RANT!!!
Ok so maybe this is me getting cold feet or maybe this is my lack of confidence in myself and my abilities but I keep asking myself this question...why the fuck am I here? I knew coming out here to LA was not going to be easy, I'm not kidding my self; I know that thousands of people arrive daily in this area with delusions that they will become the next what ever, I have none of those delusions I know I may fall flat on my face at any moment and get my nose bloody...this is not new to me. I'm just proud of my self that I didn't wuss out at the last minute and not make the journey out here, I mean that alone is quite an accomplishment on my part. But I'm starting to get the creeping feeling that I really don't know what I've gotten my self into here, and I realize that I really have no one to turn to and no one who is truly there for me, who will stick there neck out for me like I would for any of my friends...I've never felt quite so alone. I finally know what it means to be alone in a crowd. I mean the guy who is letting me stay at his place out of the kindness of his heart is one thing and I know he's getting quite sick of me, but the people I hang out with here really do not have any of my interests in there minds at all, I really feel like if I am going to accomplish anything it is going to be completely on my own and that's fine I know every one has there own shit to do and they all need to look out for number one, I'm the same way sometimes...but here's the problem I'm having, I can't even find a fucking place to live. The worst part about that is I think I would have found my own place if A. I had better credit (which is my own fault) B. was a little more proactive(again my fault) or C. Didn't have to be so fucking nice and say that I'll move in with these lazy fuck heads...ok maybe fuck heads is a little harsh but god damn it all we're trying to do is find a fucking apartment...there's like millions of them all around, and if I made more money I could easily get one of them on my own but no I have to sit on my fucking ass and be a lazy fuck and not just fucking do it on my own no I have to try and help my friends out as well. This whole situation is becoming quite frustrating and frustrating to some of the people around me as well and I can't blame them...but I'm kind of stuck here. Financially I don't have what it takes to just do the things I need to do, so I have to rely on others to help me get shit done and it's just not working here. I know I've only been here a few months but if this is how it's going to be all the time I don't think I have the strength or fortitude to deal with this.
If I where back in Michigan I'd probably be miserable but at least I'd be stable and surrounded by people who honestly give a fuck about me...and I just found out that one of my better friends here is one of the worlds biggest cock blockers ever.
If I where back in Michigan I'd probably be miserable but at least I'd be stable and surrounded by people who honestly give a fuck about me...and I just found out that one of my better friends here is one of the worlds biggest cock blockers ever.