Inquiring minds want to know

[abigor]

Poll

Bonus question: if the children are not included on the invitation, is this obviously an oversight or are they truly not invited?

Bonus question the second: What do you think of folks disregarding the obviously univited kids and bringing them anyway?

***this was a conversation at work today and I decided to poll the Universe. ::snort::

Comments

[tamago23]

Yep, you said it.

As a parent myself, I just don't get the whole "bringing kids everywhere" mentality. For example, we don't go to super-nice restaurants anymore; we don't go to adult-oriented movies anymore; we don't go anywhere where a kid would be inappropriate. This is because GIVING STUFF LIKE THAT UP IS JUST PART OF RAISING A SMALL KID. If you can get a babysitter? Great, go do adult things. But there are a lot of places where kids are inappropriate and it's unfair to both the other patrons and the kid(s) to expect that to go well.

We went to a local Japanese restaurant a few weeks back. Moo started having a fit, so we hurriedly asked the waitress to pack up our sushi, and I waited for the sushi while Frolic took Moo outside, and then we left. It'd be rotten of us to expect the other patrons to listen to Moo having a fit, and it isn't fair to Moo either to keep him in a situation where he's miserable. Sure, it sucks to have to bail halfway through dinner and finish your sushi at home, but that's just part of parenting.

[abigor]

I don't get it either. It makes sense to me that as a parent, you'd realize that there are places that kids aren't appropriate, and act accordingly. I'm not saying that as a parent you never do anything adult till the kids are older, but there will be some things you'll miss by not being able/willing (?) to bring the kids with you, and that is really (to me) part of what having kids is. You have other obligations, and being social in certain circs just doesn't happen with the kids around

[abigor]

Agreed. I disagree with the notion that if the parents are invited, that automatically means the kids are too. There is often a good reason the kids aren't invited, especially since the ceremony can be too much for the kids to sit through. I think it's unfair to the bride and groom to have to have their ceremony disrupted by noisy or cranky kids. Additionally, if it's an evening wedding or reception, the younger kids will be cranky and tired and miserable as it carries on, and there may not be anywhere for the kids to lie down for a nap or have a place to play. It shouldn't be up to the hosts to accommodate that.

Ooooohhh, ranty rant time!

[stormcat]

Bonus #1: If someone is not on the invitation THEY ARE NOT FREAKIN' INVITED. It is not an oversight, and it is rude to assume that it could be

Re: Ooooohhh, ranty rant time!

[abigor]

Amen, sister!!

[winifred]

Sometimes weddings aren't kid-friendly because they're planned that way. For example, It's not appropriate to bring small children to an evening wedding, or to an adult-themed wedding.

If the bride & groom do not want children at their wedding they should indicate that on their invitations with a polite "adults and children over 12 only please" at the bottom. Otherwise prepare to have small children and babies at your special day. In some cultures it's good luck to have them at the ceremony. In ours, only the ill-behaved ones get noticed and griped about.

[abigor]

Exactly. I still think that kids will be bored out of their minds at the very least, and that's going to end up annoying the guests, the hosts and the parents, making it not at all pleasant for anyone.

Apparently, etiquette states that it is not remotely acceptable to indicate 'adults only' on the invitation (I checked) and that leaving their names off or not indicating 'and family' is sufficient to say that the kids aren't invited.
Ideally, regardless of who the guest is to the bride or groom, they should be asked if there is any question.

And really, how many weddings have you been to where all you see and/or hear is a quiet baby/child?

[abigor]

BQ#1 - Agreed. Why wouldn't anyone want the little darlings along? ::blinks::

BQ#2 - Both, really. They were not on the invitation regardless and according to etiquette, it's not kosher to actually say 'no kids' and it is the norm that if the name isn't on the invite, then that person (persons) are not invited. I'd agree that it is fucking rude, and that the guest should be asking the host. What if they had only planned/catered enough food for the invited number and there wasn't extra, for instance? WTF do you do then?

The case I'm talking about was one where the kids were not at all on the invitation and not remotely invited, but the parents 'thought they'd all come along', obviously without asking first. That's what really pisses me off.
I'm of the school of thought that 'one never assumes'.

[abigor]

I'm okay with kid-friendly as long as I'm aware ahead of time. I don't like expecting an adult event and being surprised by someone's little wee one who won't shut the fuck up and needs constant attention. That's highly irritating and annoying as all hell for everyone involved.