More on the Reading with Linda
I wrote her back, but I lost it because she responded to another e-mail I sent her from a poem that she sent to me.
Me:
I’ve had this poem before and it’s just as sad as the first time I read it.
The scary part is.. if you remember our first reading..
They never gave me an answer, but I told them that when I got with Robert, I couldn’t picture myself with Robert in 10 years, but I couldn’t picture myself without him either.
It’s getting close to that 10 year mark.
Linda:
I don’t remember your first reading, except I still see Bo dancing with you, that is a picture that has stuck with me, so vivid, blue shirt, white straw had and the both of you laughing.
Anyway, I’ll be honest, I can’t picture you with someone like Robert. My perception is that you two live separate lives, you do very little together as a couple, you have separate groups of friends and he only makes time for you and Bo when he is pushed to do so. Don’t know how I came up with that perception, but he is a different “egg”. Just remember, a child growing up with a father that isn’t there emotionally is worse than growing up without one. A child growing up in a home that doesn’t share love is worse than growing up in a home with a Mother who gives him all the love in the world and the home is full of love, light of God and lots of laughter. A child growing up without a father is sometimes a good thing. Yes, I know that Robert is capable of mind and physical control, and knowing he doesn’t have it is really getting to him. The mind control efforts are getting stronger, it will then be yelling in your face, grabbing you and pushing you, then the hitting. End it before it gets to that point. I love you hon and I don’t like seeing you unhappy. It shouldn’t have to ever be a question of whether you go with Robert, doesn’t that tell you something, that there is a question? Look at the cause of the questions, not the questions.
Me:
Yes, I still see the dancing. (ah)
I never could picture with me with Robert either, but there has always been that “something” that has held us together. I’ve always dreamed of finding someone that does do things with me. You’re right, we do live separate lives. That’s another one of my reasons for staying. I was thinking if it was just us, that it could bring us closer together. He wouldn’t have anyone, and neither would I.
He is a different egg, but the way he was raised, I’m surprised that he’s not worse. He was one of those children who was sat in a high chair in front of the tv most of his developmental life, then lived with grandparents and step-mom off and on.
I can never see Robert hitting me. I can see him yelling, but it takes a lot for him to get to that point. I’m pretty outspoken when it comes to the yelling part. But I feel that if it got to him being mentally abusive, that I wouldn’t let it get any further. Bo is the most important thing in my life, and I would never jeopardize his safety.
Robert has had control issues off and on during our relationship, but he knows me well enough to know that he can’t control me no matter how hard he tries.
So, it’s scary to think that it’s a possibility that he would change once we moved.
Now, I just have to take it all in and figure out what to do and how to handle it.
Thank you so much for letting me take up a lot of your day. You have helped me more than you know.
Now, GET BACK TO WORK! :D