Regev, funerals are for the living. And, experience has taught me, there are those that shouldn't be either.
I hope you find some peace so you can quietly reflect on all that Carl was for you and meant to you, and you can share it also with your dearest friends.
Dysfunctional families rarely get more functional in the face of loss or stress. This service was what Carl's father needed, and as hard as this may be to hear, he too has had a terrible loss, namely losing a child, one with whom there was clearly unfinished business.
That should not detract with your being widowed, even though I'm certain he doesn't see it that way. You're now free to do the things you need to do. Can you find a minyan in Peoria to be able to chant Kadish?
FYI, my own experience after losing my father and going to a synagogue to say Kadish was not a good one. One the anniversary of his death, my Friends Meeting came to my home to serve as a minyan for me. So could a community of your friends, should you feel the need.
Yes, this. This wasn't a remembrance, it was for the people who desperately wanted confirmation of the person THEY wanted him to be, by people who didn't know him.
Get together with friends who actually knew him. Have another remembrance. This time with people who gave a damn.
I thought it was Carl's dad who uttered the immortal "We've got NIBBLES!" line. I thought about telling him not to talk to you like that, but at the time I knew you still needed his cooperation on such things as the death certificate and the ashes. So instead I kept my eyes on Justin and Jamie and said quietly, "There are not enough 'What the fuck's." "I done used all mine up," replied Justin.
Who was the women who went on about stealing the "vise" from the Beards of the Northwest? Her lack of a filter left us all speechless.
I know this is rough; I know how it feels. I went through this with George's family back in 1998.
Call or visit with friends. Talk to someone. Cry on someone's shoulder. It helps. I agree- your friends who knew Carl, who know you - they are your family. Have one or more of them with you in future when you must be around any of Carl's family. Having back-up is a wonderful idea. That's why they do it in the movies.
I wish I could take away some of the pain for you, but that only happens with time.
In time, the hurt, shock and loss does get better- and you get used to the loss. In time.
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I hope you find some peace so you can quietly reflect on all that Carl was for you and meant to you, and you can share it also with your dearest friends.
*hugs*
Reply
That should not detract with your being widowed, even though I'm certain he doesn't see it that way. You're now free to do the things you need to do. Can you find a minyan in Peoria to be able to chant Kadish?
FYI, my own experience after losing my father and going to a synagogue to say Kadish was not a good one. One the anniversary of his death, my Friends Meeting came to my home to serve as a minyan for me. So could a community of your friends, should you feel the need.
Hugs
Reply
Reply
Get together with friends who actually knew him. Have another remembrance. This time with people who gave a damn.
Reply
Who was the women who went on about stealing the "vise" from the Beards of the Northwest? Her lack of a filter left us all speechless.
Reply
I went through this with George's family back in 1998.
Call or visit with friends. Talk to someone. Cry on someone's shoulder. It helps. I agree- your friends who knew Carl, who know you - they are your family. Have one or more of them with you in future when you must be around any of Carl's family. Having back-up is a wonderful idea. That's why they do it in the movies.
I wish I could take away some of the pain for you, but that only happens with time.
In time, the hurt, shock and loss does get better- and you get used to the loss. In time.
*HUGE HUGS*
Reply
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