Most of the words that come out of my mouth are jokes and when someone takes me seriously, it’s usually a problem. “I have eight hundred pairs of socks” garners the response: “What’s wrong with you?” or “I love stabbing unsuspecting infants in their sleep, it’s so hip” causes others to phone local police. However, sometimes jokes work out. Here’s a ( Read more... )

-There are readily available photos of him dancing with a basket on his head ( Read more... )

Here's a super awesome and emo song I wrote for my Emerson pal Noah ( Read more... )

I know it’s common to gripe about working in retail, but it’s because there’s so much material. There is a never-ending supply of dumb as a banana peel customers. Take, for example, this young man ( Read more... )

I didn’t know you could livejournal “nudge” someone. I don’t like it. Why would you shove someone in the back for being a funny writer? I plan on not naming the “nudge” offender, but I sure wish Thomas would knock it off. Then again, maybe it’s flattering. Maybe it’s like your loyal fans calling you back for encore. Either way, I have a story to ( Read more... )

I will transcribe for you now an incident I had with an older female customer yesterday ( Read more... )

My dear pal Jay Rose called me the other day and left the following message: "If I know you, the countdown to your birthday is already on." He does know me. All too well ( Read more... )

As of right now, I have no concrete plan for this evening. Since it is the night before a major holiday, I feel I should do something. Here is a list of possible plans ( Read more... )

My new job allows for ample reading time, which makes me happier than if it made me Queen of Doughnuts. Which sounds nice, but I just made it up, so it's not a real thing to wish, hope and dream for ( Read more... )

There are 8,000 useful things I could be doing right now, but my brain has shut down. I need a cookie or something ( Read more... )