jeans and the public gaze

[abigailstein]

So, I am not really a "jeans" person. I typically tend towards long skirts and fairly high cut shirts (lots of turtlenecks!), although I am okay with tight sweaters/shirts. I like my privacy from the public gaze

Comments

[jllv]

Wow. I'm so sorry. Up until that incident when you were 21, I honestly felt like most of these comments were fairly mild. No one should be subjected to unwanted sexually motivated comments, but being an attractive woman you are likely to get attention and some of that attention may be too bold for what makes us comfortable

[abigailstein]

I think you're right that I am paying more attention to the behavior of others b/c I'm hypervigilant. Hopefully with time that is something I can release

[jllv]

I'm so sorry

[abigailstein]

Thanks for the reply. I am starting to get more used to my jeans now that I've had them for a week and have worn them camping for two days.

You're also right about feeling better about wearing them when I am with Mr. Man :-)

[nerdcodegeode]

Wow..I'm sorry you've had to deal with those sorts of comments and situations. ..And that edit note scares me.

I would consider you being able to wear what you like a social ideal to aspire towards. It would be neat if there were more I could do to effect this being a workable concept. I'm not sure there's much I can do to affect behavior on a broader scale in a short time frame.

[abigailstein]

Thanks for the comment....yes, it would be nice if we could all wear what we like without being judged for it. We humans are such visually-oriented creatures...

[maiabee8]

This post reminds me of the My Short Skirt piece in The Vagina Monologues. The idea that what I wear should have "nothing to do with you" as the poem states - that wearing a simple article of clothing, especially something as ubiquitous as jeans, is a statement about my rights to Not Be Assaulted makes me very angry about the state of our society. I should not have to make a statement about how I have the right to Not Be Assaulted, that should be a given, and it is not.

[abigailstein]

Thanks for the comment. I looked up the piece and appreciated the message the author was trying to convey.

I have only recently come to appreciate just how visually attuned even the nicest heterosexual men are to the female form. Even nice guys will *definitely* notice when female attributes are accentuated by clothing choices..and it leaves me trying to walk a fine line between looking nice/not like a Mennonite and avoiding having my appearance be a stimulus that is influencing my interactions with other people. My father has said that there is such a thing as being "scary attractive", in the sense that a woman can have an involuntary effect on a man (attracting attention, popping up unbidden in his mental visual rolodex), even if he would never act on the basis of that effect.

[nerdcodegeode]

I can see how walking that line would be a difficulty

[jpfed]

My sight is mine

I wish I could entirely agree. However, staring is an exception to this rule, because it is necessarily interpersonal.

Why should I say that staring is different? It might seem arbitrary of me, on a purely intellectual level. But the norm against staring exists in many, many cultures (including those of many other primate species). Look where you will, but it should be moderated, because humans have a response (that is likely biological in basis) to being stared at.

[facehead2k]

I appreciated the post. Ellie is frequently sharing her experiences with unwanted attention that comes with dressing comfortably (particularly in the spring and summer). I sympathize because 1) everything I wear is primarily for the sake of how I want to be perceived and 2) when I see women dressed in a manner that attracts my attention, I often have go to absurd lengths to maintain eye contact in conversation or avoiding acknowledging them altogether in the case of a stranger.

I suppose a gentleman could acknowledge without being a creep, but the multitude of creeps, drive me to overcompensate, lest I be mistaken for one.

Since I was about 13, I began wearing long sleeves to conceal my arms, and even as an adult with no reason to conceal them, I find I still dress that way out of habit. Comfort seems to be a conscious thing for me.