even though you are merely dreaming, you are (not) alone
[inside Unit 01...]
The crowd stood before the boy and stared with hollow eyes and hollow faces, like apparitions. Though words left them, their mouths stayed still, their bodies frozen. He himself lay on his back, listless and broken and all sorts of numb.
Take a deep breath to steady yourself, they assured him. He did not feel assured.
Don't be afraid, they echoed again. But he was afraid.
Don't hesitate, and yet how could he not?
Just answer, but for what reason?
Who are you?
Finally, the boy found his voice and spoke.
"I'm not sure."
Not sure? But we are right in front of you.
"I don't see anything."
Then open your eyes.
He did so.
Alright. Now what do you see?
Faces he knew smiled at him, offered him helping hands and words of encouragement. Names passed his lips and faded away as quickly as they came. Sparks of recognition flared, then died down.
"Images from outside. From my world."
Yes, we have always been a part of your world. Since the very beginning. Them, as well.
Beings he knew leered at him, flexed claws and fangs and screamed like the wretched beasts they were. Monsters from a devil's nightmare, they coiled around him, seized him by the throat and squeezed until no breath remained.
"Enemy. Enemy. Enemy. The Angels... they're my enemy."
Perhaps. But don't you remember what he told you? What does it even mean, to be an enemy?
"An enemy is something to fight. To destroy."
And yet that is not always the case.
The creature called Evangelion arose from buried memories, a specter from the past. Every step it took brought pain. Weakness. Uncertainty. The boy cringed, as though to deny its existence.
"I... I didn't have a choice."
And yet there is always a choice.
"It would've destroyed everyone."
Is that why you fight? To prevent destruction?
"I don't know."
Do you fight to protect others?
"I don't know."
Do you fight for yourself?
"I don't know."
Then why?
The boy willed the voices away, or tried to. They remained. His lungs gave out, and screamed.
"I don't know!"
Then what do you know?
Kindness, warmth, humanity. Loneliness. Happiness. Heartbreak. Weren't they the same? The emotions were fleeting and indistinguishable from each other.
"I don't know anything."
Of course you do. You cannot simply forget, because it is easy, or falter, because it is hard.
"I'll just do what they tell me to do."
That is not the proper course, either.
"But if I do what they tell me to do, they'll praise me."
(Good work.)
(Do your best.)
(I'm proud of you.)
(I'm proud of you...)
"If I do what they tell me to do, father will love me."
Really? That's all you want? To be praised? To be loved?
"I thought that's what everyone wanted."
A small part of us, yes. But there is more to life.
"I don't understand."
You must try. Listen close, to the beating of your heart.
That heart thumped steadily in his chest. The boy shifted his palm over it, tuned into the vibrations.
Can you hear them? Your wishes, your desires? What are they?
"I want to pilot the Eva."
Even though it hurts?
"I want to see my friends again."
Even though they might betray you?
"I want to..."
(Liar.)
(Idiot.)
(Fool.)
(They don't want you.)
(They never did.)
"I want to go back."
Perhaps it is time.
Take a deep breath to steady yourself.
Don't be afraid.
Don't hesitate.
Just answer.
Who are you?
Shinji?
"I don't know."
The voices fell silent once more, and the boy returned to nothingness.
((This post is COMPLETELY open to everyone and anyone. You can appear as a ghost in Shinji's head, a memory, a voice, anything and everything you can think of, the trippier the better. Just specify if you're one or the other. Troll him to death, comfort him, somewhere in between, it's up to you. Just don't expect Shinji to be terribly responsive at first, depending on who you are. And sorry to those who have been waiting on me for this, I've put it off for far too long.))
The crowd stood before the boy and stared with hollow eyes and hollow faces, like apparitions. Though words left them, their mouths stayed still, their bodies frozen. He himself lay on his back, listless and broken and all sorts of numb.
Take a deep breath to steady yourself, they assured him. He did not feel assured.
Don't be afraid, they echoed again. But he was afraid.
Don't hesitate, and yet how could he not?
Just answer, but for what reason?
Who are you?
Finally, the boy found his voice and spoke.
"I'm not sure."
Not sure? But we are right in front of you.
"I don't see anything."
Then open your eyes.
He did so.
Alright. Now what do you see?
Faces he knew smiled at him, offered him helping hands and words of encouragement. Names passed his lips and faded away as quickly as they came. Sparks of recognition flared, then died down.
"Images from outside. From my world."
Yes, we have always been a part of your world. Since the very beginning. Them, as well.
Beings he knew leered at him, flexed claws and fangs and screamed like the wretched beasts they were. Monsters from a devil's nightmare, they coiled around him, seized him by the throat and squeezed until no breath remained.
"Enemy. Enemy. Enemy. The Angels... they're my enemy."
Perhaps. But don't you remember what he told you? What does it even mean, to be an enemy?
"An enemy is something to fight. To destroy."
And yet that is not always the case.
The creature called Evangelion arose from buried memories, a specter from the past. Every step it took brought pain. Weakness. Uncertainty. The boy cringed, as though to deny its existence.
"I... I didn't have a choice."
And yet there is always a choice.
"It would've destroyed everyone."
Is that why you fight? To prevent destruction?
"I don't know."
Do you fight to protect others?
"I don't know."
Do you fight for yourself?
"I don't know."
Then why?
The boy willed the voices away, or tried to. They remained. His lungs gave out, and screamed.
"I don't know!"
Then what do you know?
Kindness, warmth, humanity. Loneliness. Happiness. Heartbreak. Weren't they the same? The emotions were fleeting and indistinguishable from each other.
"I don't know anything."
Of course you do. You cannot simply forget, because it is easy, or falter, because it is hard.
"I'll just do what they tell me to do."
That is not the proper course, either.
"But if I do what they tell me to do, they'll praise me."
(Good work.)
(Do your best.)
(I'm proud of you.)
(I'm proud of you...)
"If I do what they tell me to do, father will love me."
Really? That's all you want? To be praised? To be loved?
"I thought that's what everyone wanted."
A small part of us, yes. But there is more to life.
"I don't understand."
You must try. Listen close, to the beating of your heart.
That heart thumped steadily in his chest. The boy shifted his palm over it, tuned into the vibrations.
Can you hear them? Your wishes, your desires? What are they?
"I want to pilot the Eva."
Even though it hurts?
"I want to see my friends again."
Even though they might betray you?
"I want to..."
(Liar.)
(Idiot.)
(Fool.)
(They don't want you.)
(They never did.)
"I want to go back."
Perhaps it is time.
Take a deep breath to steady yourself.
Don't be afraid.
Don't hesitate.
Just answer.
Who are you?
Shinji?
"I don't know."
The voices fell silent once more, and the boy returned to nothingness.
((This post is COMPLETELY open to everyone and anyone. You can appear as a ghost in Shinji's head, a memory, a voice, anything and everything you can think of, the trippier the better. Just specify if you're one or the other. Troll him to death, comfort him, somewhere in between, it's up to you. Just don't expect Shinji to be terribly responsive at first, depending on who you are. And sorry to those who have been waiting on me for this, I've put it off for far too long.))