(no subject)
Wow.
Thats all I said.
So then 20 sumthin people assumed they knew
exactly why.
But it;s not all about that.
I have alot of things going on right now,
& yes I will get over it.
Eventually.
Hopefully soon.
But for now; I hurt.
& some people think it's fun
to sit at home
& annonymusly write things to hurt me
& make me feel like shit, even more than I already do.
I could sit here & try to guess who wrote what,
& why.
But I don;t want to go there.
Im afraid.
_____________
Im afraid of alot of things.
Like being alone,
loosing my friends,
or just any pain all together.
Im afraid of loosing the things I care about...
because that seems to be happening alot lately.
______________
Im sorry for always being in such a shitty mood..,
I sware I didnt used to be this way.
But you can't judge me & say
that I don't know how to have a good time
& base everything you think about me
on the past couple weeks,
because thats not fair.
I have been in a bitchy mood.
Im going to try though... I really am.
___
The funny thing is is that some of those comments really hurt...
& it was because inside I knew, that what they were saying was true.
I know that there was nothing.
& I guess you don't realize
thats why it hurts.
Because I feel stupid
that I ever thought there was something.
I liked it better when I didnt know the truth.
But I know its better this way...
right?
Yes it is. Definatly.
The thing thats not true, is that Im just doing this for attention & drama.
I sware to you that I would give anything for all of this to just dissapear.
I don't want attention.
& I don't want drama.
Im just upset.
It;s not all the things you think it is...
its just the feeling that nothing can ever work out for me.
_____
I know that something in middle school is rarely real.
I know that.
Im just upset.
Im not going to say I was in love....
because for my case that would be completely ridiculous...
even the thought.
Im just sad.
I will get over it.
_______________________________
I can sit here & feel sorry for myself
or I can try to have fun with what I've got going.
I need to figure out what the hell that is so I can.
& when I do Im going to hold on to it.
____________________________________
Thankyou to the people who are there for me,
thankyou to the people who try & make me feel better
& thankyou for the people who showed me the truth.
Im very sorry to these people
because I have been selfish & only thinking about how bad Ive got it..
& not thinking about the fact that some people have it even worse.
Im very sorry, & I hope you will forgive me; because I need you.
_________
But as for people who don;t know me..
people who were just trying to piss me off;
please just get a life;
& stop trying to make mine worse,
because with everything I'm going through
your comments
mean absolutely nothing.
&.♥.