August-WEEK 1-Pure evil

[a_selfish_meme]

The streaks of cerise in the evening sky made her feel like it was the end. Her fingers paused on the cold metal as she looked up at that violent hue in the endless sky. She cringed, cowered inside, feeling suddenly flattened by its expanse. Her shotgun hung from her hands, forgotten...

For in the horizon, bathed in that unholy red, a giant black

Comments

[a_selfish_meme]

Err...I guess I should give people a belated warning...this entry definitely contains graphic violence and a ethically questionable subject matter. So if you're queasy, this might not be your cup of tea.

[silverflight8]

You might want to edit your entry so people can see it at the top, then ;)

[silverflight8]

Not evil as driven - or is that the same? I would think they'd be numbed - get used to anything. It is horrible, though, to imagine and believe you're evil. :/

There's a typo: you've repeated It was a small stronghold, built to protect the precious goods inside -the remnants of clean water and food which for survivors meant life.It was a small stronghold twice. (I thought I was reading double at first XD) Just be careful with some of the formatting, too; some of your paragraphs are not double-spaced, for example.

[a_selfish_meme]

Yeah I know...the thing is I was so rushed uploading it before the deadline (I originally was contemplating a severus snape fanfic idea for this week but then decided that there is no way snape and the word cerise can exist together on the same page) that the formatting is a bit glitchy. But actually I think if you edit the entry the URL changes and it's no longer accessible from the poll link :( So I guess some sensitive readers will just have to get scarred for life :)

[bluegerl]

Well this is bluegerl to Roar at you! Whew

Your BF edit!

[keppiehed]

Hello, I'm your editor this week!

Let's get started with grammar and punctuation. Corrections are in brackets:

-The streaks of cerise in the evening sky made her feel like it was the end. Love the ending you chose for this sentence!

-She cringed, cower[ing] inside, feeling suddenly flattened by its expanse.

-She felt her palms hit broken glass[ ] as she was knocked down. She felt Greg's weight pressing her down to the ground and his voice hiss[ed in her ear[.] “Stay down.”

- We've got about 15 minutes before our skin starts to boil off.”
It is preferable to write out numerals less than one hundred.

-"Stop. Don't do that." His voice was quiet, silken. But laced with such venomous distaste that it was fear that stopped her crying. There are a lot of subtle redundancies in this part. If you take out the words that are, essentially, the same thing, you have a much cleaner read. Ex: "Don't do that." His voice was quiet, but laced with such venom that it was fear that stopped her crying.
- And she suddenly realized they all ha[d