Every pickle you eat brings you nearer to death.
(nicked from Lorelei)
Amazingly, the "thinking man" has failed to grasp the terrifying significance of the term, "in a pickle."
Although leading horticulturists have long known that Cucmis sativus possesses an indehiscent pepo, the pickle industry continues to expand.
Pickles are associated with all the major diseases of the body. For example, nearly all sick people have eaten pickles. The effects are obviously cumulative:
1. 99.9% of all people who die from cancer have eaten pickles.
2. 100% of all soldiers have eaten pickles.
3. 96.9 % of all Communist sympathizers have eaten pickles.
4. 99.7% of the people involved in air and auto accidents ate pickles within 14 days preceding the accident.
5. 93.1% of juvenile delinquents came from homes where pickles were served frequently.
Evidence points to the long-term effects of pickle-eating: Of all the people born in 1839 who later dined on pickles, there has been a 100% mortality rate. All pickle-eaters born between 1889 and 1899 have wrinkled skin, have lost most of their teeth, have brittle bones and failing eyesight--if the ills of eating pickles have not already caused their death.
Even more convincing is the report of a noted team of medical specialists. Rats forced-fed with 20 pounds of pickles per day for 30 days developed bulging abdomens. Their appetites for wholesome food were destroyed.
In spite of all the evidence, pickle growers and packers continue to spread their evil. More than 120,000 acres of fertile U S soil are devoted to growing pickles. Our per capita consumption is nearly four pounds.
Amazingly, the "thinking man" has failed to grasp the terrifying significance of the term, "in a pickle."
Although leading horticulturists have long known that Cucmis sativus possesses an indehiscent pepo, the pickle industry continues to expand.
Pickles are associated with all the major diseases of the body. For example, nearly all sick people have eaten pickles. The effects are obviously cumulative:
1. 99.9% of all people who die from cancer have eaten pickles.
2. 100% of all soldiers have eaten pickles.
3. 96.9 % of all Communist sympathizers have eaten pickles.
4. 99.7% of the people involved in air and auto accidents ate pickles within 14 days preceding the accident.
5. 93.1% of juvenile delinquents came from homes where pickles were served frequently.
Evidence points to the long-term effects of pickle-eating: Of all the people born in 1839 who later dined on pickles, there has been a 100% mortality rate. All pickle-eaters born between 1889 and 1899 have wrinkled skin, have lost most of their teeth, have brittle bones and failing eyesight--if the ills of eating pickles have not already caused their death.
Even more convincing is the report of a noted team of medical specialists. Rats forced-fed with 20 pounds of pickles per day for 30 days developed bulging abdomens. Their appetites for wholesome food were destroyed.
In spite of all the evidence, pickle growers and packers continue to spread their evil. More than 120,000 acres of fertile U S soil are devoted to growing pickles. Our per capita consumption is nearly four pounds.