I'm Fucking James Ford
So, by now I'm sure everyone has seen Sarah Silverman's video "I'm fucking Matt Damon." (If you haven't, watch it here on youtube.) I'm sure it's been re-made all over the place for different fandoms by now, but I figured I'd re-write the song for Lost, featuring our very own Kate Austen, James Ford, and, well, the jilted Jack.
And I made icons. Under the cut, because of a plethora of f-words. I've also included the entire text of my re-written version, just for shits and giggles. Feel free to take and use the icons; just no hotlinking, and credit would be nice.
Hey, Jackie, it's me. I'm in a cage...I don't know; we've been stranded for so long, I don't even know what island I'm on anymore, to be honest. Anyway, I've been thinking about you a lot...And, ah, I've been needing to tell you something. I don't know why I haven't, but it's important. I mean, we've been flirting for so long, over five weeks, and I still haven't told you, and it's just not right, so...
non-animated:
(italicized sections would be Sawyer "singing;" the rest would be Kate)
I’m fucking James Ford
She’s fucking James Ford
I’m sorry but it’s true
I’m fucking James Ford
She’s fucking James Ford
I’m not imagining it’s you
I’m fucking James Ford
In the jungle, 'neath a tree
On an island in the sea,
In the hatch, against the wall,
Back behind the waterfall
I’m fucking James Ford
She’s fucking James Ford
While you’re drinking Dharma wine
I said I’m fucking James Ford
She said she’s fucking James Ford
Hey Shephard, how do you like that behind?
(Get it? Because I'm like talkin' about her ass?
Yeah. It's...it's funny.)
Hey Jack, don’t take it bad
Remember all the good times we had
Like the time we went hiking
And we found the fuselage
Then the monster tried to kill us
But it got the pilot instead
Knock knock!
Who’s that knocking at my door?
Imfa!
Imfa who?
I’m fucking James Ford
She’s fucking James Ford
F-U-C-K James F-O-R-D!
F-U-C-K James F-O-R-D!
I’m fucking James Ford
She’s fucking James Ford
And you know I fuck him hard
I said I’m fucking James Ford
She’s fucking James Ford
Just ask Marshal Edward Mars
Last week, when I was taking my shift in the hatch?
I was fucking James Ford!
When we ran back and forth like idiots between the beach and the caves?
She was definitely fucking James Ford!
When I told you I was fucking James Ford?
I was fucking James Ford!
In the tent, on the plane
In the middle of the rain,
In the cage, on my knees,
Where Ben's cameras can see
She’s fucking James Ford
She's fucking James Ford
She’s fucking James Ford
So, that's it. Um...I think I was clear.
You did great.
Oh, it was okay.
Pretty damn good.
Um, anyway, you know, we had a great run, Jack, and I hope there's no hard feelings. I hope we can be friends. I'm friends with all my boyfriends (the ones I haven't killed), so...If anything isn't clear, or you need closure of some kind, please, please call Ben; he's got all the tapes. So take care, and--
You know what? Stop right there. Jackie, we're out of time. Sorry.
You are so bad!
A little bit. Let's put that guitar down and go fuck James Ford. See ya, Jackie.
x-posted to iconillusion; sorry if you see this twice
And I made icons. Under the cut, because of a plethora of f-words. I've also included the entire text of my re-written version, just for shits and giggles. Feel free to take and use the icons; just no hotlinking, and credit would be nice.
Hey, Jackie, it's me. I'm in a cage...I don't know; we've been stranded for so long, I don't even know what island I'm on anymore, to be honest. Anyway, I've been thinking about you a lot...And, ah, I've been needing to tell you something. I don't know why I haven't, but it's important. I mean, we've been flirting for so long, over five weeks, and I still haven't told you, and it's just not right, so...
non-animated:
(italicized sections would be Sawyer "singing;" the rest would be Kate)
I’m fucking James Ford
She’s fucking James Ford
I’m sorry but it’s true
I’m fucking James Ford
She’s fucking James Ford
I’m not imagining it’s you
I’m fucking James Ford
In the jungle, 'neath a tree
On an island in the sea,
In the hatch, against the wall,
Back behind the waterfall
I’m fucking James Ford
She’s fucking James Ford
While you’re drinking Dharma wine
I said I’m fucking James Ford
She said she’s fucking James Ford
Hey Shephard, how do you like that behind?
(Get it? Because I'm like talkin' about her ass?
Yeah. It's...it's funny.)
Hey Jack, don’t take it bad
Remember all the good times we had
Like the time we went hiking
And we found the fuselage
Then the monster tried to kill us
But it got the pilot instead
Knock knock!
Who’s that knocking at my door?
Imfa!
Imfa who?
I’m fucking James Ford
She’s fucking James Ford
F-U-C-K James F-O-R-D!
F-U-C-K James F-O-R-D!
I’m fucking James Ford
She’s fucking James Ford
And you know I fuck him hard
I said I’m fucking James Ford
She’s fucking James Ford
Just ask Marshal Edward Mars
Last week, when I was taking my shift in the hatch?
I was fucking James Ford!
When we ran back and forth like idiots between the beach and the caves?
She was definitely fucking James Ford!
When I told you I was fucking James Ford?
I was fucking James Ford!
In the tent, on the plane
In the middle of the rain,
In the cage, on my knees,
Where Ben's cameras can see
She’s fucking James Ford
She's fucking James Ford
She’s fucking James Ford
So, that's it. Um...I think I was clear.
You did great.
Oh, it was okay.
Pretty damn good.
Um, anyway, you know, we had a great run, Jack, and I hope there's no hard feelings. I hope we can be friends. I'm friends with all my boyfriends (the ones I haven't killed), so...If anything isn't clear, or you need closure of some kind, please, please call Ben; he's got all the tapes. So take care, and--
You know what? Stop right there. Jackie, we're out of time. Sorry.
You are so bad!
A little bit. Let's put that guitar down and go fuck James Ford. See ya, Jackie.
x-posted to iconillusion; sorry if you see this twice