjoon. Hoseok seems to understand this and nods in affirmation.
"I know," he says. "But, like… you know hyung's so anal about stuff, so I think he wasn't ready for it? Like, I dunno, I think he had this whole plan in his head and then Namjoonie went'n fucked it up by actually growin' a pair. 'S actually pretty cute."
Seokjin snorts quietly. "So, what, are they dating now?"
"Dunno," Hoseok yawns. His back cracks audibly as he straightens up from how he's been sitting slouched half on the floor for the last hour. Seokjin follows his gaze as he squints up at the numbers on the microwave -- it's either 4:39 or 4:89 AM. Either way, he's suddenly aware how numb his ass is.
Another yawn, then Hoseok pushes himself off the floor and offers a hand. "I downloaded a new bukkake video earlier. Wanna watch?"
"Yeah," Seokjin agrees, stumbling to his feet even with Hoseok's support. It vaguely occurs to him that they really, really ought to sleep, but spending more time with Hoseok seems like a much better option to his drunk, tired, horny brain, so he follows him unsteadily over to the couch.
Halfway through the video, when the red haired girl is snowballing the first round of spunk into the girl with the lip ring's open mouth, Seokjin, without looking away from the screen, tells Hoseok, "I'd kiss you. You know, if I liked guys. I'd kiss you."
Hoseok just smiles and doesn't say anything.
They decide to stay in one evening after a fan meet while the rest of the members go with their manager to Dongdaemun for a late dinner. Yoongi is there too (and he throws a shoe at Jeongguk when the maknae makes some wisecrack about old people), but he falls asleep on one end of the couch less than twenty minutes into the movie they put on.
Seokjin isn't really paying attention either -- he has his feet in Hoseok's lap while the other boy plays absently with his clammy, recently-showered toes, and he finds himself far more focused on counting Hoseok's eyelashes than on Iron Man fighting Thor fighting Captain America. His hair clings damply to his forehead and his waterline is still smudged with liner, messy and somehow girlish. He thinks it's funny -- they call him the mom, but there's really not much about Hoseok that could be considered feminine. Maybe if he had soft, pale skin like Yoongi, or Namjoon's small face and delicate wrists that are almost scarily suited for cross dressing.
Hoseok's wrists aren't delicate -- they're bony and heavy-looking and his fingers are long enough to wrap all the way around Seokjin's ankle, thumb stroking the base of his calf.
(And maybe, maybe he isn't so surprised when Hoseok's mouth finds his a moment later -- Hoseok is straight too, so Seokjin is okay with it when he slides warm palms up and between his thighs.)
They end up in Hoseok's bed with Hoseok on top. Seokjin doesn't remember taking off his clothes, but his cock rests half-hard against his stomach and he closes his eyes as Hoseok's tongue slides hot and wet against his ear. Seokjin's hands fumble at the sheets, at Hoseok's hips, sick with the trepidation of running his fingers blindly along the edge of a knife -- he never realized until now how everything about the dancer is sharp, sharp cheekbones and sharp eyes and sharp joints and he's moving so, so slowly, muffling Seokjin's bitten off moans and replacing them with the same concerned tone he uses whenever Namjoon gets caught up in his lyrics and forgets to eat.
"We can stop if you want. It's okay."
He says it while fisting Seokjin's cock, sweat beading in the hollow of his chest.
They don't stop. Instead, Seokjin touches Hoseok with shaking hands through the gap in the front of his boxers, presses his thumb against the wet tip, feeling it twitch as Hoseok swears quietly before he shoves his tongue back into Seokjin's mouth. They jerk each other roughly, and he comes warm and embarrassingly fast, head arched back against the pillow, teeth bared as he spills onto his stomach and Hoseok's hand.
"Fuck, Hoseok, s-- ah--" He chokes around a whimper, reflexively trying to curl in on himself as Hoseok strokes him into oversensitive aftershocks that feel more painful than good. "Fuck, stop, stop."
Later, he'll tell himself that he didn't mean to push Hoseok as hard as he does.
Hoseok is still half-hard when he gets up from the bed, and Seokjin hears the shower go on a moment later. He lies quietly, cum turning tacky on his skin as he smears it with his fingers, straining to see if he can hear him jacking off. The back of his throat tastes like salt and acid, and he pretends to be asleep by the time Hoseok comes back into the room, still naked but with the sheets pulled up over his shoulders and his back towards the door.
He struggles to keep his breathing slow and even as Hoseok pauses by the bed, unsure what to call the nauseating mix of relief and self-loathing in his chest when he no longer feels body heat, the sound of the TV coming on a moment later.
"Hey."
Seokjin freezes with his hand on the handle of the bathroom door, willing his heart to keep beating as he slowly turns to face Hoseok. It's been over a week and he's been careful to not be alone with him the entire time, which hasn't been all that difficult because Hoseok has been giving him space on purpose too. They don't talk except during schedules, when they have to, when the cameras are on, although Seokjin catches Hoseok glancing in his direction every so often and he knows he's distracted, to the point where he hadn't even nagged Taehyung when the younger boy tried to eat some leftover jajangmyun he found mysteriously abandoned on the photoshoot set. Luckily, Namjoon caught him before he ended up spending another two hour stint on the toilet.
If anyone has noticed, no one has said anything -- Hoseok is good at pretending, and Seokjin is quiet and awkward anyway, so it's not like anyone would think anything of it if he's quiet and awkward for entirely different reasons than usual.
In the living room, he can hear Jeongguk and Yoongi teaming up to terrorize Jimin. From the kitchen table, Taehyung briefly catches his gaze past Hoseok's shoulder, giving him that tight-lipped, maybe-judging-maybe-contemplating-the-square-root-of-pants look, and for a second Seokjin thinks he has a lifeline, until the alien goes back to the video game clutched in his hands.
In front of him, Hoseok opens his mouth, then closes it. Seokjin's not sure if it's because he didn't actually plan out what he wanted to say, or he's not sure how to say it. Either way, the guilt makes Seokjin's throat tight, how they suddenly don't know how to talk to each other.
In the end, Hoseok just asks quietly, "Are we okay?"
And Seokjin starts to smile. He wants them to be okay. He wants them to be okay so they can go back to hard kitchen floors and hazy numbers on the microwave -- wants to talk about girls and American music and debating the finer points of amateur sex tapes. It'd be easy. He knows Hoseok wouldn't hold anything against him.
But Seokjin's neck is hot and his mouth tastes inexplicably like soju, and he remembers waking up the morning after and seeing Hoseok passed out on opposite end of the couch from Yoongi, and then turning the shower on full blast to cover his dry-wretching. He remembers the feeling of hands moving far too slow, and suddenly his insides feel sick all over again.
He doesn't know why he's still smiling when he finally brings himself to meet Hoseok's eyes.
"No," he says. "We're not okay."
pairings: jin/j-hope, mentions of other pairings
wc: 2.7k
i started this a million years ago so the characterization is way off from how i'd write them now but eh. rated mostly for a lot of blatant discussion of sex and not so much actual sex, oops.
Seokjin wonders what it's called when you're straight and wishing you were gay. Yoongi would say "desperate," which is why Seokjin doesn't ask him. Just because he's right doesn't mean he needs to be told so.
They don't have a dating ban, but that doesn't make things all that much easier than if they did. He's not really sure what he was expecting going into this -- maybe he'd been hoping that he'd be far too busy being popular and successful to ever feel lonely or horny. At the very least, he should've had a bunch of other guys to share in the same misery.
(There's an English saying that Namjoon explained to him once, when you assume blah blah something something -- Seokjin can't remember exactly how it goes, but he'd understood the gist of it and he's pretty sure it applies here.)
The realization wasn't so much surprising as it was disappointing. Sure, Yoongi is actually gay and Jimin is at that point in his youth where he'd fuck anything with two legs and a pulse, but sometimes Seokjin can't help but wonder if maybe it's just him. Maybe he's the weird one, because god knows he's awkward enough when it comes to everything else. It's not even like he doesn't think his members aren't attractive, or that he hasn't tried to be interested. For a while he thought Taehyung might have been hitting on him in his own 4D way, with all the weird looks and barging into the bathroom with him and everything, right up until he got that big, judgmental frown the one time Seokjin experimentally tried to shove his tongue down his throat in the shower.
He found out shortly after that Taehyung doesn't masturbate, and the concept of sexual frustration is apparently nonexistent on his home planet.
He tries not to dwell on it too much. After all, they are busy, and Seokjin can't remember ever being more exhausted in his life. Really, he should be nothing but thankful that he's already achieved his dream at age twenty. If he wanted to get laid so badly, he should've just stayed a regular person.
These are the things Seokjin tells himself as he leans half-awake against the wall, waiting for his turn in the bathroom and pretending he doesn't know Jimin is blowing Jeongguk against the sink.
"He's so cute though, you know?"
"I know," Hoseok says, eyes sparkling. He helped Seokjin cook tonight, so they're sitting on Jeongguk's bed while the dongsaengs clean up the dishes and table. "He tries to get in the shower with me too."
"I tried imagining it again, yesterday." Seokjin makes a loose up-and-down motion with his fist. "I just... it kinda. Died."
Hoseok makes a very unbecoming sound through his nose.
"It's fucking frustrating!" Seokjin groans, hugging one of Jeongguk's stuffed animals to his chest. Hoseok grabs the pillow and boffs him over the head with it.
"Hyung, calm down. You're thinking about it way too hard," he says, and Seokjin can't help snorting despite himself. He's not exactly sure when or how he started talking to Hoseok about his lack of a sex life, but he does know it's because Hoseok is genuinely nice and understanding and completely nonjudgmental, and they're close enough in age that Seokjin doesn't feel like he's talking to a fetus, even though he knows this kind of thing is Jimin's favorite topic after dancing and what's for dinner.
"I don't understand why you're so hung up on this," Hoseok continues. "Like, I get it? But you can't help who you wanna bang. You don't see Yoongi-hyung all bothered about not liking tacos."
Seokjin makes a face. They all listen to American music, but somehow Namjoon and Hoseok are the only ones who seem to pick up such questionable vocabulary. "That's because we're surrounded by dick. Of course he's not gonna complain."
"Yeah, but it's not like he's gettin' any. You should've seen Namjoonie when we were in the studio the other day, poor guy." Hoseok shakes his head sympathetically, but he's still grinning. "Hyung's not even subtle about it either. Like, grease so thick you could fry pajeon. Namjoon looked like he was having a seizure, he was stuttering so hard."
"But he likes Yoongi," Seokjin sighs. They all know Namjoon likes Yoongi. Namjoon seems to be the only one left who doesn't know, with how damn wishy-washy he is about anything not directly related to hip hop. "They're gonna hook up eventually."
Hoseok gives him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. "Don't worry, Jin-ah. I'll keep you company on the lonely island of heterosexuality."
Seokjin grabs the pillow and hits him back.
Hoseok dated a very nice girl back in Gwangju. Seokjin knows this because Hoseok tells him about it one night while they're watching porn on his laptop after everyone else is asleep. He also knows Hoseok likes giving head more than he likes getting it, just like Hoseok knows that Seokjin's flexible enough at the waist that he's tried (and failed at) sucking himself off before.
They sneak alcohol one night after everyone else is asleep, soju leftover from Seokjin's massive pot of chicken tits fallen and drowning in chili paste. It's just a few shots each, enough to get buzzed but not so much that they risk being hung over, because they still have practice in the morning.
The dorm is quiet as they sit knee to knee in the corner on the kitchen floor, partial wall blocking them from line of sight of the bedroom, just in case. They talk in low, slightly slurred tones about their ideal types -- not the nice-smile-long-hair-good-to-her-parents ideal types they've crafted for interviews, although none of that isn't true, but also girls with tongue piercings who swallow when they suck cock, girls who wear Hello Kitty panties and know all the words to A$AP Rocky's "Goldie."
"I want-- I think it'd be nice to have someone, a girl, to share a cigarette with."
Hoseok stops sucking air, trying to form a seal with the plastic cup over his mouth. It pulls away with a pop. "Whoa, you smoke?"
"Not anymore," Seokjin says quickly. He knows Hoseok wouldn't care either way, but somehow it's a more shameful admission than any of the sex stuff, even if it's already in the past. "Just occa-- oclassionlal-- fuck." He runs his dry, sour tongue over his lips and tries again, ignoring the way Hoseok grins and nudges him with his leg. Seokjin almost never swears. "Just once in a while, when I was out with friends or whatever. There was this one girl who was really good at smoke rings. It was pretty hot. She'd shotgun with me sometimes." He glances up. "You ever?"
Hoseok shakes his head. "'Cause of dancin'," he says. His satoori is in full force right now. "That's cool though. I bet you looked real cool doin' it."
Seokjin shrugs. "It's not bad. I mean, it is, it's bad for you, but... it's kind of romantic. Two people sharing a cigarette on a balcony at night."
"Or smoking after sex. S'what they always do in movies, ain't it?" Hoseok stares contemplatively into the depths of the cup, turning it in his hands. "If it's like that, I might try it. Might be nice."
Seokjin nods. "You'd look cool doing it," he mumbles, just a bit too inebriated to notice that under the allergic red warmth splotching up his skin, he's actually blushing a little, imagining Hoseok's lips with a cigarette between them.
The soju gradually disappears faster than there are recipes to use it in. Seokjin likes these odd hours with Hoseok best. He's not sure why, but there's something about listening to the Hoseok's Jeolla-do drawl as he talks about his ex-girlfriend that, even if it does nothing for the state of his boner, makes Seokjin feel a little less desperate. It makes him think that maybe, if he could like guys...
"He kissed him, y'know."
Seokjin blinks. The two blurry Hoseoks in front of him turn back into one, slightly less blurry Hoseok. "Who, Yoongi?"
Singular Hoseok takes the bottle from his hand. "Nah. I mean, yeah, Yoongi-hyung. But, like, Namjoon kissed him." He takes a straight pull and grimaces. There didn't seem like enough left that they felt like bothering with cups.
"Shuuut up," Seokjin slurs. Neither of them, it turns out, is very good at estimating volume.
"'M serious. Hyung freaked."
"But. I thought…" Seokjin waves his hands around in random gestures meant to convey the last known status quo of Yoongi and Namjoon. Hoseok seems to understand this and nods in affirmation.
"I know," he says. "But, like… you know hyung's so anal about stuff, so I think he wasn't ready for it? Like, I dunno, I think he had this whole plan in his head and then Namjoonie went'n fucked it up by actually growin' a pair. 'S actually pretty cute."
Seokjin snorts quietly. "So, what, are they dating now?"
"Dunno," Hoseok yawns. His back cracks audibly as he straightens up from how he's been sitting slouched half on the floor for the last hour. Seokjin follows his gaze as he squints up at the numbers on the microwave -- it's either 4:39 or 4:89 AM. Either way, he's suddenly aware how numb his ass is.
Another yawn, then Hoseok pushes himself off the floor and offers a hand. "I downloaded a new bukkake video earlier. Wanna watch?"
"Yeah," Seokjin agrees, stumbling to his feet even with Hoseok's support. It vaguely occurs to him that they really, really ought to sleep, but spending more time with Hoseok seems like a much better option to his drunk, tired, horny brain, so he follows him unsteadily over to the couch.
Halfway through the video, when the red haired girl is snowballing the first round of spunk into the girl with the lip ring's open mouth, Seokjin, without looking away from the screen, tells Hoseok, "I'd kiss you. You know, if I liked guys. I'd kiss you."
Hoseok just smiles and doesn't say anything.
They decide to stay in one evening after a fan meet while the rest of the members go with their manager to Dongdaemun for a late dinner. Yoongi is there too (and he throws a shoe at Jeongguk when the maknae makes some wisecrack about old people), but he falls asleep on one end of the couch less than twenty minutes into the movie they put on.
Seokjin isn't really paying attention either -- he has his feet in Hoseok's lap while the other boy plays absently with his clammy, recently-showered toes, and he finds himself far more focused on counting Hoseok's eyelashes than on Iron Man fighting Thor fighting Captain America. His hair clings damply to his forehead and his waterline is still smudged with liner, messy and somehow girlish. He thinks it's funny -- they call him the mom, but there's really not much about Hoseok that could be considered feminine. Maybe if he had soft, pale skin like Yoongi, or Namjoon's small face and delicate wrists that are almost scarily suited for cross dressing.
Hoseok's wrists aren't delicate -- they're bony and heavy-looking and his fingers are long enough to wrap all the way around Seokjin's ankle, thumb stroking the base of his calf.
(And maybe, maybe he isn't so surprised when Hoseok's mouth finds his a moment later -- Hoseok is straight too, so Seokjin is okay with it when he slides warm palms up and between his thighs.)
They end up in Hoseok's bed with Hoseok on top. Seokjin doesn't remember taking off his clothes, but his cock rests half-hard against his stomach and he closes his eyes as Hoseok's tongue slides hot and wet against his ear. Seokjin's hands fumble at the sheets, at Hoseok's hips, sick with the trepidation of running his fingers blindly along the edge of a knife -- he never realized until now how everything about the dancer is sharp, sharp cheekbones and sharp eyes and sharp joints and he's moving so, so slowly, muffling Seokjin's bitten off moans and replacing them with the same concerned tone he uses whenever Namjoon gets caught up in his lyrics and forgets to eat.
"We can stop if you want. It's okay."
He says it while fisting Seokjin's cock, sweat beading in the hollow of his chest.
They don't stop. Instead, Seokjin touches Hoseok with shaking hands through the gap in the front of his boxers, presses his thumb against the wet tip, feeling it twitch as Hoseok swears quietly before he shoves his tongue back into Seokjin's mouth. They jerk each other roughly, and he comes warm and embarrassingly fast, head arched back against the pillow, teeth bared as he spills onto his stomach and Hoseok's hand.
"Fuck, Hoseok, s-- ah--" He chokes around a whimper, reflexively trying to curl in on himself as Hoseok strokes him into oversensitive aftershocks that feel more painful than good. "Fuck, stop, stop."
Later, he'll tell himself that he didn't mean to push Hoseok as hard as he does.
Hoseok is still half-hard when he gets up from the bed, and Seokjin hears the shower go on a moment later. He lies quietly, cum turning tacky on his skin as he smears it with his fingers, straining to see if he can hear him jacking off. The back of his throat tastes like salt and acid, and he pretends to be asleep by the time Hoseok comes back into the room, still naked but with the sheets pulled up over his shoulders and his back towards the door.
He struggles to keep his breathing slow and even as Hoseok pauses by the bed, unsure what to call the nauseating mix of relief and self-loathing in his chest when he no longer feels body heat, the sound of the TV coming on a moment later.
"Hey."
Seokjin freezes with his hand on the handle of the bathroom door, willing his heart to keep beating as he slowly turns to face Hoseok. It's been over a week and he's been careful to not be alone with him the entire time, which hasn't been all that difficult because Hoseok has been giving him space on purpose too. They don't talk except during schedules, when they have to, when the cameras are on, although Seokjin catches Hoseok glancing in his direction every so often and he knows he's distracted, to the point where he hadn't even nagged Taehyung when the younger boy tried to eat some leftover jajangmyun he found mysteriously abandoned on the photoshoot set. Luckily, Namjoon caught him before he ended up spending another two hour stint on the toilet.
If anyone has noticed, no one has said anything -- Hoseok is good at pretending, and Seokjin is quiet and awkward anyway, so it's not like anyone would think anything of it if he's quiet and awkward for entirely different reasons than usual.
In the living room, he can hear Jeongguk and Yoongi teaming up to terrorize Jimin. From the kitchen table, Taehyung briefly catches his gaze past Hoseok's shoulder, giving him that tight-lipped, maybe-judging-maybe-contemplating-the-square-root-of-pants look, and for a second Seokjin thinks he has a lifeline, until the alien goes back to the video game clutched in his hands.
In front of him, Hoseok opens his mouth, then closes it. Seokjin's not sure if it's because he didn't actually plan out what he wanted to say, or he's not sure how to say it. Either way, the guilt makes Seokjin's throat tight, how they suddenly don't know how to talk to each other.
In the end, Hoseok just asks quietly, "Are we okay?"
And Seokjin starts to smile. He wants them to be okay. He wants them to be okay so they can go back to hard kitchen floors and hazy numbers on the microwave -- wants to talk about girls and American music and debating the finer points of amateur sex tapes. It'd be easy. He knows Hoseok wouldn't hold anything against him.
But Seokjin's neck is hot and his mouth tastes inexplicably like soju, and he remembers waking up the morning after and seeing Hoseok passed out on opposite end of the couch from Yoongi, and then turning the shower on full blast to cover his dry-wretching. He remembers the feeling of hands moving far too slow, and suddenly his insides feel sick all over again.
He doesn't know why he's still smiling when he finally brings himself to meet Hoseok's eyes.
"No," he says. "We're not okay."