Title: With Anger and Hate I Love You Author: abelard Rating: T Spoilers: LDYB2 and everything earlier Pairing: Apollo/Starbuck Disclaimers: Not mine. Summary: He'll never forgive her.
There's such an emotional honesty here. Lee hates her but he also loves her and feels everything in between. There are so many reasons he lists that he should hate her, but what really hurts him is her slamming the door on *them* by marrying Sam. From his perspective, that's got to be devastating. She left behind all the traces of what he loved about her. She didn't just marry another; she basically destoryed everything he loved.
Yet, he remains a slave to his love for her.
He'll forgive her then. It won't be pretty, with flowers. But if the chance comes, he'll make her understand his anger, his hate...and the thing that won't let go of him, the thing he feels for her despite everything...
The thing that isn't anger or hate at all. If she can give that back to him, he supposes it's possible, just barely possible, he'll forgive her everything.
your feedback is the beautiful thing, kath, thanks so much for writing to me. i was trying for lee's response to the wedding, the marriage. i really believe whatever he and kara did to each other in the year-we'll-never-see, most of his coldness towards her stems from just the plain fact that she won't ever be with him now.
of course, i had to have lee realize what i do, that if anders goes so does kara's promise to him....
thank you, as always, for reading. now you get back to writing your fic, which i am loving so much!!
I really liked this. You've taken their last scene in season 2 together and expanded on his possible motives and reactions. I also really liked the way that you've made it appear that she's stripped herself of her 'Starbuck' qualities that Lee loves so much. But he's so confident that she'll return to him, even within his depression...
i very much appreciate your writing fb for this fic. i definitely think that lee thinks that if kara were truly herself, she would see that she belongs with lee. i think maybe one of kara's problems is that she believes that in order to be loved, she sort of needs to be what she's not - she can't be the person that hits lee in the face, for example. she has to become some other version of herself, but that isn't who she really is. i don't know, it's just a thought, and one that i wanted to explore just a little in this.
Wow, that was so brutally intense. Especially the part about Lee thinking that no matter what it would come down to just the two of them. I can very easily picture him thinking this. He's just waiting around, not really making a move because he's sure that in the end it'll be between him and her.
And the Lee's reaction when he realizes that might not be the truth is just written so perfectly. You conveyed his shock very well.
Thanks for writing, and I hope to read more of your stuff soon. :)
I *love* your icon!!! And thank you so very much for your feedback. I like to think of Lee as pretty much shocked and dismayed by the marriage. Even if canon-Lee doesn't think exactly this way (he was probably pretty resigned to this even b/f Kara left for Caprica), my Lee is, well, a little irrational and crazy about this woman. Even canon-Lee feels this way deep down, maybe on a subconscious level. That's my story and obviously I'm sticking to it!
Comments 24
There's such an emotional honesty here. Lee hates her but he also loves her and feels everything in between. There are so many reasons he lists that he should hate her, but what really hurts him is her slamming the door on *them* by marrying Sam. From his perspective, that's got to be devastating. She left behind all the traces of what he loved about her. She didn't just marry another; she basically destoryed everything he loved.
Yet, he remains a slave to his love for her.
He'll forgive her then. It won't be pretty, with flowers. But if the chance comes, he'll make her understand his anger, his hate...and the thing that won't let go of him, the thing he feels for her despite everything...
The thing that isn't anger or hate at all. If she can give that back to him, he supposes it's possible, just barely possible, he'll forgive her everything.
Beautiful...
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of course, i had to have lee realize what i do, that if anders goes so does kara's promise to him....
thank you, as always, for reading. now you get back to writing your fic, which i am loving so much!!
-gail
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And Anders death? go angsty Lee, go!!
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thank you so much for reading and leaving fb.
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again, i love your fics. you never disappoint me.
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-gail
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And the Lee's reaction when he realizes that might not be the truth is just written so perfectly. You conveyed his shock very well.
Thanks for writing, and I hope to read more of your stuff soon. :)
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Thank you so much for reading and fb'ing!!!
-gail
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(About the icon: thanks, it's one of my favorites)
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Thank you!!
-gail
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