Hole in your Face 4/4
Somewhere, and he had absolutely no idea where that was, Baekhyun stood in front of a dead body lying on the floor of an apartment that seemed vaguely familiar.
The body was so distorted, so broken and bloody and shredded to pieces that Baekhyun could only make out a few fingers lying severed and scattered in a puddle of something so gooey he doubted it was only blood that had leaked out of the body.
There was a head, skull smashed in and eyes hanging out, but Baekhyun couldn't recognize the person behind the burnt and distortedly molten skin.
He breathed heavily and felt his stomach turning, but when he wanted to squeeze his eyes shut he realized that he couldn't. He blinked and felt with confusion... that he could.
Baekhyun looked down to stare at the corpse again, but this time felt a sense of vertigo, as if the floor was too far away from where he was staring down at it. He frowned, but only realized what was going on when he sank down to his feet to sit.
His body wasn't moving- only that it did! But not the one standing in front of the corpse, just Baekhyun's body the one he felt and that still seemed to stare down at the horribly disfigured body from too far above even though he just sat down. His frown deepened, but it didn't take him long to understand.
He was still in his head. Somewhere at the outer parts of his sanity maybe, with a direct link to his real eyes. Baekhyun realized that he was an insubstantial body inside of his real body which was standing in front of...of who actually?
Who was the pitiable, ripped and violated body bleeding out on the floor?
'You know who' A small and familiar voice whispered, but when Baekhyun turned his head he was alone.
Hyung? He asked aloud, his heart in pain as it jumped in desperate yearning for the older twin. But no one answered and Baekhyun sniffled in hopelessness. He wanted to go home.
He didn't want to be here, he didn't want to be alone- god! He never wanted to be alone again, and he didn't want to stare at what little was left of Chanyeol after his hyung had killed him-
Baekhyun gasped, his eyes widening in realization and his head snapped around to stare at the corpse in disbelief.
It was Chanyeol. Or what was left of him when Hyung had killed him. 'Before he killed us, I had to protect you, Baekhyun. I promised.'
Baekhyun shuddered, but oddly enough there were no tears in his eyes. Slowly the memories came back. Everything he had pushed away, everything that had no place in his beautiful world far away from reality. Everything he never wanted to remember again- it all came back.
He remembered the day he met Hyung, when his father and his real brother had hurt him after a week of starving him. He had been six and Hyung had been there all of a sudden- a stronger version of himself to wrap him in his arms. He had told him pretty things, distant memories of their mother who had smelled of flowers and who had loved them so much.
He remembered the day he met Jongdae, his imaginary friend when no one at school had wanted to sit beside him and play with him. He had been eight, dirty and with the haunted look of a wounded animal in his eyes. Jongdae had licked those wounds and had become his best friend, always there for him in the world outside of home.
He remembered the day he met Chanyeol, 16 years old and staring longingly at the high schoolers in their uniforms while he'd stocked up the shelves of the small convenience store right at the school's front gate. Chanyeol had been a senior about to graduate, a customer who saw the hopeless yearning in his eyes and gave him a little bit of normality by pulling him outside of the shop and dragging him along the school grounds. They had started to date after that, their hands entwined as they had run from the disciplinary committee members.
He remembered moving in with Chanyeol, leaving his abusive childhood behind only to slip onto an even more ill-fated path.
He remembered the fear when Chanyeol had changed for the first time, the pain when he had cut and beat scars on his body. He remembered their peaceful days gradually turning into a sustained nightmare. He remembered Hyung holding him together until it became too much, too painful, so unbearable that he broke to pieces and left his twin, that braver fragment of himself, to mend what had been left of him.
He remembered the home he built in his soul. His small apartment full of dried flowers, smelling sweetly and reminding him of his mother, just as Hyung's tattoos did- a flower to mend his broken soul for every scar killing him little by little.
Baekhyun shuddered and squeezed his eyes shut to hold back the tears. It wasn't the apartment in his mind that was his soul, he realized. It were the flowers inked on Hyung's skin. The delicate feelings of hope and love and protection his twin had put over the marks of hate and abuse to make Baekhyun understand just how precious he was, how loved he was.
Outside of his head the pain had been reality and Chanyeol's abuse had been his life. But here in his head Hyung's feelings for him were his soul, a million times stronger than his abused heart.
Baekhyun sobbed and wrapped his arms around himself. He wanted to go home, he wanted to go home- he wanted to go home to his hyung.
Chanyeol was staring contentedly at the dead boy in front of him. Hyung's face had turned a lovely shade of purple and Chanyeol chuckled as he grabbed a few of those miserably dried flowers scattered all around the apartment and flicked them on his motionless body.
"Rest in peace, bitch," He laughed and turned to grab the younger twin. He almost doubled over when he saw Baekhyun standing on his feet, an unfathomable look in his eyes.
"Baekhyunnie!" He exclaimed and his mouth twitched, "You're back- a bit too late I'm afraid. Your hyung's already dead. But let me get rid of the blood on my hands and I'll love you good in his place, hmn?"
Baekhyun stared at him as if he didn't understand a word of what he said and shrugging Chanyeol stepped closer. He didn't mind keeping the younger twin even if he was broken beyond repair. He looked so cute staring up at him with his wide eyes. Chanyeol smiled and wiped the older twin's blood from his face.
"You can't kill Hyung," Baekhyun's soft voice cut through his thoughts and surprised Chanyeol turned his eyes back on him. "You're not even real- You're just as real as I let you."
Chanyeol's smile only slipped for a second before he had it back under control. He was in front of Baekhyun in three long strides and pulled the boy into his bloodied arms almost tenderly. Baekhyun let him, oddly passive, only staring ahead when his face was pressed against Chanyeol's starched shirt.
Chanyeol's hands were slipping under his sweater, one running wet palms up and down his spine, the other following the gentle curve of his side. Baekhyun shivered in his boyfriend's hold when Chanyeol's fingers dipped along his ribs. The senior was cooing at him, gripping his skin and rubbing circles on the bruises he pinched as if to soothe. When he pushed the boy's abdomen firmly against his pelvis, Baekhyun wasn't surprised to notice that Chanyeol was hard.
"Oh Baekhyunnie," Chanyeol groaned as he buried his nose in the boy's pink hair. "You have no idea how much I want you. I want to fuck you bathed in your brother's blood."
Baekhyun blinked and finally reached out to clutch Chanyeol's black coat in his pale fingers. The way his long digits sunk and shone so brightly in contrast to the dark cloth reminded Baekhyun of naked bones and with a shudder he thought of the way Chanyeol's corpse was lying ripped to pieces in the real world.
"Oh baby, are you trembling?" Chanyeol laughed, one of his hands slipping under the waistband of Baekhyun's jeans. It cupped an ass cheek before gripping the flesh tightly, the harsh touch jolting Baekhyun out of his numbness. "I'm going to give it to you so good."
He felt Chanyeol grinding against him, his hard cock pressing firmly against his unresponsive crotch. He felt his boyfriend's large hands on his body, wet and sticky with his hyung's blood. He felt Chanyeol's hot breath on his skin and his arousal in the way his fingers dug bruises into him.
Baekhyun leaned into his boyfriend's touch, raising on his tiptoes to crane his neck over Chanyeol's shoulder. He was leaning against the senior completely, but Chanyeol's arms and hands were gripping him so tight that he had no fear of losing his balance. Instead he stared at where Hyung was lying dead and broken in his own blood.
Baekhyun gasped when fingers dipped along the cleft between his ass cheeks, his breathing becoming stained when Chanyeol bore fingers inside his hole. He was still staring at his hyung, his eyes slowly filling with tears when he realized how truly broken his world was.
What he loved was dead and what he had run away from followed him into his dreams to catch him and turn everything into a nightmare again.
Baekhyun choked when Chanyeol thrusted his fingers deep inside his channel and cried out at the way the senior's nails cut into his walls. He squeezed his eyes shut in distress and suppressed the sobs.
It was time to end it. It was time to let go of his heart and to mend his soul by himself.
Baekhyun felt his eyes swimming with tears as he opened them and stared at the flowers Chanyeol had thrown on top of his murdered hyung's body.
'A petal for every word of hate, for every mark of pain, for every drop of blood you shed. Because you are so sweet, so innocent and so lovely. And because you only deserved to be loved and given good things. Because you should have grown up so loved and so protected.'
Hyung, Baekhyun cried in his head and his heart seized in his chest as the tears finally slid down his cheeks. I'm so sorry Hyung, I'm so sorry. I should have believed you, but I wanted to forget it all.
He cried out when Chanyeol crooked his fingers and rubbed his insides so harshly that he felt his knees weakening. The senior was still cooing at him, his tall body trembling with the suppressed urge to rip Baekhyun apart.
Baekhyun felt his heart twisting in his chest, the last bit of his desperate wish that Chanyeol wasn't what he now knew him to be. He felt it tear and break when he listened to the senior mutter words to him, whispers of how he'd destroy Baekhyun little by little, tenderly even, until he'd be shaped and moulded and reduced to nothing more than what Chanyeol wanted him to be.
"I'll take your world away, Baekhyunnie. Because that should be me, I should be your everything."
"But you're not," Baekhyun whispered, finally breaking his silence.
He felt Chanyeol's fingers freezing on his body, but ignored the way it had goosebumps forming all over his skin. Nothing of this was real anyway and a sense of calm and cold, too, spread over his whole body. His muddled thoughts became crystal clear and for a second Baekhyun knew exactly what was going to happen, what he had to do and to where everything would lead.
Chanyeol was slipping his fingers out of him to grab his bony shoulders and to push him away from his broad chest. He stared down at Baekhyun with his dark eyes, his snide smile still dancing on his lips. But there was flashing something though his eyes, something akin to discontent. It brought a faint smile on Baekhyun's own lips.
"I'm everything that's left to you," Chanyeol hissed, his nails digging into Baekhyun's bones. "You have nothing but me. Now be a good little slut and go back to your broken self."
How, Baekhyun thought as he stared at Chanyeol and felt pain and revulsion churning in his guts, did he allow this ghost of a nightmare to hurt him like this. Why did he allow Chanyeol into his world when he run to hide from him?
'Because you loved him. You loved him for so long and so so much, but it's enough now, Baekhyun. Let go of him, baby. It's okay.'
"I loved you," Baekhyun whispered, the words weighting a ton on his tongue. "I loved you- more than Hyung, more than Jongdae, more than-"
"Oh yeah" Chanyeol scoffed as he interrupted him. "Jongdae- Your imaginary friend. You made him quite the looker- I always wondered what he'd be like." He shook his head, but his eyes were amused. "You're such a messed up broken shit, do you even know that?"
He let go of Baekhyun's shoulder with one of his hands to snatch the boy's chin between his rough fingers as he leaned in. "Who will even bother with you if not me? You're such a worthless, broken shit, Baekhyunnie."
Baekhyun breathed in heavily his eyes glancing away from Chanyeol to stare behind him at Hyung. The fingers on his chin tightened and Baekhyun flinched when his head was jerked up to force him to stare at Chanyeol.
"I killed him, you only have me now." Chanyeol's voice was silky soft as it whispered to him mellifluously. "I'm your everything now."
Baekhyun shuddered, but shook his head. It only widened the smile on Chanyeol's lips.
"Oh yes, Baekhyunnie. You know it's true. You gave me your heart and I killed your soul," Chanyeol's thumb stroked softly along the curve of his jaw. "What's left of you belongs to me now. And I promise I'll keep good care of you for a long long time before I kill you."
"You can't kill my soul!" Baekhyun sobbed out, jerking his head out of Chanyeol's hands. "You can't kill Hyung. You can't kill anyone, Chanyeol. This is my world. It's enough!" His voice was barely above a whisper and he was fighting the tears, but he meant every word and by the way Chanyeol tensed he knew the senior realized this as well.
He pushed his boyfriend away from himself, feeling sick and miserable when Chanyeol stared at him with nothing but hatred in his eyes.
"If you kill me now you'll be all alone," He hissed and his mouth twisted into a terrible, cruel grimace. "And we both know how you can't be alone to save your fucking life!" Chanyeol burst out laughing. "Literally!"
'Baekhyun' a voice sighed before Baekhyun could break down in tears at Chanyeol's words.
I know, Hyung, he thought as he closed his eyes and shook his head. I'll end it now. I'll let go.
"Listen to me, bitch!" Chanyeol's bloodied hands reached out for him and Baekhyun watched them lung at him with indifferent eyes. He felt detached now, almost numb as he stared at what was left of his ideal version of Chanyeol.
Everything he had loved and everything he had clung to was this distorted nightmare of his sweetest memory- the day Chanyeol had saved him with his love. But it wasn't Chanyeol who had made sure he wouldn't fall apart in the end. It hadn't been Chanyeol who had kept him save.
"I'm going to destroy you! I'll do it now, I'll fucking kill y-"
In the blink of an eye Chanyeol ceased to exist and Baekhyun exhaled, inhaled and exhaled and let it all go.
-
He was standing in a field of dried flowers.
Around him his world was dissolving into fog, the silence swallowing every sound and every color besides the soundlessly swaying plants around him. The flowers were shedding their dead petals when he started crying and Baekhyun wished the remnants of his world away as he sunk down on the ground. His shaking fingers clutched some of the scattered flowers in his hands as he sobbed into his knees. He wanted his twin back. He wanted everything to be good and right again. He wanted his twin back.
He needed him so much and wanted to feel his strong arms around his body, because all alone he felt like breaking apart. Chanyeol was right about that, he couldn't survive being alone- he never had been good coping with it and he had always resorted to the most drastic way to escape it, breaking apart and creating Hyung and Jongdae.
But where was Hyung now? Why didn't he come to save him?
It wasn't long until the soft touch of fingers running through his hair shook him out of his misery. With a gasp Baekhyun jerked up his head, his wet eyes widening when he saw Hyung kneeling next to him and looking at him with sad eyes.
"Baekhyun," his twin called and when he took back his hand to awkwardly spread his arms for him Baekhyun didn't hesitate to throw himself against his brother's chest.
"Hyung," he sobbed. "Hyung-"
He was rocked gently, his brother's hands never stopping to run up and down his back. Baekhyun clutched his brother's hoody tightly in his fingers, tucking his head under his twin's chin to breathe in the comforting scent that clung to his skin. With his nose pressed against Hyung's neck Baekhyun felt the waves of sadness and pain and loneliness calming down instead of drowning him.
"It's okay, baby," Hyung murmured, his face tilting to bed it on top of Baekhyun's head. "You called me back and I'll never leave you again."
Baekhyun muffled a sob, hidden in the crook of his twin's neck when he doubled over and grabbled along Hyung's broad shoulders with shaking fingers. He was so afraid to let go.
"I love you so much, Baekhyun. You created me to protect you and I promise you that I will, forever. You're the most important thing to me- in both worlds! I'll keep you safe from everything."
It was quiet for a while, the twins just sitting in a tight embrace in the middle of the dead flower field.
"What happens to us now?" Baekhyun whispered against Hyung's skin, the tip of his nose rubbing against his brother's jugular in a silent plea for more comfort.
Hyung's arms tightened around him and a kiss was pressed to the top of his head. Around them the dead flowers rustled in a sudden upwind and Baekhyun shivered in his brother's arms.
"You'll rebuild your world that you love so much. Not...as a place to hide. But as your sanctuary. A place where you can be happy. You know the truth now, I won't ruin it again- that is if you want me to be part of your world again."
Hyung's voice was small and Baekhyun pulled back to look into his eyes in alarm.
"Oh, Hyung," He breathed out when he saw his brother cry. The sight pierced through his throbbing heart and made him wrap his arms around his brother's neck tightly. "I know that this isn't reality. But I don't care, Hyung! Because here I can be with you- because here we both have bodies and I can hold you in my arms like this."
Baekhyun gripped the soft hair strands on his brother's nape and pulled slightly, trying to grasp a sense of reality as the world around them slipped into grey nothingness once and for all.
"Don't leave me Hyung. Don't leave me ever again."
Rebuilding his world would take time and Baekhyun knew this.
He created a home in a different flower field first, in the middle of a lively, colorful, jubilant sea of poppies. Their new home was similar to their apartment from before, but where dried flowers had covered the ground and their furniture, lively and never wilting red beckoned them home now.
It was a sanctuary for eternity, because Baekhyun had asked what would happen to them when Hyung had told him to make it last forever.
"Our body in the real world will be found sooner or later," Hyung had answered and he had kissed the tips of Baekhyun's fingers as he had said that. "We'll be found standing in front of a murdered body. They'll lock us away or execute us, but we'll be safe here."
Someone else was running the body, Hyung had said. Someone who had no name and no other function than to make sure their body was working its minimum.
"Whoever it is that took over, it doesn't have a mind of its own. It's a ghost- sleepwalking, apathetic, you don't need to cry for it, baby."
But Baekhyun had cried, for the lost dreams and the lost hopes and all the things he had wished for only to witness them twist into sinister nightmares. It had been the last time he had cried for his painful existence outside of his new world. It had been the last time he had thought of Chanyeol, too, before he buried the memory of him in his flower fields.
Weeks passed and he built his world hidden in the arms of his brother, dozing and dreaming it to existence to the gentle sway of flowers around them.
It was a Monday morning, when time and space started running and mattering again. Baekhyun was lying on top of his twin, their hands intertwined and their mouths kissing when his phone chimed softly at an incoming text. It was Jongdae.
'Hey, u called? I was sleeping sry! Want 2 meet up at our coffee shop? Feels like we didn't talk in ages! Cu in 15?'
Baekhyun smiled and felt his whole world falling into place. He grabbed his phone to reply, his heart feeling light and happy. Everything was as it was supposed to be, and this time Baekhyun knew that it was a good thing.
He looked down at Hyung's arms wrapped around his torso and followed the endless pattern of flowers on his brother's skin. Everything was so peaceful, so perfect. Hyung pulled him closer against his chest and bent down to kiss his neck. He bedded his head sideways on top of the younger's shoulder, watching him quietly as Baekhyun started to hum.
Outside their poppy field swayed in a soft breeze and the wind carried the faint scent of old and loving memories inside.
-
<< / -
a/n:
for your convenience: the entire fic takes place in Baekhyun's head. nothing is real.
While all of this happens in his head, Baekhyun's body in the real world is standing next to his
dead and butchered abuser's (Chanyeol's) corpse, staring into nothing basically.
Chanyeol in this fic is a liar. (some people seemed to be confused about this)
also: poppies (the flowers of Baekhyun's soul) can mean sleep, oblivion and death.
It's a symbol for losing one's self. However they can also mean comfort.