Hello there. :)
Happy New Year, everybody. My name is Sara. I'm not exactly sure what to say, lest I sound like a nerd, but what the hell.
Sorry if this sounds a little scattered. I get nervous talking in front of people. I know I'm not actually in front of anyone, and I'm typing rather than talking, but still. ;)
I decided this year, as one of my resolutions, to live this year as if it were my last. I wanted to start doing this yesterday, but I was a bit too hung over and I forgot. :P
I'm really glad this community is here. It's very helpful as far as having a place to say what I want to say to other people who have a similar mindset.
What really got me to want to finally begin this was that I just finished a book called The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold. Without spoiling it too much for you, the book is about a teenage girl who is raped and murdered, and about the way she learns to grow up while she's in heaven, looking back down over her family who is trying to cope and grow through the tragedy. It kind of just made me realize I'm not going to be here forever, and I want to start appreciating the life I'm living before it's too late.
I've realized over the past year that I'm very angry about a lot of different things. I'm currently meeting with a counsellor once a week, and while I started visiting her a couple years ago because of some post-traumatic stress disorder anxiety attacks related to something that happened when I was a kid, it's kind of gone beyond that to encompass a lot of other things I've had trouble coping with. I won't go into detail, unless you'd like me to in a future entry or something. But even then I'll try to keep it short and sweet.
Anyhow... I was diagnosed on 10/17/2002 with Multiple Sclerosis. Let's see what Mirriam Webster dot com says about MS!
Main Entry: multiple sclerosis
Function: noun
: a demyelinating disease marked by patches of hardened tissue in the brain or the spinal cord and associated especially with partial or complete paralysis and jerking muscle tremor
O_O A little scarier sounding than I ever thought of it, but hey. If you'd like to know more, visit the National Multiple Sclerosis Society's website. http://www.nationalmssociety.org/about%20ms.asp It gives a more thorough description of MS and what it can do.
Honestly, my MS is not even really bad enough to speak of. I've had some numb and tingly feelings in my face and other spots on my body, usually coming in halves-- half of my face, only one leg, one side of my head stopping in what would look like a flat line down the middle of my skull, etc. Lately, though, the numbtinglies have gotten a little more out of control, boldly going where none have gone before. I'll be visiting my doctor and my neurologist a little later this week regarding that. In the beginning of my disease, though, my symptoms were a bit worse, especially dealing with memory loss, difficulty thinking, difficulty making rational decisions, difficulty speaking [forgetting what word it is I want to say in the middle of a sentence and then just totally forgetting what I was talking about altogether], and just generally feeling like I was losing my mind.
That's one thing I'm afraid of. Losing my mind. Not really going insane, but just... being unable to function because I have such a block going on up there.
Or, eventually being unable to use my hands. I draw, and it is my best skill... so to be unable to draw in the future scares the crap out of me.
Anyway. Before this entry gets any longer, I'll wrap it up.
I've been in a relationship with a wonderful man named Adam for almost four years, and he is the love of my life. He gives me my Avonex injections once a week for my MS, so he must love me too. :)
This year, I just want to remember that I have a limited amount of time on this planet, MS or not, and I want to try to be able to cope and release some of my anger toward everything, and treat people the way I really think about them. I want to learn to show people that I care. There aren't a whole bunch of people I want to reconcile my differences with, because when I burn a bridge, it's for an extremely good reason. So rather than try to force myself to be great friends with the prats I've met, I want to learn to love the ones that really matter in my life.
I also want to move the hell out of my parents' house, as I will be 23 in March and I want to begin a life with my love. That's gonna be a hard one, though-- my mother is very hardcore Christian and has a problem with anyone "living in adultery." *rolls eyes* She's pretty much the source of a lot of my anger, if you haven't noticed. :P
I hope to make friends with all of you. I hope to offer as much feedback and help as I know you all will offer me. I hope I will be able to grow this year, in 2006. Hopefully, next time I write, I'll be able to organize my thoughts a little better and not make you all want to poke your eyes out with spoons.
Happy New Year, everybody.
Sorry if this sounds a little scattered. I get nervous talking in front of people. I know I'm not actually in front of anyone, and I'm typing rather than talking, but still. ;)
I decided this year, as one of my resolutions, to live this year as if it were my last. I wanted to start doing this yesterday, but I was a bit too hung over and I forgot. :P
I'm really glad this community is here. It's very helpful as far as having a place to say what I want to say to other people who have a similar mindset.
What really got me to want to finally begin this was that I just finished a book called The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold. Without spoiling it too much for you, the book is about a teenage girl who is raped and murdered, and about the way she learns to grow up while she's in heaven, looking back down over her family who is trying to cope and grow through the tragedy. It kind of just made me realize I'm not going to be here forever, and I want to start appreciating the life I'm living before it's too late.
I've realized over the past year that I'm very angry about a lot of different things. I'm currently meeting with a counsellor once a week, and while I started visiting her a couple years ago because of some post-traumatic stress disorder anxiety attacks related to something that happened when I was a kid, it's kind of gone beyond that to encompass a lot of other things I've had trouble coping with. I won't go into detail, unless you'd like me to in a future entry or something. But even then I'll try to keep it short and sweet.
Anyhow... I was diagnosed on 10/17/2002 with Multiple Sclerosis. Let's see what Mirriam Webster dot com says about MS!
Main Entry: multiple sclerosis
Function: noun
: a demyelinating disease marked by patches of hardened tissue in the brain or the spinal cord and associated especially with partial or complete paralysis and jerking muscle tremor
O_O A little scarier sounding than I ever thought of it, but hey. If you'd like to know more, visit the National Multiple Sclerosis Society's website. http://www.nationalmssociety.org/about%20ms.asp It gives a more thorough description of MS and what it can do.
Honestly, my MS is not even really bad enough to speak of. I've had some numb and tingly feelings in my face and other spots on my body, usually coming in halves-- half of my face, only one leg, one side of my head stopping in what would look like a flat line down the middle of my skull, etc. Lately, though, the numbtinglies have gotten a little more out of control, boldly going where none have gone before. I'll be visiting my doctor and my neurologist a little later this week regarding that. In the beginning of my disease, though, my symptoms were a bit worse, especially dealing with memory loss, difficulty thinking, difficulty making rational decisions, difficulty speaking [forgetting what word it is I want to say in the middle of a sentence and then just totally forgetting what I was talking about altogether], and just generally feeling like I was losing my mind.
That's one thing I'm afraid of. Losing my mind. Not really going insane, but just... being unable to function because I have such a block going on up there.
Or, eventually being unable to use my hands. I draw, and it is my best skill... so to be unable to draw in the future scares the crap out of me.
Anyway. Before this entry gets any longer, I'll wrap it up.
I've been in a relationship with a wonderful man named Adam for almost four years, and he is the love of my life. He gives me my Avonex injections once a week for my MS, so he must love me too. :)
This year, I just want to remember that I have a limited amount of time on this planet, MS or not, and I want to try to be able to cope and release some of my anger toward everything, and treat people the way I really think about them. I want to learn to show people that I care. There aren't a whole bunch of people I want to reconcile my differences with, because when I burn a bridge, it's for an extremely good reason. So rather than try to force myself to be great friends with the prats I've met, I want to learn to love the ones that really matter in my life.
I also want to move the hell out of my parents' house, as I will be 23 in March and I want to begin a life with my love. That's gonna be a hard one, though-- my mother is very hardcore Christian and has a problem with anyone "living in adultery." *rolls eyes* She's pretty much the source of a lot of my anger, if you haven't noticed. :P
I hope to make friends with all of you. I hope to offer as much feedback and help as I know you all will offer me. I hope I will be able to grow this year, in 2006. Hopefully, next time I write, I'll be able to organize my thoughts a little better and not make you all want to poke your eyes out with spoons.
Happy New Year, everybody.