A Light On A Hill
Title: A Light On A Hill
Author: abandonedmem
Fandom: Chuck
Pairing: Chuck/Sarah
Spoilers: Slight spoilers for the finale.
Summary: A look at what might have happened if Chuck hadn't uploaded the new intersect and if Sarah left. Inspired by the song A Light On A Hill by Margot & The Nuclear So and So's. Oneshot.
She wanted to stay; she realized standing by the departures board. Chuck was next to her, fidgeting with something in the pocket of his coat. She didn’t ask what it was. She didn’t want to know.
“Are you sure you have to do this?” he asked a hint of hope in his voice.
“Yes,” she replied without hesitation. She wanted to stay, but she needed to go. She was bound by duty, much like a soldier going off to war. But she wasn’t exactly a soldier and she wasn’t exactly going off to war. She could say those three words that were screaming to be heard and they could live happily ever after with the perfect family and the perfect house in the suburbs. But that wasn’t the life she was meant for. She was meant to be a spy. It was in her blood and she hoped on some level he understood that.
She moved to hug him and melted as his arms wrapped around her. “I’ll see you again, right?”
“Of course.” She was glad the hug prevented her from lying to his face.
They pulled apart and she whispered goodbye as she turned and walked away from him.
-
He watched her go knowing full well it would be the last time he’d ever see her. He was oddly calm about it. That is until she disappeared from sight completely, then he couldn’t breathe. Stepping out into the cool Southern California night, he struggled to remain composed and sank into the nearest bench.
He wasn’t sure how long he sat there watching the planes take off, wondering which one was hers. Part of him expected her to run through the doors telling him she didn’t get on the plane, the other part knew he should have chased after her and stopped her from leaving.
Later that night he went to their spot on the beach. The day’s events kept running through his mind like a movie. Only, if this was a movie the hero wouldn’t have died and the nerd would have run into that airport dodging security to get the girl. That’s how he saw Bryce: as the hero. He had given his life to save the world. Something he feared Sarah would also have to do.
I don’t want to save the world. Her voice echoed in his head. If she hadn’t wanted to save the world, why had she left?
-
The first year had gone by the slowest. After that everything started to melt together and she couldn’t hear his voice or even picture him perfectly anymore. Sarah Walker died a little every time she took on a new identity and with her so did the memory of Chuck Bartowski.
Now five years later the only thing she could really remember about him was that she loved him. The only thing she remembered about herself was that she used to be blonde. For the past year and a half she had been a brunette living in Russia going by the name Svetlana. Before that she was red headed Chantal in Paris. Then there was the raven haired vixen Ivana who did some damage in Prague. She couldn’t remember who else she had been before that.
That was the hazard of being a spy. It didn’t really bother her. After all, she had chosen this life. Still, sometimes it felt like she was running away, like she was scared of that perfect suburban life. Times like this she would let herself think of him. Did he have a wife? A family? Was he happy? It would be easy to find out. Just enter his name into the CIA database and she would have her answers, but long ago she swore she would never do that. She was scared of what she’d find.
-
For awhile he’d see her everywhere he went. All it would take was a flash of long blonde hair and his heart would start racing. He’d even chased a few of those girl’s, but they were never her. Eight years later he didn’t have that problem anymore. He could smell lavender and not instantly think of her and meeting girls named Sarah did not send him into a downward spiral. He did try to think of her though. She was all alone out there. She deserved to have someone to care about her. So he prayed for her safety, prayed that if she had to die it would be quick and painless, but most of all he prayed she would come back. That’s one thing that hadn’t changed in eight years. He still wanted her to come back.
Everything else . . . everything else was different. He worked for a software developer, a great paying job that bought him his house. He only saw his sister and Awesome on the weekends when he drove to their house in the Valley. Their daughter just turned five and a brother was on the way. He liked being an uncle. Morgan and Anna had gotten married and moved into a house not too far from his.
There had been girls in his life. Many of them didn’t stay too long. He wasn’t sure if it was because he grew distant when things got serious or if they could tell his whole heart was never in it. Kate lasted the longest. She was a tall brunette who worked in the building next to his. Her smile lit up a room and she never lied to him. It took him longer than usual to tell her he loved her, she had actually said it first. She moved in and he bought a ring. He had set up an elaborate proposal. Dinner at the most expensive restaurant in town, moonlit walk on the beach, then back to their house where Morgan had lit a bunch of candles and sprinkled rose petals. Kate would have loved it. But he couldn’t do it. He had made it all the way to the front door, had the ring in his hand, and his speech on the tip of his tongue, but when he looked at her all he saw was Sarah.
Ellie was disappointed, but understood. She suggested he try and find Sarah. It was impossible, he knew. Once he had even dug up Casey’s phone number and almost called him, but thought better of it. If Sarah wanted to come back she would.
-
She saw him once, eleven years after they first parted. She was in the Cayman Islands searching for an elusive drug and weapons smuggler and couldn’t wait to get out of the tourist trap. The town square was filled with happy families and shopkeepers, which made it hard to spot her informant. A little girl caught her eye. She was sitting alone on a stone bench and something drew Sarah to her.
“Are you lost?” she asked sitting next to the girl on the bench.
Warm brown eyes looked up at her and nodded. “I don’t know where my mommy went. We were shopping and I went to look at a toy then she was gone.”
“What’s your name?”
“Becca Woodcomb.”
No wonder the brown eyes looked familiar. “Alright, Becca. Let’s see if we can find your parents.” They stood up and the little girl took her hand. It was weird to think that in another life she could have been the little girl’s aunt. They walked through the town square looking for Ellie and Awesome. Fifteen minutes later she spotted them around a corner. She knelt next to the girl and pointed in their direction.
“Are those your parents?”
The girl nodded excitedly and started to run off then quickly turned back and hugged Sarah.
“Thank you.” She watched the girl run to her parents then melted into the shadows. Ellie enveloped the girl in a hug and Awesom put his arm around them both while holding a little boy. They motioned for someone and her heart skipped a beat. Chuck came into view, a look of relief on his face. She drank him in. He looked good. He looked happy. Which was enough for her. By the time the little girl pointed in her direction, to show them her savior, Sarah was gone.
-
After sixteen years apart he had mostly given up hope. He made peace with it long ago. He spent some time being angry, lonely, and depressed, but not anymore. He continued to date on and off, but Sarah was the only girl for him. He was content with his life which was all he could really ask for.
Their father had died two years ago. He stopped by the cemetery every few months to lay flowers on his grave. Today was one of those days. There was a funeral a few yards from him and he was drawn to it. He hid himself in the shadow of a tree, not wanting to disrupt the proceedings or disrespect the family. The preacher was reading a bible verse and the few mourners that were there hung their heads in prayer. It was sad, he thought, that this person had so few people that cared about them.
One by one the mourners stepped forward, placing flowers on the casket, then walked away. Only one man stayed. He was tall, imposing even, but his back was to Chuck. They both watched as the coffin was slowly lowered into the ground. His heart sank deeper into his chest as the mahogany box disappeared from sight.
“How did you know?” a voice asked.
His head shot up and found the speaker. The last mourner had turned and was facing him.
“Casey?”
Casey was now standing next to him, his face ragged and tired. It took a moment for him to figure out what was happening, but when he did he felt like he might pass out. A jagged breath escaped his lips and he closed his eyes.
“I-I was just . . . I didn’t know.”
“Sorry Bartowski,” was all Casey offered.
“How?”
“That’s classified. But I can tell you she saved a lot of lives the night she died.”
“You should have told me. She deserved a better funeral than this.”
“At least she got one. Most of us only get a star on a wall.”
They were silent for a few moments staring at the grave in front of them.
“I think she’d want you to have this.” Casey reached into his pocket and handed him his mother’s charm bracelet. “They found it on her the night she died.” Chuck could only nod. Sarah was dead. He clutched the charm bracelet for dear life and walked up to her grave. He sat there for hours staring at the granite headstone.
-
Seeing your own grave was quite an odd experience. Four years after her supposed death, Sarah Walker stood staring at her headstone. The CIA said it was safe to come out of hiding. She had pissed off some really powerful terrorists and it was best for her to disappear for awhile. Now the terrorists had been caught and she had resigned. It was time. Her body couldn’t take anymore beatings and after spending the majority of her life with the CIA she just couldn’t do it anymore.
For the first time in a long time she had nowhere to be, no orders to follow. What was she supposed to do now? She knew what she wanted to do. She wanted to go see Chuck. All she had was an address. For all she knew he was married with kids. Seeing him again instilled a type of fear that not even torturers and terrorists could produce. She knew she had to take the chance. Even the worst case scenario let her see him again.
The drive to his house took longer than she anticipated. By the time she got there she was so nervous she could barely breathe. She noticed two boys playing outside. They couldn’t have been more than eight years old. Her heart sank. The curly haired one on the right was definitely a Bartowski, the rational part of her said it could also be the Woodcomb’s son. The other boy was unmistakably Morgan’s son, she observed with a smile. Well, she had come this far she might as well go all the way. She started up the driveway when she heard a voice.
“Come in boys, it’s time for dinner.”
It took a moment for the girl to notice her, but when she did a look of recognition crossed her face. “Oh my God. It’s you! You’re the woman who found me and took me back to my parents.”
“Becca?”
The girl smiled and beamed at her. “Mom, Dad, come here!”
Great, if she was nervous before she was terrified now. Chuck she could handle, but having to explain herself to everyone was going to be exhausting. She didn’t want to lie anymore.
“What’s up Bec?” Awesome asked emerging from the house.
“I want you guys to meet someone. This is the woman who saved me when I was eight. I’m sorry, I don’t know your name,” she said looking back to her, but Sarah’s eyes were focused on Ellie’s.
“Sarah,” she breathed. “Is that really you?”
Before she could even nod, Ellie was in her arms. They all laughed when Devon let out a loud, “awesome”. Already, Sarah knew she made the right decision coming back.
“We thought we’d never see you again!”
Her response was to squeeze them tighter, relishing the human contact.
“Guys what’s going on out here? Morgan’s eating all the . . .”
Their eyes locked and she was vaguely aware that Ellie and Awesome had let her go and had taken the children inside. They just stared at each other. They didn’t say anything, they didn’t need to.
She was crying now and he quickly closed the distance between them and kissed her. It was one of those “the world is falling apart around us and we don’t even notice” kisses and it was perfect.
“I thought you were dead.”
“I’m sorry. It’s over now though. I resigned.”
He pushed a stray piece of hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead. She sighed and laid her head against his chest. “I love you,” she whispered.
“I love you too,” the smile in his voice was unmistakable. She smiled and took his hand. It felt good to finally be home.
Author: abandonedmem
Fandom: Chuck
Pairing: Chuck/Sarah
Spoilers: Slight spoilers for the finale.
Summary: A look at what might have happened if Chuck hadn't uploaded the new intersect and if Sarah left. Inspired by the song A Light On A Hill by Margot & The Nuclear So and So's. Oneshot.
She wanted to stay; she realized standing by the departures board. Chuck was next to her, fidgeting with something in the pocket of his coat. She didn’t ask what it was. She didn’t want to know.
“Are you sure you have to do this?” he asked a hint of hope in his voice.
“Yes,” she replied without hesitation. She wanted to stay, but she needed to go. She was bound by duty, much like a soldier going off to war. But she wasn’t exactly a soldier and she wasn’t exactly going off to war. She could say those three words that were screaming to be heard and they could live happily ever after with the perfect family and the perfect house in the suburbs. But that wasn’t the life she was meant for. She was meant to be a spy. It was in her blood and she hoped on some level he understood that.
She moved to hug him and melted as his arms wrapped around her. “I’ll see you again, right?”
“Of course.” She was glad the hug prevented her from lying to his face.
They pulled apart and she whispered goodbye as she turned and walked away from him.
-
He watched her go knowing full well it would be the last time he’d ever see her. He was oddly calm about it. That is until she disappeared from sight completely, then he couldn’t breathe. Stepping out into the cool Southern California night, he struggled to remain composed and sank into the nearest bench.
He wasn’t sure how long he sat there watching the planes take off, wondering which one was hers. Part of him expected her to run through the doors telling him she didn’t get on the plane, the other part knew he should have chased after her and stopped her from leaving.
Later that night he went to their spot on the beach. The day’s events kept running through his mind like a movie. Only, if this was a movie the hero wouldn’t have died and the nerd would have run into that airport dodging security to get the girl. That’s how he saw Bryce: as the hero. He had given his life to save the world. Something he feared Sarah would also have to do.
I don’t want to save the world. Her voice echoed in his head. If she hadn’t wanted to save the world, why had she left?
-
The first year had gone by the slowest. After that everything started to melt together and she couldn’t hear his voice or even picture him perfectly anymore. Sarah Walker died a little every time she took on a new identity and with her so did the memory of Chuck Bartowski.
Now five years later the only thing she could really remember about him was that she loved him. The only thing she remembered about herself was that she used to be blonde. For the past year and a half she had been a brunette living in Russia going by the name Svetlana. Before that she was red headed Chantal in Paris. Then there was the raven haired vixen Ivana who did some damage in Prague. She couldn’t remember who else she had been before that.
That was the hazard of being a spy. It didn’t really bother her. After all, she had chosen this life. Still, sometimes it felt like she was running away, like she was scared of that perfect suburban life. Times like this she would let herself think of him. Did he have a wife? A family? Was he happy? It would be easy to find out. Just enter his name into the CIA database and she would have her answers, but long ago she swore she would never do that. She was scared of what she’d find.
-
For awhile he’d see her everywhere he went. All it would take was a flash of long blonde hair and his heart would start racing. He’d even chased a few of those girl’s, but they were never her. Eight years later he didn’t have that problem anymore. He could smell lavender and not instantly think of her and meeting girls named Sarah did not send him into a downward spiral. He did try to think of her though. She was all alone out there. She deserved to have someone to care about her. So he prayed for her safety, prayed that if she had to die it would be quick and painless, but most of all he prayed she would come back. That’s one thing that hadn’t changed in eight years. He still wanted her to come back.
Everything else . . . everything else was different. He worked for a software developer, a great paying job that bought him his house. He only saw his sister and Awesome on the weekends when he drove to their house in the Valley. Their daughter just turned five and a brother was on the way. He liked being an uncle. Morgan and Anna had gotten married and moved into a house not too far from his.
There had been girls in his life. Many of them didn’t stay too long. He wasn’t sure if it was because he grew distant when things got serious or if they could tell his whole heart was never in it. Kate lasted the longest. She was a tall brunette who worked in the building next to his. Her smile lit up a room and she never lied to him. It took him longer than usual to tell her he loved her, she had actually said it first. She moved in and he bought a ring. He had set up an elaborate proposal. Dinner at the most expensive restaurant in town, moonlit walk on the beach, then back to their house where Morgan had lit a bunch of candles and sprinkled rose petals. Kate would have loved it. But he couldn’t do it. He had made it all the way to the front door, had the ring in his hand, and his speech on the tip of his tongue, but when he looked at her all he saw was Sarah.
Ellie was disappointed, but understood. She suggested he try and find Sarah. It was impossible, he knew. Once he had even dug up Casey’s phone number and almost called him, but thought better of it. If Sarah wanted to come back she would.
-
She saw him once, eleven years after they first parted. She was in the Cayman Islands searching for an elusive drug and weapons smuggler and couldn’t wait to get out of the tourist trap. The town square was filled with happy families and shopkeepers, which made it hard to spot her informant. A little girl caught her eye. She was sitting alone on a stone bench and something drew Sarah to her.
“Are you lost?” she asked sitting next to the girl on the bench.
Warm brown eyes looked up at her and nodded. “I don’t know where my mommy went. We were shopping and I went to look at a toy then she was gone.”
“What’s your name?”
“Becca Woodcomb.”
No wonder the brown eyes looked familiar. “Alright, Becca. Let’s see if we can find your parents.” They stood up and the little girl took her hand. It was weird to think that in another life she could have been the little girl’s aunt. They walked through the town square looking for Ellie and Awesome. Fifteen minutes later she spotted them around a corner. She knelt next to the girl and pointed in their direction.
“Are those your parents?”
The girl nodded excitedly and started to run off then quickly turned back and hugged Sarah.
“Thank you.” She watched the girl run to her parents then melted into the shadows. Ellie enveloped the girl in a hug and Awesom put his arm around them both while holding a little boy. They motioned for someone and her heart skipped a beat. Chuck came into view, a look of relief on his face. She drank him in. He looked good. He looked happy. Which was enough for her. By the time the little girl pointed in her direction, to show them her savior, Sarah was gone.
-
After sixteen years apart he had mostly given up hope. He made peace with it long ago. He spent some time being angry, lonely, and depressed, but not anymore. He continued to date on and off, but Sarah was the only girl for him. He was content with his life which was all he could really ask for.
Their father had died two years ago. He stopped by the cemetery every few months to lay flowers on his grave. Today was one of those days. There was a funeral a few yards from him and he was drawn to it. He hid himself in the shadow of a tree, not wanting to disrupt the proceedings or disrespect the family. The preacher was reading a bible verse and the few mourners that were there hung their heads in prayer. It was sad, he thought, that this person had so few people that cared about them.
One by one the mourners stepped forward, placing flowers on the casket, then walked away. Only one man stayed. He was tall, imposing even, but his back was to Chuck. They both watched as the coffin was slowly lowered into the ground. His heart sank deeper into his chest as the mahogany box disappeared from sight.
“How did you know?” a voice asked.
His head shot up and found the speaker. The last mourner had turned and was facing him.
“Casey?”
Casey was now standing next to him, his face ragged and tired. It took a moment for him to figure out what was happening, but when he did he felt like he might pass out. A jagged breath escaped his lips and he closed his eyes.
“I-I was just . . . I didn’t know.”
“Sorry Bartowski,” was all Casey offered.
“How?”
“That’s classified. But I can tell you she saved a lot of lives the night she died.”
“You should have told me. She deserved a better funeral than this.”
“At least she got one. Most of us only get a star on a wall.”
They were silent for a few moments staring at the grave in front of them.
“I think she’d want you to have this.” Casey reached into his pocket and handed him his mother’s charm bracelet. “They found it on her the night she died.” Chuck could only nod. Sarah was dead. He clutched the charm bracelet for dear life and walked up to her grave. He sat there for hours staring at the granite headstone.
-
Seeing your own grave was quite an odd experience. Four years after her supposed death, Sarah Walker stood staring at her headstone. The CIA said it was safe to come out of hiding. She had pissed off some really powerful terrorists and it was best for her to disappear for awhile. Now the terrorists had been caught and she had resigned. It was time. Her body couldn’t take anymore beatings and after spending the majority of her life with the CIA she just couldn’t do it anymore.
For the first time in a long time she had nowhere to be, no orders to follow. What was she supposed to do now? She knew what she wanted to do. She wanted to go see Chuck. All she had was an address. For all she knew he was married with kids. Seeing him again instilled a type of fear that not even torturers and terrorists could produce. She knew she had to take the chance. Even the worst case scenario let her see him again.
The drive to his house took longer than she anticipated. By the time she got there she was so nervous she could barely breathe. She noticed two boys playing outside. They couldn’t have been more than eight years old. Her heart sank. The curly haired one on the right was definitely a Bartowski, the rational part of her said it could also be the Woodcomb’s son. The other boy was unmistakably Morgan’s son, she observed with a smile. Well, she had come this far she might as well go all the way. She started up the driveway when she heard a voice.
“Come in boys, it’s time for dinner.”
It took a moment for the girl to notice her, but when she did a look of recognition crossed her face. “Oh my God. It’s you! You’re the woman who found me and took me back to my parents.”
“Becca?”
The girl smiled and beamed at her. “Mom, Dad, come here!”
Great, if she was nervous before she was terrified now. Chuck she could handle, but having to explain herself to everyone was going to be exhausting. She didn’t want to lie anymore.
“What’s up Bec?” Awesome asked emerging from the house.
“I want you guys to meet someone. This is the woman who saved me when I was eight. I’m sorry, I don’t know your name,” she said looking back to her, but Sarah’s eyes were focused on Ellie’s.
“Sarah,” she breathed. “Is that really you?”
Before she could even nod, Ellie was in her arms. They all laughed when Devon let out a loud, “awesome”. Already, Sarah knew she made the right decision coming back.
“We thought we’d never see you again!”
Her response was to squeeze them tighter, relishing the human contact.
“Guys what’s going on out here? Morgan’s eating all the . . .”
Their eyes locked and she was vaguely aware that Ellie and Awesome had let her go and had taken the children inside. They just stared at each other. They didn’t say anything, they didn’t need to.
She was crying now and he quickly closed the distance between them and kissed her. It was one of those “the world is falling apart around us and we don’t even notice” kisses and it was perfect.
“I thought you were dead.”
“I’m sorry. It’s over now though. I resigned.”
He pushed a stray piece of hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead. She sighed and laid her head against his chest. “I love you,” she whispered.
“I love you too,” the smile in his voice was unmistakable. She smiled and took his hand. It felt good to finally be home.