2018 Recap Meme
Ooo-wee, it's that time of year again
2018 Recap Meme
Holidays
Where did you begin 2018?
At Rob's house party
What was your status by Valentine's Day?
Someone's wife, someone's girlfriend, and someone's date
Any July 4th celebrations?
Mitchell and I were in Portland! We went down to Sellwood Riverfront Park, which is one of my favorite places in the world, and drank beer and sat by the river and watched the people and the dogs and the boats. Then we went back early, and he wasn't feeling social, so I walked hella far to get to the bridge to watch the fireworks, and I arrived just in time. People had been standing out there for hours, and I only had to stand for half an hour and I saw the whole thing.
Where did you go on vacation?
In May, Mitchell and I went to London for two weeks, first for a business trip and second for a quick vacation slash wedding. My cousin Ellen got married in Bristol, so we stayed in a hotel in London for a few days and did touristy things, and then we took the train out to meet the family. We stayed in 4 different hotels in 2 weeks.
We also went back to Portland as kind of a do-over trip because my busted foot last year and the heatwave made it a little harder to enjoy. As I said, we went over the July 4 week, and we stayed in a little Airbnb and drank beer.
What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 31, and I had a small house party where I brainstormed my #ThirtyFirsts list (31 things to do while I'm 31). Who knows if I'll actually do them.
What were you for Halloween?
Eh, not much. I bought a panda onesie and wore that. I was going to be a trash panda but I got too lazy to carry the trash can around. I also did a last minute cat lady costume where I stuck a bunch of stuffed animal cats to my bathrobe and looked crazy. I was also going to be "A Mouse, Duh!" for Andrew's Halloween party, but Mitchell got sick literally just as we were about to call the Lyft and we ended up not going.
Who did you spend Thanksgiving with?
Jeremy, Hunter, Hunter's girlfriend, and Mitchell. We did it at our place again and I made the turkey. It's probably Jeremy's last Thanksgiving with us, since he's moving to New York :(
How did you spend Christmas?
My parents came to stay with us! They were here for 5 nights I think, and they stayed in our guest room. It was the first time I've hosted Christmas and the first time they've stayed at my place.
What has been your favorite moment(s)?
See these recap memes are biased towards the end of the year because I can't bloody remember the beginning of the year. But I have really enjoyed both times that I went to London. The first time was awesome because I actually got to spend time there not working. And the second time was awesome because I had a lovely day in Camden Town on my one day off, and on my last day I went to the Holiday Party with all the folks from the London office, and I had just such an incredible time with them. I was pissed drunk and dancing and singing and I loved every moment of it.
What was your best month?
...May I think? That was the London trip, and that was when the voices I worked on finally launched and Sundar announced them at the I/O keynote speech and I felt like I was the king of the fucking world. Work was actually good then; May was right before work got shitty. Honestly releasing those voices was one of the coolest things ever. I had no idea if we'd pull it off and it was such a relief when we did.
What dates from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 6(?): I/O and the release of the 6 new en-US voices that I worked on
November 27: The day my parents moved out of my childhood home
And uhh
Not really anything else
2018 was memorable in really terrible ways, politically, and I remember events/feelings/long stretches of political agony rather than particular dates
Tell me one random memory from each month
January: Going bird watching with a bunch of people from my team on Kevin's last day and learning what a bird nerd he is
February: Putting a bunch of cat pictures from our cat calendar on the wall so now our upstairs hallway is covered in kitties!
March: When Rado brought in her fluffy kitty to work and everyone went outside to pet it. His name is King Cyrus.
April: Watching Wrestlemania at Rob's house
May: Going to Whitstable with Mitchell, Linda, Kirsty, and Kirsty's boyfriend Steve; having a lovely day at the beach and then almost not being able to get back to London because the train was too packed
June: CORGICON PART 2: THE RECORGONING. I went to SF and slept over at Morgan's house, and the night before we all went out for beers, and then we went to Corgi Con the next day and pet SO MANY DOGS
July: Search offsite to Squaw Valley!! Yosemite was burning three hours away so the whole air was filled with smoke the first day, whoops. I wasn't feeling very social that whole trip so I didn't party like I thought I would, but it was beautiful and it was lovely to hang out with work people.
August: David Byrne concert with Evan and Morgan! Such an amazing show, as always.
September: TTS Research Summit in Mountain View. Got to see the London folks, meet a bunch of people working on TTS on other teams, and do a boozy cooking class with them
October: I made a box. It was my second woodworking class. My first was in September, but I already did September, so there.
November: The Camp Fire burned down the entire town of Paradise and the Bay Area had Unhealthy-level air quality for literally two weeks straight, and all the stores ran out of smoke masks.
December: Going on a date night with Andy and renting a hotel room and I got extremely drunk and we had a lot of sex
Events
Were you in school (anytime this year)?
No, and I probably am not ever going to be, so this question is probably obsolete now
Did you have to go to the hospital?
I went to urgent care in January because there was a flu going around that was literally killing people and even affecting people who had gotten the flu shot, and they said if you had any signs you should go see a doctor, and one night I got the worst headache I'd ever experienced not in a plane, so I went to urgent care and it was super full, and then the doctor dismissed me after 5 minutes because I didn't have the flu. Oh well.
Did you have any encounters with the police?
Nope
What did you purchase that was over $500?
Plane tickets and hotel tickets! As always
Did you move anywhere?
Nope
What sporting events did you attend?
I almost went to a Warriors game with my team but then I got super super sick
Favorite night out?
Holiday party in London!!!!
I also really enjoyed Andrew's party earlier in the year. I don't remember what it was for. I had never met him in person and I didn't know anyone else at the party, but I fit right in and the people were cool and there was loads of alcohol. I'm going to another one of his party's tonight, assuming I don't get sick before (I am possibly getting sick but I'm trying hard to fight it off).
Have any life changes in 2018?
Didn't get promo, hah. I'm still bitter about that. I guess the life change is realizing how fucked up the promo process is because [redacted -- I'm not actually allowed to write it -- but it's fucked up for reasons beyond "I wanted it and didn't get it"].
Change your hairstyle?
No haha I don't think I got it cut once this year
Have any car accidents?
No, but Mitchell got rear-ended a few week's ago. He's okay, the car is a little messed up but it was messed up before
Buy a new car?
Nope
New BF/GF?
Eh no, I was dating Rob at the beginning of the year but that didn't work out
Get a new job?
Nope
Do anything embarrassing?
Not exactly embarrassing but apparently Wael and I took a drunken video together (well, I was drunk, he wasn't) at the holiday party and pinged it to Eileen on her work account, and the next morning we were texting she was like "I loved the video" and I had NO MEMORY OF TAKING A VIDEO. I only have the slightest memory of it now. And it's disappeared so... I don't get to see it. Probably for the best.
Buy anything new from eBay?
Nope
Get arrested?
Nope
Did you get sick this year?
Yeah, always. I got super sick about a month ago. I also started on Lexapro in May and for about two months I was Not Myself. I was in a complete daze all the time. Brain fog is real. I felt less anxious but also more depressed. I'm through that now, thank god. Aside from that, I just constantly feel like I'm "about to get sick".
Start a new hobby?
Omg YES I started woodworking!! And I also started playing World of Warcraft again
Been snowboarding?
Nope
Drank Starbucks in 2018?
Probably. I drank a hell of a lot of not-Starbucks coffee too.
Where did most of your money go?
Rent, utilities, noms, alcohol, and plane tickets. -- same as last year.
^ Same as last year! Same answer since 2011.
^ Four years later and still the same answer!
^ Five years later and this will never not change.
^ 2016 and still this. (I got Stitch Fix this year, though, so I started spending more on clothes, and also makeup)
^ 2017 and I don't think that's ever going to change
^ 2018 and this isn't going to change because I live in an area where affording a house is impossible unless you have at least half a million dollars
What did you get really, really, really excited about?
New episodes of Steven Universe, lol
How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017?
Trying my best. I love my black boots to death. I picked up a Tripp jacket at a thrift store and it's plaid and it's got all kinds of zippers on it and I love it. I got a new long skirt out of nice fabric and it's got stripes and a visible underskirt and it's held up by belts and I love that too. And a new long green coat made out of soft material. I'm trying not to be lazy.
Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
FUCK THOUGH THIS YEAR WAS A GOOD YEAR FOR CELEBRITIES. Janelle Monae and Tessa Thompson I SHIP THEM SO HARD who doesn't though. 2018 was the year when it became culturally acceptable to have a boner for Aquaman, because Jason Momoa is Aquaman, and holy DAMN that man. Fuck I feel like I had others. I don't/can't have a crush on Ezra Miller because he is my son my face claim for Regulus, but he had an excellent year as a style icon, including a semi-recent photoshoot for Playboy where he wore a corset and bunny ears. Oh Oh fuck. Michael B. Jordan as Killmonger though MY GOD. And also I learned about Eric Nally and I have kind of a weirdo crush on him too.
What political issue stirred you the most?
Sigh... Here we go... I am literally not going to be able to remember them all.
We're putting BABIES in CAGES. That is a thing that is happening currently. The border agents started separating families at the border who are coming here to apply for asylum and they TAKE THEIR CHILDREN AWAY and lock them in these hugs camps in Texas in cages with thousands of other migrant babies. Some of them go to foster families. The government has no plans for reuniting them with their families. Children have literally started DYING in the last month. A seven year old child died; a child only a few months old died. THIS IS STILL HAPPENING and the people in charge are publicly stating that it's the parents' fault for bringing them here... WHAT.
There were several major forest fires in California this year, including the Camp Fire which I mentioned that devastated an entire city, and our pissbaby president used it as an excuse to deny the existence of global warming and instead blamed it on the California forest management and said that we wouldn't get fires if we just raked the forest floors.
Racists in the south have started randomly shooting at innocent black families that they don't know in parking lots and killing them. (Started? This probably was happening already, but I started hearing about it only this year.)
Somehow our pissbaby president has not yet started a nuclear war.
Oh fuck speaking of pissbabies, I almost forgot about Brett Kavanaugh.
I honestly can't keep up with all the shit about Michael Cohen, Jeff Sessions, etc. Trump keeps firing people.
Mass shootings are still happening. There was one in Thousand Oaks, CA, a few months ago. Another one in a synagogue earlier. Fuck, was Parkland this year? Yes, yes it was. 17 people died. The survivors banded together and fought back. Their tenacity has been amazing. Nothing has changed, in terms of laws. But they're incredible young adults.
The whole Jamal Khashoggi thing was bananas.
President Pissbaby has currently shut down the government because he can't get his way wall. It's been shut down for a week now. Thousands of government employees are receiving no pay. The national parks are filling with trash and shit because no one can clean then up.
Relationships
Did you know anybody who got married?
Yeah, so two of my best friends from college got married this year (not to each other). I wasn't invited. Which, y'know, I can't blame them. We don't talk anymore. Every once and a while there will be a group text with the four of us. But it just kind of slapped me in the face how those friendships have slipped away. I still care about them, I always will, and if I'm in their area I'll want to catch up. I just don't know how you hold onto friendships. It's not like I was texting them or trying really hard to keep up an actual connection, and it's not like they were with me either. They all live in different states now, and yet the three of them have kept up a friendship, so much that all three of them were bridesmaids at each others' weddings, and I was only invited to one as a normal guest (and I couldn't even go). I don't know what happened. These were my very best friends in college. I don't understand how other people stay in contact. I really am not mad at them; this is actually not about them at all, but rather, my own confusion about what I'm doing wrong.
Did you know anyone who got divorced?
Sort of. A friend I knew from camp is getting divorced.
Also WHAT I JUST THIS SECOND FOUND OUT THAT EMMA'S BROTHER SPLIT UP WITH HIS HUSBAND, WHAT THE FUCK
Any new additions to your family?
Mitchell's step-sister had another baby, but I haven't met said baby yet. Also my cousin Joe is marrying his longtime girlfriend Emma, but not until 2020.
Did anyone close to you die?
Magda :(
Notable celebrity deaths?
Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade died by suicide just a few days apart. Stan Lee. Ursula K LeGuin. Emma Chambers (Alice from The Vicar of Dibley). John McCain. George HW Bush. Jamal Khashoggi (murdered in the Turkish Embassy as ordered by the Saudi Crown Prince).
Did you fall in love in 2018?
Not with anyone new
How many one-night stands?
I don't do those.
Made new friends?
Sort of getting closer with people from work
New best friend?
Naw
Who was the best new person you met?
Did I meet any new people?
Who did you miss?
I don't know if I really miss people. Maybe that's part of the problem re: communication.
Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I think I'm too old to "hate" people that I know. I've learned some things about certain people on my team and that makes me sour towards them.
Other than home, where did you spend most of your time?
Work. It's always going to be work now, isn't it?
Whose behavior merited celebration?
Mitchell? I don't know. I'm deleting this question.
Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
...Nazis...?
^ Same answer as last year. HOW IS THIS THE SAME ANSWER. Deleting this one too.
Media
What music will you remember from 2018?
2018 belonged to Janelle Monae and Dirty Computer
Aside from that, I discovered Foxy Shazam this year and I cannot stop listening to them.
At the very end of this year I got super into The Deer Hunter and The Protomen
Alt-J's "Relaxer" album came out this year too, that was great
Podcasts, also: MBMBAM, The Moth, Mortified, Risk, Bawdy, This American Life, Personality Hacker, Multiamory, Shmanners, Sawbones
What was your greatest musical discovery?
Foxy Shazam
Memorable TV programs of this year?
I haven't actually seen Black Mirror: Bandersnatch yet but it's supposed to be amazing.
Black Mirror season 4 was excellent
Steven Universe, of course. Hilda. She-Ra and the Princesses of Power. Brooklyn 99. THE GOOD PLACE. Taskmaster. The Great British Bake-Off. King of the Hill. I also watched a disgusting amount of terrible reality TV this year.
Memorable films of this year?
Changing this to "Memorable films of this year?"
INTO THE SPIDERVERSE
BLACK PANTHER
that might be it.
Deeper Questions
What's the one thing you thought you would never do but did in 2018?
So (to quote 2 years ago) usually I interpret this question loosely, as "What are some big things that happened in [year]?" And usually I answer it with things that seem insurmountable but that I didn't actually think wouldn't happen, like defending papers. But this year the question needs to be broken down further into "Things that seemed insurmountable but I actually did," and "Things that I really never thought I'd ever do but did". SO...
Things that seemed insurmountable but I actually did
- Created [some number - classified] of TTS voices in [some number] [days/weeks/months] and launched 6 voices to the public. LIKE HONESTLY THAT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE POSSIBLE.
- Finally hired a god damn engineer after [way too long] of not having the ability to get one because [reasons], wow it's hard to write about my life now that everything's classified
- Haul my hung-over ass from King's Cross to Heathrow the morning after the holiday party
- Try for promo. I didn't get it, but it's not my fault. I tried, and at least I know things now that I didn't know before, and I have a load of support from people who matter.
- Deal with my parents moving out of my childhood home. It was hard.
Things that I really never thought I'd ever do but did
- Start woodworking. Work a table saw without chopping off a limb.
- Have the CEO of Google announce a project that I was one of the key contributors to within the first 10 minutes of I/O
What's something you learned about yourself?
I am a lot more confident than I thought I was. Even though people are still telling me that I'm not confident enough. They just see a slice of who I am now, compared to other people, and maybe I don't look confident from that angle. But looking at me through my whole life, I've grown a hell of a lot. I feel like I'm leveling up, or I've already leveled up. I feel comfortable with my coworkers. I don't feel so bothered by levels anymore. People are starting to look to me as someone who knows things, someone who knows experimental design and what our data needs are and who has a high E.Q. I think people need me on the team. No, fuck that. People need me on the team. And I can say that now. And I believe it.
What was your biggest achievement of the year?
What was your biggest failure?
Oddly enough, these two questions go together this year, I think. Aside from the I/O voices, which were just an achievement. I went for promo, and didn't get it, but I don't consider that a personal failure. It's actually a personal achievement, going for it and getting the support I needed and writing a promo package that many important people on my team said was strong. My project that I lead is also going well, but we failed to make our deadlines on many occasions because [reasons] that are not entirely my fault, but since I'm the project lead, it all comes down to me anyway.
Personally, as always, I wish I had done more things, seen more people, didn't spend so much of my time on the couch. That's always going to be me though. In the latter half of the year things have started to pick up. I've started woodworking and I go down to the woodshop once a week to work on the chest I'm building. I'm starting to feel a little more social right now, although I do say that often and it usually doesn't go anywhere. I feel like maybe I want to hang out with new people and be a lot sluttier. I think I always end the year saying I want to do more kink things, but I do mean it now.
Any regrets?
See above
What do you want to change in 2018? (aka New Years Resolutions)
I'm going to comment on things from last year first:
I want to give a shit about my body. However that may work out. Maybe it means "eating better" or at the very least taking some notice of what I'm eating. Maybe it's stopping using the excuse of "special occasions" or "just this once" to eat shit because those opportunities actually come up all the time. Maybe it's finding something else to do when I'm bored besides eating. Maybe it means being more active. I don't know. But I want to care a little bit and do something about it.
That didn't really happen. I still have not been able to make a habit out of doing anything active. I still would like to. Mitchell and I started doing Blue Apron though, so I do eat a good meal with vegetables twice a week.
I want to be less protective of myself. I want to actually put in a modicum of effort towards making new friends and to stop ghosting people who seem interested in getting to know me. I want to try to hang out with new people. That will involve taking some risks that I'm not used to taking.
That also didn't really happen. Again, I'm starting to come out of my shell now, but I also recognize that these things come and go in waves.
I want to become more confident in my decision making skills at work.
That has actually happened. At least I'm growing more confident at work, although not in my personal life so much.
I want to continue to question myself every time I write an email or leave a comment on a doc, question whether it's necessary to write the thing or whether it's just adding noise or whether someone else is taking care of it or whether there's a better way to address the problem.
I also have done that! My written communication gets better and better. I'm really proud of my emails now.
I'd like to get Exceeds Expectations on my OWLs. It would be great if I get promo, but I'm not going to hold myself to that next year, but I think Exceeds would be achievable.
I got Strongly Exceeds on both my Perfs... hmm...
I want to actually use the methods I learned from Search Inside Yourself. I want to be better at noticing when I'm shame spiraling or panic spiraling and stopping to take a moment and just breathe and check in with my body, and I want to be able to calm my own self down rather than expecting whoever I'm talking to to pull me out of it. I want to take more time during my day to stop and breathe, perhaps not every day, but sometimes.
I sort of did that? Definitely not every day. But I have taken the time to stop and pause and breathe in moments of panic, and I'm getting better at noticing when I'm spiraling and have to break the spiral.
Maybe I'd like a hobby. Maybe. Maybe I'd like some goal to live for and really care about beyond just myself and my family. I'd like to know what it feels like to have a passion. I don't know if that's something I get to have. I'd like to at least have something that gets me off the couch. Something creative, or something active, or something social.
Welp, I did find a hobby. No larger purpose yet. I don't know if that's something that's meant for me.
And now for this year...
Fuck I can't think of any. I think they're actually the same as last year. Maybe they'll be the same every year. Hey, here's a thing. Let's check in on these general goals every year:
(1) Career advancement
(2) Health (physical and mental)
(3) Social life (friendships, romantic, and sexual)
(4) Honesty & difficult conversations
(5) Confidence (work and social)
(6) Hobbies & general life purpose
Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or Sadder?
I don't... honestly know. Not sadder, per se. Maybe not happier either. 2018 was kind of a collective kick in the arse, and I think I'm just numb. But sometimes I do interesting things when I'm numb. I'm certainly interested and inspired, let's put it that way.
ii. Thinner or Fatter?
Fatter, shut up
iii. Richer or Poorer?
Significantly richer
What kept you sane?
Cat pictures, snuggling Mitchell, trips to Santa Cruz to see Andy, SO MUCH BITCHING WITH MY CLOSEST WORK COLLEAGUES (seriously I would not have pulled through this year without Eileen, Ralph, Kendalle, David, Paul, Brant... many others)
Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018?
Sometimes things just don't work out and it's not your fault. Sometimes you can work your hardest and get all the support you need and it still doesn't work. And when that happens, you have to find a way to deal that isn't quitting or shutting down. It's okay to quit or shut down sometimes, but if the situation doesn't call for it, you have to power through and believe in your abilities and get drunk and scream fuck the system and then go and do whatever you need to do to keep yourself going.
Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
This entire song: "Evil Thoughts" by Foxy Shazam
As my lamp grows dim and I'm hardly hangin' on
In this path I've been followin' for years
Now is not so well lit
And the pieces don't fit no more
Should I proceed or turn back around?
Lord, let me know what I should do
Evil thoughts, evil powers seek my mind
I feel lost every time
Evil force, evil ways close behind
I need love, I need love, I need love
Back the way I came, nothin' looks the same
And the bread crumbs I've left along the way
Now have been eaten away
By the birds I have left in my past
Should I proceed or turn back around?
Lord, let me know what I should do
Overall, how would you rate this year?
Ehhhhhhhhhhh
Are you happy to see 2018 go?
Honestly what does it even matter anymore. Every year we come out with those memes like "Me in 201[n-1]: Crying; Me in 201[n]: Sobbing; Me in 201[n+1]: Drinking and punching things", and I think by now we've learned that these political outrages aren't going anywhere fast. I don't feel like punching things. I just feel like surviving.
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2018 Recap Meme
Holidays
Where did you begin 2018?
At Rob's house party
What was your status by Valentine's Day?
Someone's wife, someone's girlfriend, and someone's date
Any July 4th celebrations?
Mitchell and I were in Portland! We went down to Sellwood Riverfront Park, which is one of my favorite places in the world, and drank beer and sat by the river and watched the people and the dogs and the boats. Then we went back early, and he wasn't feeling social, so I walked hella far to get to the bridge to watch the fireworks, and I arrived just in time. People had been standing out there for hours, and I only had to stand for half an hour and I saw the whole thing.
Where did you go on vacation?
In May, Mitchell and I went to London for two weeks, first for a business trip and second for a quick vacation slash wedding. My cousin Ellen got married in Bristol, so we stayed in a hotel in London for a few days and did touristy things, and then we took the train out to meet the family. We stayed in 4 different hotels in 2 weeks.
We also went back to Portland as kind of a do-over trip because my busted foot last year and the heatwave made it a little harder to enjoy. As I said, we went over the July 4 week, and we stayed in a little Airbnb and drank beer.
What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 31, and I had a small house party where I brainstormed my #ThirtyFirsts list (31 things to do while I'm 31). Who knows if I'll actually do them.
What were you for Halloween?
Eh, not much. I bought a panda onesie and wore that. I was going to be a trash panda but I got too lazy to carry the trash can around. I also did a last minute cat lady costume where I stuck a bunch of stuffed animal cats to my bathrobe and looked crazy. I was also going to be "A Mouse, Duh!" for Andrew's Halloween party, but Mitchell got sick literally just as we were about to call the Lyft and we ended up not going.
Who did you spend Thanksgiving with?
Jeremy, Hunter, Hunter's girlfriend, and Mitchell. We did it at our place again and I made the turkey. It's probably Jeremy's last Thanksgiving with us, since he's moving to New York :(
How did you spend Christmas?
My parents came to stay with us! They were here for 5 nights I think, and they stayed in our guest room. It was the first time I've hosted Christmas and the first time they've stayed at my place.
What has been your favorite moment(s)?
See these recap memes are biased towards the end of the year because I can't bloody remember the beginning of the year. But I have really enjoyed both times that I went to London. The first time was awesome because I actually got to spend time there not working. And the second time was awesome because I had a lovely day in Camden Town on my one day off, and on my last day I went to the Holiday Party with all the folks from the London office, and I had just such an incredible time with them. I was pissed drunk and dancing and singing and I loved every moment of it.
What was your best month?
...May I think? That was the London trip, and that was when the voices I worked on finally launched and Sundar announced them at the I/O keynote speech and I felt like I was the king of the fucking world. Work was actually good then; May was right before work got shitty. Honestly releasing those voices was one of the coolest things ever. I had no idea if we'd pull it off and it was such a relief when we did.
What dates from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 6(?): I/O and the release of the 6 new en-US voices that I worked on
November 27: The day my parents moved out of my childhood home
And uhh
Not really anything else
2018 was memorable in really terrible ways, politically, and I remember events/feelings/long stretches of political agony rather than particular dates
Tell me one random memory from each month
January: Going bird watching with a bunch of people from my team on Kevin's last day and learning what a bird nerd he is
February: Putting a bunch of cat pictures from our cat calendar on the wall so now our upstairs hallway is covered in kitties!
March: When Rado brought in her fluffy kitty to work and everyone went outside to pet it. His name is King Cyrus.
April: Watching Wrestlemania at Rob's house
May: Going to Whitstable with Mitchell, Linda, Kirsty, and Kirsty's boyfriend Steve; having a lovely day at the beach and then almost not being able to get back to London because the train was too packed
June: CORGICON PART 2: THE RECORGONING. I went to SF and slept over at Morgan's house, and the night before we all went out for beers, and then we went to Corgi Con the next day and pet SO MANY DOGS
July: Search offsite to Squaw Valley!! Yosemite was burning three hours away so the whole air was filled with smoke the first day, whoops. I wasn't feeling very social that whole trip so I didn't party like I thought I would, but it was beautiful and it was lovely to hang out with work people.
August: David Byrne concert with Evan and Morgan! Such an amazing show, as always.
September: TTS Research Summit in Mountain View. Got to see the London folks, meet a bunch of people working on TTS on other teams, and do a boozy cooking class with them
October: I made a box. It was my second woodworking class. My first was in September, but I already did September, so there.
November: The Camp Fire burned down the entire town of Paradise and the Bay Area had Unhealthy-level air quality for literally two weeks straight, and all the stores ran out of smoke masks.
December: Going on a date night with Andy and renting a hotel room and I got extremely drunk and we had a lot of sex
Events
Were you in school (anytime this year)?
No, and I probably am not ever going to be, so this question is probably obsolete now
Did you have to go to the hospital?
I went to urgent care in January because there was a flu going around that was literally killing people and even affecting people who had gotten the flu shot, and they said if you had any signs you should go see a doctor, and one night I got the worst headache I'd ever experienced not in a plane, so I went to urgent care and it was super full, and then the doctor dismissed me after 5 minutes because I didn't have the flu. Oh well.
Did you have any encounters with the police?
Nope
What did you purchase that was over $500?
Plane tickets and hotel tickets! As always
Did you move anywhere?
Nope
What sporting events did you attend?
I almost went to a Warriors game with my team but then I got super super sick
Favorite night out?
Holiday party in London!!!!
I also really enjoyed Andrew's party earlier in the year. I don't remember what it was for. I had never met him in person and I didn't know anyone else at the party, but I fit right in and the people were cool and there was loads of alcohol. I'm going to another one of his party's tonight, assuming I don't get sick before (I am possibly getting sick but I'm trying hard to fight it off).
Have any life changes in 2018?
Didn't get promo, hah. I'm still bitter about that. I guess the life change is realizing how fucked up the promo process is because [redacted -- I'm not actually allowed to write it -- but it's fucked up for reasons beyond "I wanted it and didn't get it"].
Change your hairstyle?
No haha I don't think I got it cut once this year
Have any car accidents?
No, but Mitchell got rear-ended a few week's ago. He's okay, the car is a little messed up but it was messed up before
Buy a new car?
Nope
New BF/GF?
Eh no, I was dating Rob at the beginning of the year but that didn't work out
Get a new job?
Nope
Do anything embarrassing?
Not exactly embarrassing but apparently Wael and I took a drunken video together (well, I was drunk, he wasn't) at the holiday party and pinged it to Eileen on her work account, and the next morning we were texting she was like "I loved the video" and I had NO MEMORY OF TAKING A VIDEO. I only have the slightest memory of it now. And it's disappeared so... I don't get to see it. Probably for the best.
Buy anything new from eBay?
Nope
Get arrested?
Nope
Did you get sick this year?
Yeah, always. I got super sick about a month ago. I also started on Lexapro in May and for about two months I was Not Myself. I was in a complete daze all the time. Brain fog is real. I felt less anxious but also more depressed. I'm through that now, thank god. Aside from that, I just constantly feel like I'm "about to get sick".
Start a new hobby?
Omg YES I started woodworking!! And I also started playing World of Warcraft again
Been snowboarding?
Nope
Drank Starbucks in 2018?
Probably. I drank a hell of a lot of not-Starbucks coffee too.
Where did most of your money go?
Rent, utilities, noms, alcohol, and plane tickets. -- same as last year.
^ Same as last year! Same answer since 2011.
^ Four years later and still the same answer!
^ Five years later and this will never not change.
^ 2016 and still this. (I got Stitch Fix this year, though, so I started spending more on clothes, and also makeup)
^ 2017 and I don't think that's ever going to change
^ 2018 and this isn't going to change because I live in an area where affording a house is impossible unless you have at least half a million dollars
What did you get really, really, really excited about?
New episodes of Steven Universe, lol
How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017?
Trying my best. I love my black boots to death. I picked up a Tripp jacket at a thrift store and it's plaid and it's got all kinds of zippers on it and I love it. I got a new long skirt out of nice fabric and it's got stripes and a visible underskirt and it's held up by belts and I love that too. And a new long green coat made out of soft material. I'm trying not to be lazy.
Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
FUCK THOUGH THIS YEAR WAS A GOOD YEAR FOR CELEBRITIES. Janelle Monae and Tessa Thompson I SHIP THEM SO HARD who doesn't though. 2018 was the year when it became culturally acceptable to have a boner for Aquaman, because Jason Momoa is Aquaman, and holy DAMN that man. Fuck I feel like I had others. I don't/can't have a crush on Ezra Miller because he is my son my face claim for Regulus, but he had an excellent year as a style icon, including a semi-recent photoshoot for Playboy where he wore a corset and bunny ears. Oh Oh fuck. Michael B. Jordan as Killmonger though MY GOD. And also I learned about Eric Nally and I have kind of a weirdo crush on him too.
What political issue stirred you the most?
Sigh... Here we go... I am literally not going to be able to remember them all.
We're putting BABIES in CAGES. That is a thing that is happening currently. The border agents started separating families at the border who are coming here to apply for asylum and they TAKE THEIR CHILDREN AWAY and lock them in these hugs camps in Texas in cages with thousands of other migrant babies. Some of them go to foster families. The government has no plans for reuniting them with their families. Children have literally started DYING in the last month. A seven year old child died; a child only a few months old died. THIS IS STILL HAPPENING and the people in charge are publicly stating that it's the parents' fault for bringing them here... WHAT.
There were several major forest fires in California this year, including the Camp Fire which I mentioned that devastated an entire city, and our pissbaby president used it as an excuse to deny the existence of global warming and instead blamed it on the California forest management and said that we wouldn't get fires if we just raked the forest floors.
Racists in the south have started randomly shooting at innocent black families that they don't know in parking lots and killing them. (Started? This probably was happening already, but I started hearing about it only this year.)
Somehow our pissbaby president has not yet started a nuclear war.
Oh fuck speaking of pissbabies, I almost forgot about Brett Kavanaugh.
I honestly can't keep up with all the shit about Michael Cohen, Jeff Sessions, etc. Trump keeps firing people.
Mass shootings are still happening. There was one in Thousand Oaks, CA, a few months ago. Another one in a synagogue earlier. Fuck, was Parkland this year? Yes, yes it was. 17 people died. The survivors banded together and fought back. Their tenacity has been amazing. Nothing has changed, in terms of laws. But they're incredible young adults.
The whole Jamal Khashoggi thing was bananas.
President Pissbaby has currently shut down the government because he can't get his way wall. It's been shut down for a week now. Thousands of government employees are receiving no pay. The national parks are filling with trash and shit because no one can clean then up.
Relationships
Did you know anybody who got married?
Yeah, so two of my best friends from college got married this year (not to each other). I wasn't invited. Which, y'know, I can't blame them. We don't talk anymore. Every once and a while there will be a group text with the four of us. But it just kind of slapped me in the face how those friendships have slipped away. I still care about them, I always will, and if I'm in their area I'll want to catch up. I just don't know how you hold onto friendships. It's not like I was texting them or trying really hard to keep up an actual connection, and it's not like they were with me either. They all live in different states now, and yet the three of them have kept up a friendship, so much that all three of them were bridesmaids at each others' weddings, and I was only invited to one as a normal guest (and I couldn't even go). I don't know what happened. These were my very best friends in college. I don't understand how other people stay in contact. I really am not mad at them; this is actually not about them at all, but rather, my own confusion about what I'm doing wrong.
Did you know anyone who got divorced?
Sort of. A friend I knew from camp is getting divorced.
Also WHAT I JUST THIS SECOND FOUND OUT THAT EMMA'S BROTHER SPLIT UP WITH HIS HUSBAND, WHAT THE FUCK
Any new additions to your family?
Mitchell's step-sister had another baby, but I haven't met said baby yet. Also my cousin Joe is marrying his longtime girlfriend Emma, but not until 2020.
Did anyone close to you die?
Magda :(
Notable celebrity deaths?
Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade died by suicide just a few days apart. Stan Lee. Ursula K LeGuin. Emma Chambers (Alice from The Vicar of Dibley). John McCain. George HW Bush. Jamal Khashoggi (murdered in the Turkish Embassy as ordered by the Saudi Crown Prince).
Did you fall in love in 2018?
Not with anyone new
How many one-night stands?
I don't do those.
Made new friends?
Sort of getting closer with people from work
New best friend?
Naw
Who was the best new person you met?
Did I meet any new people?
Who did you miss?
I don't know if I really miss people. Maybe that's part of the problem re: communication.
Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I think I'm too old to "hate" people that I know. I've learned some things about certain people on my team and that makes me sour towards them.
Other than home, where did you spend most of your time?
Work. It's always going to be work now, isn't it?
Whose behavior merited celebration?
Mitchell? I don't know. I'm deleting this question.
Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
...Nazis...?
^ Same answer as last year. HOW IS THIS THE SAME ANSWER. Deleting this one too.
Media
What music will you remember from 2018?
2018 belonged to Janelle Monae and Dirty Computer
Aside from that, I discovered Foxy Shazam this year and I cannot stop listening to them.
At the very end of this year I got super into The Deer Hunter and The Protomen
Alt-J's "Relaxer" album came out this year too, that was great
Podcasts, also: MBMBAM, The Moth, Mortified, Risk, Bawdy, This American Life, Personality Hacker, Multiamory, Shmanners, Sawbones
What was your greatest musical discovery?
Foxy Shazam
Memorable TV programs of this year?
I haven't actually seen Black Mirror: Bandersnatch yet but it's supposed to be amazing.
Black Mirror season 4 was excellent
Steven Universe, of course. Hilda. She-Ra and the Princesses of Power. Brooklyn 99. THE GOOD PLACE. Taskmaster. The Great British Bake-Off. King of the Hill. I also watched a disgusting amount of terrible reality TV this year.
Memorable films of this year?
Changing this to "Memorable films of this year?"
INTO THE SPIDERVERSE
BLACK PANTHER
that might be it.
Deeper Questions
What's the one thing you thought you would never do but did in 2018?
So (to quote 2 years ago) usually I interpret this question loosely, as "What are some big things that happened in [year]?" And usually I answer it with things that seem insurmountable but that I didn't actually think wouldn't happen, like defending papers. But this year the question needs to be broken down further into "Things that seemed insurmountable but I actually did," and "Things that I really never thought I'd ever do but did". SO...
Things that seemed insurmountable but I actually did
- Created [some number - classified] of TTS voices in [some number] [days/weeks/months] and launched 6 voices to the public. LIKE HONESTLY THAT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE POSSIBLE.
- Finally hired a god damn engineer after [way too long] of not having the ability to get one because [reasons], wow it's hard to write about my life now that everything's classified
- Haul my hung-over ass from King's Cross to Heathrow the morning after the holiday party
- Try for promo. I didn't get it, but it's not my fault. I tried, and at least I know things now that I didn't know before, and I have a load of support from people who matter.
- Deal with my parents moving out of my childhood home. It was hard.
Things that I really never thought I'd ever do but did
- Start woodworking. Work a table saw without chopping off a limb.
- Have the CEO of Google announce a project that I was one of the key contributors to within the first 10 minutes of I/O
What's something you learned about yourself?
I am a lot more confident than I thought I was. Even though people are still telling me that I'm not confident enough. They just see a slice of who I am now, compared to other people, and maybe I don't look confident from that angle. But looking at me through my whole life, I've grown a hell of a lot. I feel like I'm leveling up, or I've already leveled up. I feel comfortable with my coworkers. I don't feel so bothered by levels anymore. People are starting to look to me as someone who knows things, someone who knows experimental design and what our data needs are and who has a high E.Q. I think people need me on the team. No, fuck that. People need me on the team. And I can say that now. And I believe it.
What was your biggest achievement of the year?
What was your biggest failure?
Oddly enough, these two questions go together this year, I think. Aside from the I/O voices, which were just an achievement. I went for promo, and didn't get it, but I don't consider that a personal failure. It's actually a personal achievement, going for it and getting the support I needed and writing a promo package that many important people on my team said was strong. My project that I lead is also going well, but we failed to make our deadlines on many occasions because [reasons] that are not entirely my fault, but since I'm the project lead, it all comes down to me anyway.
Personally, as always, I wish I had done more things, seen more people, didn't spend so much of my time on the couch. That's always going to be me though. In the latter half of the year things have started to pick up. I've started woodworking and I go down to the woodshop once a week to work on the chest I'm building. I'm starting to feel a little more social right now, although I do say that often and it usually doesn't go anywhere. I feel like maybe I want to hang out with new people and be a lot sluttier. I think I always end the year saying I want to do more kink things, but I do mean it now.
Any regrets?
See above
What do you want to change in 2018? (aka New Years Resolutions)
I'm going to comment on things from last year first:
I want to give a shit about my body. However that may work out. Maybe it means "eating better" or at the very least taking some notice of what I'm eating. Maybe it's stopping using the excuse of "special occasions" or "just this once" to eat shit because those opportunities actually come up all the time. Maybe it's finding something else to do when I'm bored besides eating. Maybe it means being more active. I don't know. But I want to care a little bit and do something about it.
That didn't really happen. I still have not been able to make a habit out of doing anything active. I still would like to. Mitchell and I started doing Blue Apron though, so I do eat a good meal with vegetables twice a week.
I want to be less protective of myself. I want to actually put in a modicum of effort towards making new friends and to stop ghosting people who seem interested in getting to know me. I want to try to hang out with new people. That will involve taking some risks that I'm not used to taking.
That also didn't really happen. Again, I'm starting to come out of my shell now, but I also recognize that these things come and go in waves.
I want to become more confident in my decision making skills at work.
That has actually happened. At least I'm growing more confident at work, although not in my personal life so much.
I want to continue to question myself every time I write an email or leave a comment on a doc, question whether it's necessary to write the thing or whether it's just adding noise or whether someone else is taking care of it or whether there's a better way to address the problem.
I also have done that! My written communication gets better and better. I'm really proud of my emails now.
I'd like to get Exceeds Expectations on my OWLs. It would be great if I get promo, but I'm not going to hold myself to that next year, but I think Exceeds would be achievable.
I got Strongly Exceeds on both my Perfs... hmm...
I want to actually use the methods I learned from Search Inside Yourself. I want to be better at noticing when I'm shame spiraling or panic spiraling and stopping to take a moment and just breathe and check in with my body, and I want to be able to calm my own self down rather than expecting whoever I'm talking to to pull me out of it. I want to take more time during my day to stop and breathe, perhaps not every day, but sometimes.
I sort of did that? Definitely not every day. But I have taken the time to stop and pause and breathe in moments of panic, and I'm getting better at noticing when I'm spiraling and have to break the spiral.
Maybe I'd like a hobby. Maybe. Maybe I'd like some goal to live for and really care about beyond just myself and my family. I'd like to know what it feels like to have a passion. I don't know if that's something I get to have. I'd like to at least have something that gets me off the couch. Something creative, or something active, or something social.
Welp, I did find a hobby. No larger purpose yet. I don't know if that's something that's meant for me.
And now for this year...
Fuck I can't think of any. I think they're actually the same as last year. Maybe they'll be the same every year. Hey, here's a thing. Let's check in on these general goals every year:
(1) Career advancement
(2) Health (physical and mental)
(3) Social life (friendships, romantic, and sexual)
(4) Honesty & difficult conversations
(5) Confidence (work and social)
(6) Hobbies & general life purpose
Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. Happier or Sadder?
I don't... honestly know. Not sadder, per se. Maybe not happier either. 2018 was kind of a collective kick in the arse, and I think I'm just numb. But sometimes I do interesting things when I'm numb. I'm certainly interested and inspired, let's put it that way.
ii. Thinner or Fatter?
Fatter, shut up
iii. Richer or Poorer?
Significantly richer
What kept you sane?
Cat pictures, snuggling Mitchell, trips to Santa Cruz to see Andy, SO MUCH BITCHING WITH MY CLOSEST WORK COLLEAGUES (seriously I would not have pulled through this year without Eileen, Ralph, Kendalle, David, Paul, Brant... many others)
Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018?
Sometimes things just don't work out and it's not your fault. Sometimes you can work your hardest and get all the support you need and it still doesn't work. And when that happens, you have to find a way to deal that isn't quitting or shutting down. It's okay to quit or shut down sometimes, but if the situation doesn't call for it, you have to power through and believe in your abilities and get drunk and scream fuck the system and then go and do whatever you need to do to keep yourself going.
Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
This entire song: "Evil Thoughts" by Foxy Shazam
As my lamp grows dim and I'm hardly hangin' on
In this path I've been followin' for years
Now is not so well lit
And the pieces don't fit no more
Should I proceed or turn back around?
Lord, let me know what I should do
Evil thoughts, evil powers seek my mind
I feel lost every time
Evil force, evil ways close behind
I need love, I need love, I need love
Back the way I came, nothin' looks the same
And the bread crumbs I've left along the way
Now have been eaten away
By the birds I have left in my past
Should I proceed or turn back around?
Lord, let me know what I should do
Overall, how would you rate this year?
Ehhhhhhhhhhh
Are you happy to see 2018 go?
Honestly what does it even matter anymore. Every year we come out with those memes like "Me in 201[n-1]: Crying; Me in 201[n]: Sobbing; Me in 201[n+1]: Drinking and punching things", and I think by now we've learned that these political outrages aren't going anywhere fast. I don't feel like punching things. I just feel like surviving.
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