FIC: i've been missing you, part 5
Title: i've been missing you, part 5
Author: abelard
Rating: M
Spoilers: through end of season 2
Pairing: apollo/starbuck
Disclaimers: not mine
Summary: an au fic, on earth, 2006.
A/N: I swear I haven't forgotten about the other fics. Really. For real. Guaranteed.
Kara stood stock still for exactly two seconds as Lee Adama kissed her. Then she did what she'd wanted to do since she first caught sight of Lee, all those years ago. She kissed him deeply, sliding her tongue against his, holding onto his impossibly well-built arms and forcing him to come even closer -- except he didn't have to be forced at all. He already was pressing against her as if he wanted to press his very being into hers, until they occupied the same space.
Kara was thinking it, but Lee said it: "...wanted this so long, Kara. God, since the start...." he breathed against her ear in between wet, longing kisses to her throat.
Kara thought she must have imagined him saying that until she felt Lee reaching for her ponytail, tugging at the elastic band that held it in its neat ponytail. Once her long hair fell free, Lee's fingers drifted through the strands, and Kara had to break away from Lee's mouth to moan her pleasure. Having Lee Adama run his hands through her hair was...definitely not a dream. Kara pulled back an inch or two, and had to fight Lee's insistant hands, which went to her hips right away and tried to keep her close. But Kara kept a small distance between them. She had managed to keep a much greater distance between them for years. Now she had to ask if that inhuman effort could finally end.
"Really, Lee?" she breathed? "You've wanted this, wanted me...?"
Lee pushed his hand even deeper into Kara's thick locks and slid his other hand down over Kara's bottom, urging her lower half to slide against his . "Feel this?" he murmured.
Kara whimpered and just barely nodded.
"This is for you," he said in a low voice. "This is how I've always felt around you."
"I don't believe it," Kara said. When Lee pressed his erection even harder into her, she groaned.
"Believe it," he insisted.
"I've felt the same way," she breathed, "but I never thought...."
"Then stop thinking," Lee said. He kissed her again and she felt him tug ruthlessly at the tie of her wrap dress until the dress came open, and then was pushed off her shoulders. She felt boneless, as if she'd turned to molten lava, as Lee caressed her bare flesh, her shoulders, her arms, the curve of her waist, her thighs. She still wore underwear and Lee still had all of his clothes on, but Kara was already mindless with lust and need - oh, how long had she wanted this man, and how many times had she reminded herself she could never have him? And here he was, attacking her with lips and tongue and teeth and hands as if he wanted her just as much.
Lee guided her body a few steps forward, a few steps to the left, all the while kissing her, and suddenly she was falling backwards onto the expensive sheets of the hotel bed. The storm still raged outside, beating against the windows, and Kara had a second to really hear the sound of nature's fury before it was all lost, all nothing compared to the beating of her heart as Lee Adama looked down on her and stripped off his clothes. Kara shrugged out of her bra and panties at the same time. She knelt on the bed and he embraced her, and their passion met and matched for the first time. Matched like a hand in a glove, like the turning halves of a perfect lock.
******
It was midnight and their bodies were finally sated. They lay on the twisted sheets exhausted, but Kara knew her insides were even more twisted, and even more tired, and would never find rest. She sat up, deciding she had to do this quickly.
"What?" Lee said, weary but wary, too. Kara didn't blame him. She was dangerous for him, she couldn't be trusted with this man. She was wrong for him and could never be right.
"I need to go," she said softly. She pushed herself up off the bed and began the hunt for her underwear, her dress, her shoes, quickly, before Lee could talk her out of it, or worse yet, before he leaped up and kissed her again.
He sat up, but that was all. He didn't approach. Kara didn't know whether to be grateful or heartbroken that he wasn't stopping her from getting dressed.
"I'm going home," Kara said in the same quiet tone. She didn't know exactly how she was supposed to say goodbye, and end this best and worst night she'd ever know. The night she'd finally get to make love to Lee, and the last time she'd ever see him.
"Let me see you tomorrow," Lee said. "I'll meet you anywhere you like." She tried not to notice the tinge of desperation in his voice.
"No," she said. "I have to think of Sam," she said. "I have to think of my husband," she said, as if that made it more convincing and real. Definite. "I'm so sorry, Lee, I shouldn't have let this...."
"Don't say it," he whispered raggedly. He cleared his throat. "I don't regret it. I won't regret it," he said forcefully, as if telling her she couldn't convince him this was a mistake.
"Okay," she said. She was defeated and this was over. There was no proper way to say a final farewell to this man, nothing she and Lee did had ever been easy to navigate, there were no straightforward or simple routes through their relationship. Just land mines all around. "Lee, please take good care of yourself. You deserve so much, I hope you know that. I hope you let yourself be happy --"
"I'm not the one standing in the way of my happiness," Lee said, and Kara flinched at how angry he sounded all of a sudden. Lee threw the sheets back and stood up, walked right up to her before she could gather her wits and just go. He reached for her and she fought all her instincts and stepped away instead of towards him. "Kara, let me see you again. Don't throw this away. Let me see you."
"No," she said with certainty, though her knees trembled. "It's wrong."
"Has Sam cheated on you?" Lee asked.
Kara closed her eyes. "I don't know," she murmured. She really didn't. She didn't want to ever know.
"Kara, feel this." Lee reached for her hand. He was just holding her hand...and yet the energy and power of a universe of suns passed between their connected flesh. "This isn't wrong."
"Sam's dying," Kara said. "And Zak --"
"Zak's already dead," Lee said. "Nothing we do - or don't do - can bring him back to us." Kara gasped at how simply he said it, the boldness of the bare truth. "And as for Sam..." Lee looked away, as if he were abashed. "I can wait. Sam won't live forever."
Then Kara knew why Lee was ashamed of himself. She withdrew her hand from his and slapped him across the face, hard.
They looked at each other. There were no words. This wasn't how she'd wanted anything to start, or end, but here was the end.
She walked around Lee and picked up her bag and coat, put her shoes on. She walked out the door without looking at him again.
In the elevator, she thought about her hands clawing across his naked back, and wondered if he'd bled.
Author: abelard
Rating: M
Spoilers: through end of season 2
Pairing: apollo/starbuck
Disclaimers: not mine
Summary: an au fic, on earth, 2006.
A/N: I swear I haven't forgotten about the other fics. Really. For real. Guaranteed.
Kara stood stock still for exactly two seconds as Lee Adama kissed her. Then she did what she'd wanted to do since she first caught sight of Lee, all those years ago. She kissed him deeply, sliding her tongue against his, holding onto his impossibly well-built arms and forcing him to come even closer -- except he didn't have to be forced at all. He already was pressing against her as if he wanted to press his very being into hers, until they occupied the same space.
Kara was thinking it, but Lee said it: "...wanted this so long, Kara. God, since the start...." he breathed against her ear in between wet, longing kisses to her throat.
Kara thought she must have imagined him saying that until she felt Lee reaching for her ponytail, tugging at the elastic band that held it in its neat ponytail. Once her long hair fell free, Lee's fingers drifted through the strands, and Kara had to break away from Lee's mouth to moan her pleasure. Having Lee Adama run his hands through her hair was...definitely not a dream. Kara pulled back an inch or two, and had to fight Lee's insistant hands, which went to her hips right away and tried to keep her close. But Kara kept a small distance between them. She had managed to keep a much greater distance between them for years. Now she had to ask if that inhuman effort could finally end.
"Really, Lee?" she breathed? "You've wanted this, wanted me...?"
Lee pushed his hand even deeper into Kara's thick locks and slid his other hand down over Kara's bottom, urging her lower half to slide against his . "Feel this?" he murmured.
Kara whimpered and just barely nodded.
"This is for you," he said in a low voice. "This is how I've always felt around you."
"I don't believe it," Kara said. When Lee pressed his erection even harder into her, she groaned.
"Believe it," he insisted.
"I've felt the same way," she breathed, "but I never thought...."
"Then stop thinking," Lee said. He kissed her again and she felt him tug ruthlessly at the tie of her wrap dress until the dress came open, and then was pushed off her shoulders. She felt boneless, as if she'd turned to molten lava, as Lee caressed her bare flesh, her shoulders, her arms, the curve of her waist, her thighs. She still wore underwear and Lee still had all of his clothes on, but Kara was already mindless with lust and need - oh, how long had she wanted this man, and how many times had she reminded herself she could never have him? And here he was, attacking her with lips and tongue and teeth and hands as if he wanted her just as much.
Lee guided her body a few steps forward, a few steps to the left, all the while kissing her, and suddenly she was falling backwards onto the expensive sheets of the hotel bed. The storm still raged outside, beating against the windows, and Kara had a second to really hear the sound of nature's fury before it was all lost, all nothing compared to the beating of her heart as Lee Adama looked down on her and stripped off his clothes. Kara shrugged out of her bra and panties at the same time. She knelt on the bed and he embraced her, and their passion met and matched for the first time. Matched like a hand in a glove, like the turning halves of a perfect lock.
******
It was midnight and their bodies were finally sated. They lay on the twisted sheets exhausted, but Kara knew her insides were even more twisted, and even more tired, and would never find rest. She sat up, deciding she had to do this quickly.
"What?" Lee said, weary but wary, too. Kara didn't blame him. She was dangerous for him, she couldn't be trusted with this man. She was wrong for him and could never be right.
"I need to go," she said softly. She pushed herself up off the bed and began the hunt for her underwear, her dress, her shoes, quickly, before Lee could talk her out of it, or worse yet, before he leaped up and kissed her again.
He sat up, but that was all. He didn't approach. Kara didn't know whether to be grateful or heartbroken that he wasn't stopping her from getting dressed.
"I'm going home," Kara said in the same quiet tone. She didn't know exactly how she was supposed to say goodbye, and end this best and worst night she'd ever know. The night she'd finally get to make love to Lee, and the last time she'd ever see him.
"Let me see you tomorrow," Lee said. "I'll meet you anywhere you like." She tried not to notice the tinge of desperation in his voice.
"No," she said. "I have to think of Sam," she said. "I have to think of my husband," she said, as if that made it more convincing and real. Definite. "I'm so sorry, Lee, I shouldn't have let this...."
"Don't say it," he whispered raggedly. He cleared his throat. "I don't regret it. I won't regret it," he said forcefully, as if telling her she couldn't convince him this was a mistake.
"Okay," she said. She was defeated and this was over. There was no proper way to say a final farewell to this man, nothing she and Lee did had ever been easy to navigate, there were no straightforward or simple routes through their relationship. Just land mines all around. "Lee, please take good care of yourself. You deserve so much, I hope you know that. I hope you let yourself be happy --"
"I'm not the one standing in the way of my happiness," Lee said, and Kara flinched at how angry he sounded all of a sudden. Lee threw the sheets back and stood up, walked right up to her before she could gather her wits and just go. He reached for her and she fought all her instincts and stepped away instead of towards him. "Kara, let me see you again. Don't throw this away. Let me see you."
"No," she said with certainty, though her knees trembled. "It's wrong."
"Has Sam cheated on you?" Lee asked.
Kara closed her eyes. "I don't know," she murmured. She really didn't. She didn't want to ever know.
"Kara, feel this." Lee reached for her hand. He was just holding her hand...and yet the energy and power of a universe of suns passed between their connected flesh. "This isn't wrong."
"Sam's dying," Kara said. "And Zak --"
"Zak's already dead," Lee said. "Nothing we do - or don't do - can bring him back to us." Kara gasped at how simply he said it, the boldness of the bare truth. "And as for Sam..." Lee looked away, as if he were abashed. "I can wait. Sam won't live forever."
Then Kara knew why Lee was ashamed of himself. She withdrew her hand from his and slapped him across the face, hard.
They looked at each other. There were no words. This wasn't how she'd wanted anything to start, or end, but here was the end.
She walked around Lee and picked up her bag and coat, put her shoes on. She walked out the door without looking at him again.
In the elevator, she thought about her hands clawing across his naked back, and wondered if he'd bled.