There are things that people tell themselves, to comfort themselves. I try to imagine a circumstance where whatever inflation I give myself is duly credited. I'm a good guy, a nice guy and a stand-up guy. But things aren't the way you picture it in your head. The way things work out, maybe I am none of those things. How much of an asshole must you ( Read more... )

Distractions
I've been extremely productive, by force of will alone. I get errands done. Run around in my car, from point A to point B, I stop for a lonely cup of coffee inbetween. Sip slowly, breathe in the aroma, savor the taste and bitterness. Pick up my friend, hang out, have lunch. Get back to getting more things done. Come home write emails to ( Read more... )

Thank You for the Mess.
If it takes you that long to get from there to here, and you're half-way through, you know there isn't much left tarmac to go. What could I possibly say, after all this time, after all these lessons learnt and all that it took to get me to this point of time in my life. All I can say is thank you, thank you for the mess.

( Read more... )

Flight into Australia.
I got back a couple of days ago, had a scary flight back. As we were approaching the run way, a gale hit the plane and the pilots had to abort the landing. The pilots brought the plane into a sharp ascent and then they had to go for a fly around to attempt the landing again. As the plane pulled up, I saw from my window seat, ( Read more... )

Gather your thoughts.
Let me be completely removed. Without having to feel an ounce of guilt or shame or regret. I do entertain disparaging thoughts, but mostly, these thoughts fall off like ripened fruit. Once big, round, juicy and moist - they plummet and crack right open. Scattering their seeds to grow more doubt. To end this vicious cycle, I ( Read more... )

The view before my eyes.
I looked down in despair; for a long time I stood glancing at my feet. Simultaneously shaking my head, lamenting my bad luck and cursing the sad state that my life was in. I raised my hands to my brows and kneaded them vigorously, trying to smooth out the knots caused by stress. My world was dark by the shadow cast by storm ( Read more... )

All is dust.
Fade away, return to dust. I shed my fears and throw care aside. I'll worry what people think about me tomorrow, when I am sober.

I tell myself, that tonight, there is cause for celebration. Every time I've been home, unshackled from the worrisome thought of being inferior, things have gotten better for me. I should dedicate myself to ( Read more... )

It made sense to me at the time.
As I learn more things, and as my scope of understanding starts to expand, I see more things now than I did then. My horizons are beginning to broaden and as I take on more responsibilities in my life; as I begin to shoulder the problems of more and more people, I realise now that some of the things that I held on to ( Read more... )

Apologies are for pussies.
Like unleashing a dog on a choke-collar, salivating, bounding, barking and panting. Free of its obligations to its master. No longer does it have to eat when it's fed, no longer does it sit and wait to be patted, to receive its daily dose of love and affection. It is free now, to roam. Soon the dog grows feral, and ( Read more... )

Part 1: Update
I got done with my exams about a week ago, I've been working everyday since; to try to save up some money for my trip back to Singapore. I leave tonight and I feel less excited than I did the last few times before. For once I feel like maybe Australia wasn't the worst thing to happen to me and for once I feel like me leaving means me ( Read more... )